Eye of the Beholder Page #4

any day ofthe week, princess.

- What areyou talking about?|- Nothing.

Forget it.

Stupid b*tch.

What areyou doing|in there, princess?

You haven't started without me,|haveyou?

Princess is in the middle|ofher ablutions.

Fuckwad.

I wishyoubluebirds in thespring

A little surprise on the dresser|nearyour purse, princess.

Just foryou.

A little dart action, you know?

You see, there's this barjust off|the one-fiive out of Baker...

where they have these|English dart championships.

And there's this guy.|And I bend over...

to pick up his girlfriend|who's sprawled on the floor...

completely f***ing smashed...

and the f***er hits me in the ass|with this yellow featherweight dart...

right between the cheeks.

Can you believe it?

So what do I do?|I nail him to the bar...

and use his head|for a f***ing dart competition.

What's all this stuff?

That'sjust a little something|to get the evening started, darling.

Thanks. I'll pass.

No. No, don't.|It'sjust for fun.

I don't want to have to blast alone.

It's not my thing.|You go right ahead. I'll watch.

You'll f***ing watch?

Ladies and gentlemen...

step right up|and watch the freak show...

and see for the fiirst time|in this country the amazing pin cushion!

Treatyourself, folks.

treatyourselfand watch|the bearded lady...

cut herselfto ribbons.

Come on, baby.

Baby fell down.

That's a good baby.

Here we go.

Welcome to heaven, princess.

No milk today, thanks.

Thankyou!

Now piss offand mind|your own f***ing business!

Yes?

Don't leave her.

She'sjust a little girl.|Don't leave her alone.

I'll never ever leave her.

Ever.

Cross my heart.

Hope to die?

Forever and ever.

Amen.

What the f*** is this?

Jesus Christ!|What the f***?

Get me the f*** out ofhere.

Motherf***er!

F*** it!

- The car! Where's the f***ing car?|- Morning there, partner.

Sound likeyou had|a little fun last night.

Where is she?|I said, where is she?

She went north|about a halfhour ago.

You gonna pay for them rooms?

- Hil, honey?|- Yeah.

We've got our lost dog.|Better late than never.

Christ.

I'vegot twoguys in Boston|pulling theplaceapart.

What thehellareyoudoing|in Utah?

I've lost the Hugokid, Hil,|andlneedsomehelp.

- Could you put an ASU out on all--|- We'vebeen trying to tellyou.

Hugo and his wife bought it|in a car accident a month ago.

So it's fiinished. It's over.|You're coming home.

Theboss is dead.

Jesus, I'vebeen worriedsick.|Howthehellareyousurviving?

You know me. Lucky legs.

Could you put an ASU out|on all hospitals for me?

A womanmay trytoregister|underthename--

For God's sake, listen to me.

Listen.

Hugohandedthe whole case|overto the Fedsmonths ago.

So it's over. You're coming home,|and that's an order.

Will you do|one last thing for me?

I'm not authorized to.

F*** authorization, Hil.|I'm in trouble here.

A woman may try and register into|hospital under the name Eris or Leonard.

This isan emergency, andthelast thing|lneednoware the f***ing Feds.

Willyouhelpme, please?

Look, I can't f***|this one up as well.

Please.

I'll see what I can do.

Hello, there.

Hello. Yoo-hoo.

Hello.

- Pardon?|- May I helpyou?

Yes.

I'vejust flown in to visit|a friend ofmine, missJoanna Eris.

Oh, good!

I'm so glad somebody came,|it being Christmas and everything.

She's down the hall in 36...

although she's probably|asleep by now.

You know she lost the baby, don'tyou?

Who was he?

He didn't say, dear.

But he asked for me by name?|He saidJoanna Eris?

Yes.|He said he was a friend.

- What did he look like?|- Like a salesman.

They all look the same to me--

salesmen, reporters, photographers.

They getyour names from the registry|and come to sell baby products.

That'saroger.|Will wait till furthernotice.

Standing by.

Got any change?

Come on!|F***ing come on! Come on!

Buddy, you got a buck?

Miss Eris?

Federal police.

Would you mind coming|with us, please?

- Why?|- We'll explain in the car.

In the car, please.

Two, three.

Morning, Nellie.

- I'm readywhen you are, darling.|- Get over it, pal.

It's not gonna happen.

I'd like the omelet|with herbs, please.

- The what?|- Omelet with herbs.

You shouldn't have to ask, Nell.

We're gonna install a bed here for him.|How areyou, Frank?

- I'm good, Lizzie.|- Good.

Soyou come in a lot?

Last couple ofweeks. You?|Haveyou been here long?

I don't know.|Couple months.

Side dishes?

- Taurus?|- Yeah.

- Doyou believe in the stars?|- Not anymore.

Pisces reads...

"It may seem you have reached|the end ofyour road...

but all is about to change.

The sacrifiiceyou are about to make|will become another's salvation."

And then it says,|"You will never be forgotten."

- Doyou want some coffee?|- Yes, please.

I'm bustin' at the seams, Frank.

You don't mind sharing, doyou?

All done, gentlemen?

- Who gets the check?|- I got it.

Coffee?

- What doyou think?|- Can't say for sure.

- Worth a try, though.|- Yeah.

F***ing cops.

What about them?

You can always spot them.

Didn't notice.

I don't know what timeyou're fiinished,|but I'm coming back later...

and I wondered ifmaybe|you would want a drink.

I'm working a double.|Thanks.

Watch the alarm.|Raccoons keep setting them off...

and I sure ain't coming down here|at 4:00 a.m. to reason with them again.

Night-night.

Night, Frank.

I said, night, Frank.

Night, Lizzie.

I'm in real estate in the valley.

That's why I can helpyou|get a house.

Getting a house isn't a problem.

It's easy enough.

What doyou do in a house...

when you wake up in it?

What doyou do on Christmas...

in a house?

I'm supposed to be so...

young, and not have anything|to show for myself...

except a big sense ofloss.

That hardly fiills up a house.

What haveyou lost?

I've lost my childhood...

myyouth...

my father...

my husband...

my daughter.

She wasn't any bigger than a minute.

Barely had a name.

Now my mind's going too.|It plays tricks on me.

And spookiest ofall,|I lost my angel.

I had a guardian|who looked after me.

I think I miss him most.

My angel.

Maybe he'll come back someday.

Come back and bury me|in my favorite graveyard in Valdez.

It's not up to us, though.

Is it?|It's up to the gods.

The whole thing is.

What haveyou lost?

It's only fair.

This one's my daughter...

I think.

She was an embassy kid|and was relocated--

or dislocated is, I think,|the word that they used--

every ten months.

I simply came home one day|and she wasn't there anymore.

And seven years later,|I stopped looking for her.

The thing that gets me the most|is that she had no choice.

She simplywoke up one morning...

and didn't have a father anymore.

So I'm just a daddy|who lost his little girl.

And I guess you're a little girl...

who lost her daddy.

And that's it.

End ofstory.

Romeo, we're real crowded today.|You're gonna have to share.

What can I getyou?

Coffee.

That's it?

For the record, Lieutenant,|I think this is a very sick scenario.

Nobody's accusing|anybodyyet, Doctor.

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