Expelled Page #4

What do you think?

I never planned to end up

like my brother.

Your dad's here to pick you up.

Excellent.

Come on out.

Hey, there, son.

Mr. O'neil?

Do you happen to have

a moist towelette, by chance?

Your son's in a lot of trouble.

What?

Felix, I am disappointed

in you, son!

Super, super disappointed!

I'm so sorry, dad.

- Ready, son?

- Yep.

All right, then.

See you.

You know, I was expecting you

To be a little bit more

upset, dad.

Or can I call you "Ben" now?

It's good to see you,

little bro.

Seriously.

- I missed you, man.

- I missed you too.

How did you know is me?

I mean, it wasn't hard

to recognize you,

Even with that little

creep-stache.

What made you think

that would work?

It did work, and you're welcome.

Sorry, I just... I just

can't believe he bought it.

What are you doing here, anyway?

Well, that one is kind of hard

to explain.

I haven't really told mom

and dad yet

About the whole

"great escape" thing, so...

- you okay there?

- Yeah.

I know a shortcut.

My brother's a different class

of troublemaker.

He's been caught more times

than I can count,

But he always manages

to power through.

He's a veteran rule-Breaker.

Me?

I prefer a more subtle approach.

Oh, yeah.

- Mm.

- Come on.

I got to say...

You definitely save my ass

from the mountain academy.

Yeah, you don't want

to go there.

So...

how did you escape?

Isn't that place,

like, maximum security?

To be honest,

it was pretty easy.

How?

I shipped myself out.

Last semester I got a job

in the mail room.

Every Monday I would sort

through everybody's letters

From a giant sack.

The other kids starting

calling me "sack boy."

But I had the last laugh.

I was supposed to ship back

a broken tandem bike

From our fitness class.

But there was just enough space

for me to crawl inside.

So I hopped in the box

And I shipped myself to freedom.

Wait.

Seriously?

How were you able to breathe?

There was plenty of oxygen,

as I recall.

- The box was shipped ground.

- Wait, wait, wait.

So you just changed

the address on the box?

Shipped myself

right to our doorstep, baby.

The crate...

You were in that crate.

Yes, dude, you walked

right pass me.

Oh.

Stretching my legs was...

borderline orgasmic.

Sneaking into the house

was easy.

Finding a permanent hiding spot

was even easier.

I quickly discovered

that the attic

Is the most badass part

of the house.

My old box of toys was up there.

So was Santa Claus.

It was a little cramped,

but I made do with what I had.

For the last few days,

I've been living in the attic,

Off of hot dogs and candy.

Hello?

When I heard you were arrested,

I immediately knew

what had to be done.

Oh, yes.

This is certainly him.

We're gonna need you

to pick him up at the station.

Absolutely. I'll be right

there to pick him up,

'Cause I'm his dad.

I mean this

in the best possible way,

But you are insane.

I can't thank you enough, man.

Of course, dude.

I got you.

You do know

That we are about five miles

from the house.

Are we walking the whole way?

Nope.

I fixed it...

sort of.

Dude, what is wrong

with this bike?

A lot of things.

Sorry.

Okay, nice and easy.

What are you doing?

- What do you mean?

- You can't use the front door,

The alarm system

activates after 10:00.

Get it together, man.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna sneak

through my bedroom window.

Are you kidding me?

It's right next

to mom and dad's room.

They're gonna hear you

when you go on the roof.

Okay.

So how do you suggest

that we get in?

The living-Room window.

That's a rookie move,

and you know it.

That window squeaks.

I have done this

a thousand times, Felix.

- So have I.

- All right, you don't get it.

It's my patootie

if we get caught.

Mom and dad are gonna send me

right back to Montana.

Not gonna happen.

Executive decision...

We're going through

the living-Room window.

- Let's go.

- Fine.

But once you're in the attic,

You need to be

absolutely silent.

Mom is the world's

lightest sleeper.

You don't need

to tell me this, man.

I'll be as quiet as a rodent.

Mouse, as quiet as a mouse.

A mouse is a rodent.

Yeah, but so is a squirrel.

Squirrels

are relatively quiet, man.

I'm gonna kill you.

Okay, all right.

Sorry.

Go, go, go.

Honey?

Is that you?

This way, this way.

Come on, this way.

- Hey.

- Hey.

What happened to going to bed

at a reasonable hour?

I did, I was asleep,

I just really needed a...

- banana.

- Don't touch that.

It was expensive.

Really?

The bowl.

Oh.

I got a call tonight

From the mountain academy

about your brother.

- Yeah.

- They can't find him.

He escaped.

They've been searching the area,

And they haven't found

anything yet.

I am just...

I am worried to death.

- I-I know your brother...

- Mom.

And I know what

he's capable of, and I...

It's okay.

Ben's gonna be fine.

You don't happen to know

anything about this, do you?

No. No. I-

You don't think

he'd come here to the...

What was that?

Was that upstairs?

No.

Yeah, I think it was upstairs.

Probably...

No, it came

from right over here.

What did you do?

Felix, what is wrong with you?

I told you that was expensive.

Why would you do

something like that?

Are you gonna help me

clean it up?

Felix!

Just trying to help.

The answer is "B."

- Are you insane?

I need the report card.

Do you not see that I'm in

the middle of a test right now?

Just get it at lunch.

Hey, hey.

My mom's been on my ass

all week.

I need it now.

- You're killing me.

- Yeah, buddy.

Thank you.

Hey, seriously,

the answer is "B."

Seriously, shut up.

It is.

I can see Emily's test.

Hi.

Are you serious?

"Are you serious?"

Any word when we can expect

to see your report card?

You mean...

this one right here?

Is that it?

Yep, got it in the mail

this morning.

Why didn't you tell us it came?

How do you think you did?

I think I did okay.

Oh, my god!

Straight "A" s...

the holy grail of academia.

Every parent wants to see

their kid succeed.

They also want the bragging

rights at Christmas parties.

They want the honor roll

bumper sticker

On the back of their minivan.

"A" s are like a reward

for properly raising your kid.

It's like catnip for parents.

Wow, Felix!

This is...

- Wow!

- I can't believe it.

You even got an "A"

in Mr. Harris' class.

What, you didn't think I'd be

able to handle chemistry?

No, no, no, we just got a call

from him a couple of weeks ago

About a parent-Teacher

conference.

I was worried

there was a problem,

But apparently not.

No.

You guys aren't actually

going to that, right?

Well, your dad can't make it

because he has a real job,

But I already said yes.

We're supposed to meet

with him on Saturday.

But there's really no reason to.

I have an "A" in his class.

I already told him

we were going, Felix.

Okay, you could just cancel it.

- Is everything okay?

- Is there...

something we should know about?

No. No.

Rate this script:3.8 / 4 votes