Excuse Me for Living

---

YOU HAVE FORSAKEN

ALL THE LOVE YOU'VE TAKEN

SLEEPIN' ON A RAZOR

THERE'S NOWHERE

LEFT TO FALL:

YOUR BODY'S ACHIN',

EVERY BONE IS BREAKIN'

NOTHING SEEMS TO SHAKE IT,

IT JUST KEEPS HOLDIN' ON

AH AH AH AH-AH

AH AH AH:

AH AH AH-AH

AH AH AH-AH

AH AH AH-AH

AH AH AH-AH AH

AH AH AH-AH

YOUR SOUL IS ABLE,

DEATH IS ALL YOU CRADLE

SLEEPIN' ON THE NAILS,

THERE'S NOWHERE LEFT TO FALL

YOU HAVE ADMIRED,

EVERY MAN DESIRES

EVERYONE IS KING...

( music stops )

OH!

LET GO OF ME.

CAN'T DO THAT,

SONNY BOY.

I AM NOT YOUR BOY,

AND YOU KINDLY:

WILL LET GO, GODDAMN IT!

WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

FOR CHRIST SAKE!

THIS IS REAL ARMANI.

MY FATHER WILL SUE YOUR ASS!

I DON'T CARE IF

MARY, MOTHER OF GOD,

WEAVED IT HERSELF.

YOU ARE NO KILLING YOURSELF

ON MY BEAT.

( siren approaching )

I WAS SIMPLY TAKING

A LEISURELY STROLL

TO VISI MY POETRY PROFESSOR

IN HOBOKEN,

YOUR HONOR,

WHEN THIS VERY LARGE

POLICEMAN ACCOSTS ME

FROM NOWHERE,

APPLIES A NO DOUB STEROIDS-INDUCED THRASHING,

AND CONJURES WHAT'S PROBABLY

A $150 TAILORING REPAIR JOB

ON MY BILL BLASS.

HE CLAIMED:

IT WAS ARMANI.

- SCREW THE COUTURE.

- CO-WHO?

BLESS YOU,

OFFICER FRANKLIN.

AND OVERALL,

I MIGHT SAY, JUDGE...

KAMEL.

- NO. KARMEL.

YES, KARAMEL.

THIS VERY LARGE GENTLEMAN,

AND SUPPOSED PROTECTOR

OF THE COURT,

PROVED HIMSELF TO BE

EXTREMELY INHOSPITABLE.

NEVERTHELESS, IN THE SPIRI OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON,

I'M WILLING TO DROP

ALL CHARGES AGAINST HIM

IF YOU'LL JUST KINDLY--

WHAT, REMOVE

THE HANDCUFFS?

AND MAY 16th IS NO TYPICALLY THOUGHT OF

AS A WINTER HOLIDAY.

( voice echoing )

YOU'RE GETTING TO BE

A REGULAR HERE, DANIEL TOPLER.

IT'S UNUSUAL TO SEE EVEN

YOUNG DRUG ADDICTS LIKE YOU HERE

THREE TIMES A MONTH.

YELLOW WALLS DO NOTHING

FOR THE DECOR.

- WHY ARE THE LIGHTS SO DIM?

- TOPLER!

ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?

SEND HIM BACK TO

THE REHAB CLINIC AGAIN.

( normal voice )

AND GET SOMEONE TO WIPE UP

THAT DROOL, OFFICER FRANKLIN.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN,

I PRESUME.

I'M DR. JACOB Q. BERNSTEIN.

AND I'M FELIX THE CAT.

MEOW.

LET ME OUTTA HERE,

OR I WILL KICK:

YOUR 2,000-YEAR-OLD ASS

FROM HERE TO:

KINGDOM COME.

F***!!

( scornful laughter )

OH, I MUST SAY,

YOU DON'T LOOK SO HO YOURSELF, DR. BERNAISE.

- BERNSTEIN.

- YES, BERN-STINE.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN

AND WE'LL CHAT A WHILE.

I COULD USE THE COMPANY.

BUT FIRST, WOULD YOU MIND

SCRATCHING MY NOSE?

SOME FLY PROBABLY SENT BY

A RIGHT-WING NEO-NAZI

LUFTWAFFE HAS BEEN

DIVE-BOMBING ME.

A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.

AH!

YOU ARE A HEALER.

AS A CSN&Y SONG GOES,

"I'M NOT FEELING

UP TO PAR."

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD

CUT MY HAIR,

BECAUSE I ALMOST DID BEFORE

I JUMPED OVER MARTHA.

THE BRIDGE, THAT IS.

LINDA.

OH. OH, NO.

OH, YES.

OOH. OOH-OOH.

( grunts )

HELP.

SAVE ME, PLEASE.

( knocking )

GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING, DANIEL!

HURRY UP:

FOR BREAKFAST.

THE VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMEN STARTS SOON.

I'LL HAVE WHIPPED CREAM

LICKED OFF YOUR BREASTS.

I'M NOT ON

THE MENU, DANIEL.

WHY SCREW MY OLD MAN

WHEN YOU CAN HAVE

A YOUNG STUD LIKE ME, ELAINE?

( door opens )

WELL, I SEE YOU'RE

VERY MUCH AT HOME HERE, DANIEL.

DR. BERNSTEIN.

WHAT DAY IS THIS?

SATURDAY, 9:
00 A.M.

YOU HAD:

QUITE A NAP.

I SEE YOUR FATHER'S MILLIONS

HAVE FURNISHED THE ROOM

FROM YOUR:

MANHATTAN LOFT.

HM. HAVE YOU READ THIS?

ANYONE WHO'S EVER

TAKEN PSYCHOLOGY 101

HAS READ CARL ROGERS'

SEMINAL WORK ON:

BECOMING A PERSON.

ALAS, THERE'S NO TIME

FOR NICETIES.

GOTTA BE GOING.

TA-TA FOR NOW,

BUT DUTY CALLS.

WHEN ONE'S PRESIDEN BEGS ONE TO SERVE ONE'S COUNTRY,

CAN ONE REFUSE?

IT'S HUSH-HUSH.

TOP SECRE AND ON THE Q.T.

SOMETHING ABOU A SCROFULOUS TORSO

LEVITATING FROM:

KIM SONG'S TOMB.

YOU JUST CAN'T TRUS THOSE BASTARD KOREAN

DICTATORS TO STAY DEAD.

WHERE ARE THE STANDARDS,

ANYHOW?

BY THE WAY, DID MY DAD

HAVE MY CAR BROUGHT AROUND YET?

SHALL I CALL LINDA AGAIN?

NO. THAT WON' BE NECESSARY.

CAN WE TALK?

OKAY, DOC. SIT DOWN.

TAKE A LOAD OFF.

SURE, LET'S BE PALS,

BUT IT DEPENDS.

IT DEPENDS, HUH?

ON WHAT?

ON JUST WHAT KIND OF

HEADSHRINKER YOU ARE.

MY OWN PREFERENCE LEANS HEAVILY

TOWARDS THE DRUGGIES.

PSYCHO-PHARMACOLOGISTS,

YOU MEAN.

I LOVE THE GREEN PILLS,

BUT YELLOW WORKS FOR ME

IF IT WORKS FOR YOU.

THE YELLOWS WORK

FOR YOU, HUH?

OH, I FEEL

A ROGERIAN COMING ON.

CARL ROGERS HELPED

MANY, MANY PEOPLE.

NOW, IF YOU'RE NO PUSHING DRUGS,

I WAS HOPING YOU MIGHT BE

MY SECOND-FAVORITE

KIND OF VOODOO DOCTOR.

YOU OKAY?

UH, YEAH.

DOC?

WHOA!

- THANK YOU.

- YEAH.

I WANNA TELL YOU ABOU A DISCUSSION I LEAD.

OH, MAN, OH, MAN.

HERE WE GO WITH:

THE GROUP THERAPY.

IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO

ONE MORE SAD SACK

TELL ME THE PITIFUL STORY

OF HIS LIFE,

I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

FORGET ABOUT IT, DOC.

NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOT LIKE

THAT AT ALL.

THIS IS A BUNCH OF MEN

JUST GETTING TOGETHER

TO KIBBUTZ.

WHAT'S THE CATCH?

A SCHMOOZE WITH YOUR STIFFS,

AND THEN I'M OUTTA HERE?

NOT PRECISELY.

JUST GET TOGETHER

A FEW TIMES.

A FEW TIMES?

- YES, MORE OR LESS.

- MORE OR LESS?!

SIT DOWN!

NOW, LISTEN TO ME,

YOUNG MAN. LISTEN UP CLOSELY.

IF YOU EVER:

WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE,

YOU SHOULD TAKE MY OFFER.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD.

NOW I'D LIKE YOU TO

JOIN IN A DISCUSSION

WITH MY SENIOR MEN'S

GROUP.

YOU ARE KIDDING,

AREN'T YOU?

WE MEET A TEMPLE B'NAI ISRAEL.

BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO COME

BACK HERE WHEN YOU'RE

NOT AT THE MEETINGS.

A TEMPLE MEN'S GROUP

FOR DYING PEOPLE.

THIS REALLY IS RICH.

A LOT OF US ARE NO QUITE AS DEAD AS YOU MAY THINK.

WHEN I CALL MY DAD,

HE WILL HAVE ME OUT OF HERE

IN A NANO-SECOND.

FUN TIME IS OVER.

THE COURT PUT YOU

IN MY CUSTODY.

BESIDES, YOUR FATHER

THINKS IT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA.

WELL?

I'M JUS GIVING YOUR PROPOSAL

THE UTMOST CAREFUL

CONSIDERATION. NO.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE BACK

IN A MONTH TO SEE IF

YOU'VE RECONSIDERED.

LINDA, JOE.

PUT YOUR HAND:

IN THERE.

Daniel:
LINDA.

OKAY.

OKAY, THIS IS BLACKMAIL!

I WILL ATTEND YOUR MUMMIFIED

DECAFFEINATED KAFFEE KLATSCH.

FINE.

GOOD CHOICE.

SO SHOULD I BRING

MY OWN DENTURES,

OR DO YOU PASS ONE SE AROUND FOR EVERYONE?

TOMORROW, 8:
00 P.M.,

YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN CAR.

NURSE LINDA WILL GIVE YOU

A PRESCRIPTION TO HELP

YOU SLEEP,

AND AN ANTI-ABUSE PILL.

DO NOT...

I REPEAT, DO NOT USE

ANY DRUGS OR ALCOHOL HERE,

OR YOU WILL REALLY

FEEL LIKE YOU'RE DYING.

- ( dialing phone )

- ( line ringing )

- HELLO.

- DAD.

I'M BACK HERE A THE LIVE FREE OR DIE CLINIC.

YES, I KNOW.

- YOU KNOW THAT?

- THEY CALLED ME.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO GE A HOLD OF YOU.

THAT'S A CHANGE.

NO, REALLY. I'M HAPPY

TO CHAT WITH YOU.

IN FACT, THE FUNNIES THING JUST HAPPENED.

THIS SHRINK SAID

I'VE GOT TO ATTEND

SOME ALTA KOCKER

DISCUSSION GROUP.

ISN'T THA A YUK AND A HALF?

I THINK IT'S

AN EXCELLENT IDEA, DANIEL.

- DR. BERNSTINE AND I--

- BERNSTEIN.

DR. BERNSTEIN AND I

CHEWED IT OVER EARLIER TODAY.

HE'S A HIGHLY REGARDED

EXPERT FOR CASES LIKE YOURS.

NOW JUST A SECOND, DAD.

NO, YOU JUST A SECOND,

SONNY BOY.

I HAVE PLACED YOUR WELFARE

COMPLETELY IN:

THE DOCTOR'S HANDS.

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