Extraterrestrial

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Hello?! Is anyone in there?

Oh, thank God! Let me in!

Please let me in!

Sorry, lady, we just closed.

No, No! Please!

- 911, state your emergency.

- You've got to help me!

- They took them!

- Took who?

My boys! Oh, God.

We were just here, and they took them!

Ma'am? Ma'am? I need you to calm down

and give me your location.

Can you look around

and tell me what you see?

There's a gas station, on the highway...

What the f***?

Whoa!

- What the hell's going on?

- Well, we're not sure, boss.

This here is a... weird one.

Store clerk here said a woman,

brunette, like 30,

shows up around midnight,

she's acting irate,

banging on the door here

and wants to use the phone.

- And then...

- Then what?

I think I'll let the boy

tell you himself.

Now, sheriff, I'm not gonna lie to you,

I've done a lot of hallucinogens

in my day,

but what I saw last night,

that sh*t was out of this world.

Straight up.

Nancy McPherson.

Where did you go?

I know, yeah, I won't forget.

In the garage. Don't worry,

I'm using a wide angle lens.

Never mind. Mom? Ok.

Mom, I gotta go. I'm packing.

Mom, I'm getting off the phone now.

Ok. I love you, too. Bye.

- Mom busting your balls again?

- Yeah, she's driving me f***ing nuts.

Are you sure you want to come with me?

I could just take the photos

and come home tonight.

No, I'm coming with you

and it's gonna be great.

It's been a brutal semester, God knows

we both deserve some R and R.

If you say so.

It's gonna be fun. We can go on a hike,

little small campfire,

look up at the stars. And then...

I will make you my b*tch.

Or I can be your b*tch,

I can be your b*tch, too, if you want.

You're already my b*tch.

Dad, what do you want?

Hey, April!

- You actually see me over there?

- Hey, dad. Yeah, I can see you.

I can't talk for long, ok?

We're just getting ready to leave.

I still can't believe your mother's

making you go all the way out there.

Couldn't she just have gotten the real estate

agent to take the damn photos?

I don't know, she said it was gonna

cost too much. You know mom.

Cheapest woman I ever met. She's just

selling it to spite me, you know that right?

As if getting the goddamn house

wasn't enough.

Dad, are you drinking?

It's like eleven in the morning.

You know what they say, the only cure

for a hangover is to keep it coming.

Dad, seriously. Slow down.

I worry about you.

Did you catch the game last night?

Dad, I really can't talk for long,

we're, like, almost out the door.

Well, wait, wait. I...

I need you to grab some things

for me while you're out there.

Two fishing rods in the garage,

and a tackle box.

You'll find it behind the work bench.

Ok, fishing rods, tackle box. Got it.

Oh... and my shotgun. The double barrel.

It's in the basement.

If your mother wants that, she's gonna have

to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

Got it. One shotgun, dead hands.

Ok, dad, I'm gonna go now, ok?

I love you, I'll talk to you later. Bye.

Ok, how do I turn off...

I feel like I'm seventeen

all over again.

Did your dad find a new job yet?

He's been looking,

but he's not in very good shape.

Jesus, what now?

- Hello?

- Yo, b*tch!

Are we doing this sh*t, or what?

- We'll be down in a sec, chill.

- Well, it's hot as f*** down here, Kyle,

my balls are sweating

like a motherf***er. Let's go!

Who is that, is that Seth?

Ok, I probably should have

told you this earlier,

but I might have invited a few people

to come with us to the cabin.

- Kyle, seriously?

- April!

- Hey, Mel.

- Come on, April, let's do this sh*t!

Time is money.

I got places to go, people to see.

It's gonna be fun, I promise.

Oh, yeah, hey April, can I come upstairs

real quick? I gotta take a fat sh*t.

I so hate you right now.

- Come on, come on!

- Seth, watch it!

Watch this sh*t!

Motherf***er!

Don't f***ing do that again.

Don't be such a f***in' p*ssy, man.

There's nobody on the road!

- Oh, f***.

- If he searches us, we're f***ed.

I gotta tell you,

that is pretty high on the list of

stupidest things I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah, I'm really sorry,

officer. I'm an idiot.

I'm glad you're aware of it.

License and registration.

Yeah...

Where you kids headed?

My mom owns a cabin out here.

We're just staying at it for the weekend.

Well, we've had some

disturbances around here...

some break-ins, vandalism,

animals being killed.

Obviously, you kids wouldn't know

anything about that, would you?

No, nothing. We just got here.

- You're just visiting.

- Yes.

See, we get a lot of that. Kids coming down

for the weekend, getting drunk,

thinking they can do whatever they want.

I'm here to tell you that's not the case.

While you're in my town you best behave,

or you're gonna have to deal

with me and you don't want to do that.

- Are we clear?

- Yes, sir.

- I'm gonna give you a warning.

- Thank you.

No more f***in' around. Got it?

Yes, thank you.

We're not gonna be a problem.

Yep.

Remind me to punch you

in the dick, Seth.

Wow, this is amazing!

It's beautiful out here.

Yeah, April,

when you said cabin in the woods

I thought this

was gonna be a total shithole.

Oh, yeah! F***in' A!

This is what I'm talkin' about!

This is such a trip.

Last time I was here,

we were in middle school.

Yeah.

We used to come out here every summer.

I'm gonna go grab my camera,

hopefully I can get all the rooms

- before it gets dark out.

- Do you need any help?

- No, it's ok baby, I got it.

- Alright.

Hey, think fast, fuckhead!

Bottoms up, motherfuckers!

I figured it was coyotes,

so I replaced the whole damn fence.

Now I don't know what to think.

Well...

it doesn't look like coyotes, Rick.

It's too perfect, too clean.

If this keeps up,

I'm not gonna survive the season.

I'm gonna get animal control down here,

get things cleared up, ok? You take care.

I'm over here at the Riseman farm,

got another animal mutilation

- same as the others.

- Copy that, sheriff.

What the hell is going on in this town?

- No.

- Yeah.

Oh, my God, I can't believe

you slept with that guy.

- Yeah.

- No!

- Yeah!

- He was, like, forty and so guido!

Oh, whatever. He was hot.

So...

NYU probably has a pretty

good writing program.

You know, it would probably

be easy to transfer there.

- What?

- For Kyle.

If he wanted to go with you.

Melanie, I put a lot of thought into this, ok?

I just don't see it happening.

I don't know, it's just that there are

a lot of douchebag guys out there,

and Kyle isn't one of them.

- You guys are great together.

- I know we are, I just...

I don't want to be one of those girls

that marries her high school sweetheart

and then pops out three kids

and wonders what could have been.

Look, all I'm saying is that, you know,

maybe you should just think

about it a little bit more.

What? What is it? What the f***?

What the f***'s your problem?

Rusty, stop being so aggro.

F***ing... Rusty, come back here!

- Rusty!

- F***ing dumb dog.

Rusty!

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