Evil Feed

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1

Ever since I

can remember

ever since

this baby spoke

I've been vying

for a stint

in the land of

mirrors and smoke

you know I love the

smell of whiskey

and I hate the

taste of gin

but I always

feel at home in a

place that

soaked in sin

but I want

to leave it

all behind

if I could

find me a man

to treat me right

but until then,

then, then

I'm gonna do, do, do

is just to hang

my head, head head

and cry boo hoo hoo

Agh, leg me out!

I thought I told

you two to clean up!

You know how many health

codes you are breaking?

Tut!

Tut tut tut!

Dad!

Dad!

There's some vietnamese guy

named phat here to see ya.

Uh, yes, uh, bring him in.

Yuki!

Dad, who is this guy?

Mind your business.

But this is the

family business!

No, this is my business.

Mister phat

phook to see you.

it's phuk.

Phat phuk.

Mister phuk, welcome!

Mm.

I'm so glad you

could make it.

So, this is it.

The world famous long pig.

Looks like a shithole.

Oh, but let me assure you.

It is a real gem.

Then why are you selling it?

Selling?

Dad, you can't sell this!

F***!

Why you not giving

it to your boy?

Because he is just that.

A boy!

So, I get everything.

The name, the recipes...

Everything.

Hm.

Uh, how about the

house special?

Oh.

The famous dickey roll?

Complimentary, of course.

Yuki!

I'm sorry, boss.

It was the last one.

And we were closed,

so I figured...

You figure nothing!

Dad!

A disgrace!

I am surrounded

by incompetence!

Yuki!

I have an idea.

Why don't I cut off her tits

and serve them to you on a

platter?

You can eat silicone?

Ha!

Yeah, you can eat...

Gah!

Get the hell out of my

restaurant before I make you

the house special!

welcome to the long pig.

yuki.

Mr. Tarasov.

Welcome back.

Look at you.

Even more beautiful

than I remember.

Mm?

Mm.

Ah!

How was your flight?

Eh, flight was flight.

Food was crap.

But, I am happy to be here.

Well you have nothing to

worry about, because the

food here is spectacular.

As you can see, we've

made some improvements,

mr. Tarasov.

These are the new tatami

rooms, offering our guests

comfort and privacy

while dining.

Very nice.

We currently have a

three month waiting list.

Just this way to

steven's office, please.

Mr. Tarasov,

here to see you.

Mr. Tarasosv!

Welcome back!

Well.

I'm loving what your father

has done with the place.

Actually, dad's retired.

I run the restaurant now.

Really?

I've never seen it so busy.

Oh, I know.

It's been hard work,

but I've created a

state-of-the-art

dining experience.

My innovative method of meat

tenderizing combined with my

riveting entertainment make

the long pig the newest rave

in dining.

I like to call it...

Tendertainment!

We import martial artists

to fight our in-house

gladiators, and then after

the fight, our guests get to

bid on any body part

they choose to dine on.

Hm.

Does that include

famous dickey roll?

Well, that dish is a

little time sensitive.

Preparation for that one is

an ancient chinese secret.

Ancient chinese secret, yes.

Yeah.

So, tell me.

Where is my old friend?

I want to congratulate him

on what a wonderful job his

son is doing.

Aha.

He's right over here.

What the f***?

Hi dad!

An old friend is

here to see you!

I'm sorry.

It seems like retirement has

closed him off to the world.

Ahh, the next fight!

This local sensei

just joined us.

I hear he's a real

master of the art.

Allow my hostess to escort

you to your tatami room.

Mm.

Oh, and mr. Tarsaov,

please do stay for dessert.

I've prepared something

extra special for you.

Complimentary, of course.

Very nice.

not now, yuki?

Mmm.

All work and no play make

makes the cat go astray.

I said, not now.

Come on baby.

Hey!

I'm trying to

run a business.

It's a big night, okay?

I've got lots of

guests to attend to.

Okay, fine.

After the dinner rush.

You have a meeting with

the bookie tonight.

After!

I promise.

What does a girl have to

do to get laid around here?

Sheila!

Sheila!

What have you done

with my daughter?

I'm going to kill you?

You hear me?

I'm going to kill you all!

Dad, I'm here!

Dad! Behind you!

Cocktail while you wait?

You win.

It's over.

You win!

cut!

Jenna, you alright?

Yeah.

Yo, damn girl.

My bad.

I thought you was

going to duck.

You okay baby?

I can take a hit.

Nash...

You need to control

your kicks, a**hole?

Hey, hey, hey, hey ,hey!

Chill out, chill

out, chill out!

It was an accident, man.

You'd better be more

careful next time.

Yeah, whatever hair.

Hey!

-What'd you say?

Huh?

Hey!

Thanks for your concern, ladies,

but I think we've got it.

Let's go cut this fight.

Yeah, she's right.

Let's get sensei's approval

and get thing uploaded, alright?

We'll edit out the part of

you kicking his daughter

in the face.

It was an accident, man.

Babe, can you tell your

girlfriend we want the footage?

Lay off, alright?

We were really on today.

This should get us

our million hits.

I have to go.

Look, nash is nash.

Don't let him get to you.

He's kind overprotective, but

he's got a really good heart.

He's an ass.

You're right, he's an ass,

but you're my best friend,

so can we squash

this please?

Alright. Squashed.

I do have to get going.

Midterms.

Well, we need you to edit

the promo piece to show my dad!

One hour.

That's all you get.

Dad?

Sheila?

Isn't there supposed

to be a class tonight?

Yeah, there should be.

Dad?

Sheila?

What the...

I'm going to call home,

can you try sheila?

Okay.

Hey sheila, it's pete.

We're at the dojo and

wondering where you are.

Could you please give

me or jenna a call?

Hey!

This must be the women's

self defense class.

Yo, where's everybody?

Dunno.

That's what we're

trying to figure out.

There's no answer.

I got a bad feeling.

Let's swing by the house.

I'll take you, honey.

Okay, call me if you

hear anything, okay?

I'm worried, nash.

Why don't we look at

that footage, man?

You guys go ahead.

Oho.

I got a better idea.

They're kind of tight.

Good, they should be.

Alright, the first thing

you need to know about being

tough is you just

gotta act it.

Be it.

Live it.

Brothers need to

know how to survive.

Out there, there's no rules.

Motherfuckers ready to cap

your ass, then say good morning.

Yo that's how it is in the

streets of the wild west.

Everybody packing,

out for themselves.

Survival of the

fittest, baby.

Bla!

Mm.

Mm!

I hope you saved

room for dessert.

Ooh.

Yuki!

A gift from us to you.

Very thoughtful, yuki.

Enjoy.

I will.

Well, look at you.

The bookie's here early.

You know what that means.

Bring him in.

Get in there!

Hello stevie.

How are ya?

You're early.

Care for a bite?

Are you kidding me?

I'd rather eat the ass

of a donkey, wouldn't I?

Now shall we get

down to business?

How was mister

karate master?

Well, baphomet made

quick work of him.

I'm very disappointed,

actually.

You were supposed to

bring me the young one!

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