Extract Page #7

every day. Not a big deal. Back to bed.

- Can I get you some ice?

- I'm set.

Hi, Joel. Brian wants to see you.

Oh, my God.

What happened to your face?

Car door. Slammed it.

(JOEL MUTTERING)

Hey, did you talk to Step yet?

Not returning my calls.

Oh, sh*t. We got trouble.

He did talk to a lawyer.

Joe Adler, that personal-injury lawyer

you see on all the bus-stop bench ads.

He's got that freak-show hairdo.

I mean, you got to see this guy.

He is a human turd.

Sh*t. What happened to you?

I fell down some stairs. Joe Adler?

Yeah. I mean,

this could be a real problem.

We could be really screwed here.

(SIGHS) And we got to hire a couple of

new people because Cindy's quitting.

And did you know

she's been going out with Step?

What?

Can you believe that?

- Step?

- Yeah.

- Our Step?

- I know. Weird.

And they didn't even meet here.

They met, like, at some grocery store

or something, totally random.

You know, how a jimmy-john

little dingle berry like him

ends up with a girl like Cindy

is beyond me.

And if it's okay with you,

I'd like to go ahead and fire Hector.

Fire Hector? Why?

Well, you know, what's-her-face's

purse and dinkus' wallet.

It's got to be him. Who else could it be?

Uh, no. Do not fire Hector.

- Why not?

- Just... Just trust me on this.

Okay. If you say so.

Jenny, I don't feel very well.

I'm gonna go home early.

Sh*t.

What the...

What the hell are you doing

on my street again?

Dude, you weren't supposed to be here

for another four hours.

What... What happened to your face?

Same thing that's...

Your face is going to look like

my face if I ever...

Actually, your face is going to

look worse than mine if...

Listen, if I ever catch you anywhere

near my house or my wife again,

at the very least, you will be arrested.

For what? Suzie let me in.

Listen, man, I know she's your wife

and sh*t and whatever.

You might as well know,

I think we're in love.

(LAUGHS)

In love? Oh, are you stupid.

Stupid Brad. Stupid, dumb, dumb Brad.

You think that she is in love with you?

You don't even know her, okay?

You're nothing but a little piece of ass.

That's it.

I don't think so, dude.

You don't think so, dude?

Did you ever think

that she doesn't even know

that I paid you to have sex with her?

Did you ever think about that?

Did that ever skitter across

your little tiny brain?

How about I go home

and I tell her right now

that you did it all for money?

What about that, ding-ding?

Shut up. You wouldn't do that.

- Really? Watch this, slut.

- No!

- Here I go.

- No, wait! Please!

Don't! Man!

Listen, man, me and your wife

got something really special going on.

Please don't mess it up for me.

Don't mess it up?

You're talking about my wife!

My house! My pool! Stupid ass.

No, wait! Come on!

You can't do this to me!

Oh, yes, I can!

SUZIE:
Hi. You're home early.

So, how was that new pool cleaner?

What do you mean?

What do you think I mean?

Did he do a good job cleaning the pool?

Well, I...

Did he get all the leaves?

'Cause it doesn't look really clean.

I'm looking right at it,

and it looks pretty goddamn filthy.

Yeah, yeah.

It doesn't look like he did a good job.

I think he did a horrible job,

and I don't think

we're going to be using him anymore.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Are you sure you're feeling okay, Joel?

Can I take you to the doctor?

Nope!

- Do you want some aspirin?

- No, thank you!

How about some raisins?

(DOOR SLAMS)

(CAR ALARM BEEPS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

- Hey, Step.

- Joel! Come on in.

Great.

This is my half-brother, Phil.

- Well, let's go out back.

- All right.

Hey, hey! Close the door.

Sorry.

So, you're dating Cindy, huh?

Yes, sir. She's my girlfriend.

We might even get married after all this

lawsuit settlement stuff gets settled.

Huh.

Step, you might want to be

careful with her.

What do you mean?

Does she got an STD?

I just... Step, I'm not sure

how to put this,

but, you know,

you have got a lot of money

coming your way from the settlement.

You might want to be careful with her.

Joel, I know Cindy has got

her problems, but she means well.

She's the best thing

that's ever happened to me.

Step, I don't want to tell you what to do,

but I just want you

to think about this, you know.

If you go beyond the settlement,

you continue with the lawsuit,

you could bankrupt that company.

And people are going to lose their jobs,

a lot of people are gonna be

pissed off at you, so...

No, I ain't worried about that.

I can kick anybody's ass

at that whole company.

Yeah.

PHIL:
Well, I'm gonna kick somebody's

ass if you don't close that screen door!

Brad, we can't. I'm sorry.

- We have to stop doing this.

- Why?

Because it's not right,

and I feel horrible,

and you have to start cleaning the pool.

(FLIES BUZZING)

But I've never felt this way

about anyone before,

and I've been with a lot of chicks.

Okay, look, Brad.

I love my husband. I really do.

And this was a mistake. I'm sorry.

I don't know what got into me.

I was bored and frustrated,

and I was not feeling particularly pretty.

But we just... We have to stop this.

This has made me realize

I really want to make my marriage work.

I'm sorry.

This doesn't mean that we can't still

see each other, though, right?

Yes, that's...

That's exactly what it means.

Why?

Because of everything that I just said.

Do you need me to say it again?

(SIGHS)

Can I see you tomorrow?

- No.

- Can I see you Thursday?

- No.

- Can I see you Friday?

Okay. You know what?

You have to go. Come on.

- I'll call you tomorrow.

- Okay. Okay. Just... Okay.

We'll talk about it later.

Oh, my God. What a moron.

- Hey. Are you ready?

- Huh?

The meeting with Step's lawyer,

or lawyers.

- It's today, remember? Now.

- Sh*t.

I should fire all three of you

because you laughed at me

when I bought those bus-bench ads.

But this Step guy? He's the Holy Grail.

You see, if both his balls

had been knocked clean off,

he'd be a good case,

but not a great case.

A man with no balls is no man at all.

And a jury will never feel

they can walk in the shoes

of a ball-less, neutered, he-she freak.

But Step? He's got one ball, barely.

To a jury he's still a man, and that

manhood is hanging on by a thread.

I'm telling you,

this guy is a Powerball jackpot.

The f***ing...

Hello. I'm Joe Adler.

- Hi, Joe. Brian. This is Joel.

- Nice to see you.

- How are you?

- Hi.

You see those guys up there?

I heard those are the guys

from General Mills.

Look, if they're gonna sell this place

and cash out and leave me with no job,

then I should get some

of that cash, man.

I mean, it's only fair.

I've been working here for,

like, two years.

It's bullshit, man. I work my ass off.

Remember, Hector, I was telling you

how hard I worked my ass off?

I've been working here 14 years.

We can get jobs at GemCo like that.

And at GemCo,

all the employees are owners.

It even says so on the nametags.

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