Expelled Page #5

I just don't want you to feel

Like you have to go.

We're going.

Great.

Terrible.

That's terrible.

Is unreal how Mr. Harris

Always manages

to ruin everything.

So I guess you got to tell

your parents the truth.

Absolutely not.

I'm gonna fake

a parent-Teacher conference.

Well, that sounds

difficult/impossible.

Mm, difficult, yes.

Impossible...

probably also yes, but that's

never stopped us before.

We're going to need

a shady middle-Aged man.

Why?

To act as Mr. Harris

during the conference.

Do you ever

just stand back sometimes

And look at your plan

and think to yourself,

"Wow, I am dumb"?

Why do you got to be like this?

Maybe it's because I'm sick

of nearly getting arrested

Every time that I help you.

Who says I'm asking

for your help?

You are always asking

for my help.

False.

I don't need it.

- I got this.

- Good...

- 'cause I would say no.

- Why?

Because...

I'm sick of your sketchy plans.

I help you because

you're my friend,

But I cannot keep doing

this stuff.

No.

It's cool.

- I'll just handle it myself.

- Good luck.

Danny isn't wrong.

I'm not going to contest

what he said.

Guess I'm going to have

to pull this off by myself.

Shamus.

How's it going, man?

Remember me?

Oh, come on, shamus, it's Felix!

I gave you two packs of gum

last week.

Hey.

I have a proposition for you.

Are you interested?

Let me put on some pants.

So you expect me to dress

like a teacher?

Yeah, we just need

to convince my mom

That you're Mr. Harris

for five minutes.

- You going to pay me?

- I don't have much money.

- What do you got?

- Um, 40 bucks.

- What else you got?

- Um...

a crossbow.

40 bucks and a crossbow...

You got yourself a deal.

Cool, cool. Just make sure

you wear something nice.

"Something nice"?

Yeah, like a collared shirt

or something.

Do I look like

the sort of fellow

Who owns a collared shirt?

Let's do this...

Meet me at my house

tomorrow morning...

and I'll let you borrow

some of my dad's clothes.

- All right.

- Okay?

- All right.

- Cool.

So you want me to act

like Mr. Harris.

Think I can pull it off?

Yeah.

- Why? Why?

- What's the problem?

What happened with being

as quiet as a rodent?

I was balls deep

in rodent quietness

Until I found these horseshoes,

And I was faced

with a very difficult decision.

What?

I'm failing to see

the difficulty here.

It was horseshoes

versus quietness.

Are you trying to get caught

by mom and dad?

No, okay? Look, I didn't go

through the trouble

Of escaping the mountain academy

just so I could be bored

Out of my frickin' mind here

in the attic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, out

of everything you could've done,

All this,

you decide to throw horseshoes?

Yes. What do you do

in your free time, Felix?

It's complicated. You wouldn't

believe me if I told you, but...

try me.

I just bribed a janitor

with a crossbow

To fake

a parent-Teacher conference.

That sounds amazing.

Let me help you.

No.

I would be an absolute asset

to your team.

I'm professional. And how do you

know your plan doesn't need me?

Because my plan doesn't

involve getting screwed

- And going back to jail.

- Okay, at least...

At the very least,

tell me what you're doing.

Well, first I'm going

to need pizza.

Okay, why pizza?

- Because I'm...

- Stop. I know why pizza...

Because you're going

to put ex-Lax

On the pizza,

give it to the teacher.

He's going to have diarrhea

And not going to be able

to show up to the meeting.

- What? No, I...

- You're going to do

The "imposter pizza delivery

guy" switch, aren't you?

Ben. I'm getting pizza

because I'm hungry.

Oh.

Where have you been? My mom's

going to be here any minute.

- You said be here at 9:00.

- That was an hour ago.

Oh. Huh.

You know how to tie

a tie, right?

Well, I'll figure something out.

Remember, I need you

in room 34... Crap.

- What? What?

- Come on, get inside.

- What? What?

- My mom's here. Get inside.

- Ooh.

- Get inside.

Upstairs, come on.

No, no.

Felix?

Yeah?

What's going on?

What was that?

- W-What was what?

- Never mind.

Remember, we have to leave

for that meeting soon.

Okay.

Honey?

What's going on up there?

Uh, n-Nothing,

I just tripped.

You ready to leave soon?

Yep, sounds good.

What the hell did you do?

Who is that?

- It's shamus.

- Who is shamus?

He's my one hope

at faking this conference.

- Seriously? That?

- Yes.

You screwed

this whole thing up, man.

- What did you do?

- I don't know, man.

When I see bearded people

in my attic, I go buck wild.

Oh, you go buck wild, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Shamus, shamus, wake up.

- Oh, man.

- Shamus, wake up.

Shamus, wake up, buddy!

Wake up.

The conference is in 20 minutes.

Just tell mom he didn't show up.

No. The real Mr. Harris

is going to be there.

Felix, are you ready, honey?

- I got you, man.

- No.

Absolutely not.

Stay here.

- Trust me, dude, I got you.

- No.

Yes.

Felix, let's go!

Be right there!

No!

Oh, there you are, honey.

Come on.

I don't want to be late.

A little anxious

about this meeting.

I don't know what to expect.

I know exactly how you feel.

Boom town.

Target acquired.

Yeah, unfortunately,

I'm not gonna be available

Till late this afternoon.

You got it.

Mrs. Anders, you're not

due here until 12:00 noon.

Oh, Mrs. O'neil.

I'm Felix's mom.

Felix's mom?

Felix...

what's going on here?

- Ooh, were we scheduled later?

- No, no, no, no.

You weren't scheduled at all.

I don't understand.

Oh, is this because Felix

got an "A" in your class?

That's, uh...

no, Felix never got an "A"

in my class.

Felix never even passed

my class.

Are you sure you're thinking

of the right student?

Oh, I'm positive.

Felix, would you like

to explain this?

Mrs. O'neil, you're aware

that your son...

no longer attends

my class, right?

Yeah, Felix...

Oh, my god.

Mr. Harris?

Mr. Harris, are you okay?

- This is perfectly normal.

- How is this normal?

- He's narcoleptic or something.

- Oh.

- I'm calling an ambulance.

- No, mom, he's fine.

- Yes, a teacher just...

- He's okay, he really is.

- Had a stroke or something.

- Trust me.

I don't know.

We need medical help.

Mom, we don't need help.

We got it.

- Eastwood high school.

- We got this.

- Please hurry.

- He does this all the time.

- I'll wait outside.

- No, wait, mom.

Mom, chill, chill, chill, chill.

Oh, my god.

Ben?

What is going on here?

Ben, what's wrong?

I tried.

He just... Felix...

Oh, my god,

what is wrong with him?

- Honey?

- I don't want Montana.

Oh.

Wait a minute. W-What the hell

is he doing here?

I don't know.

He... Why would he be here?

Don't you dare lie to me.

I want answers.

You failed Mr. Harris' class,

didn't you?

No, I didn't...

- You faked your grades?

- What?

I am gonna talk to Mr. Truman

about this immediately.

He's not here.

It's the weekend.

Well, then I plan

on meeting with him

First thing Monday morning.

And when we get home,

you go to your room,

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