Eyyvah eyvah

---

No lifejackets, no radar reflector,

port and starboard lights not working.

No certificate of seaworthiness.

- The boat has no engine either!

- Hseyin! You little backstabber!

What's true.

We're victims here! Look, chief!

Where's the G? The G's gone!

Cut it out! OK, you were paming at sea.

But why in the path of a ship?

We aren't lunatics, chief.

Whywould we want to get in its wa

That Muharrem couldn't get

the engine to start.

He rowed and rowed

but didn't get anhere.

What can we do?

It's our bread and butter, chief.

Right, it's bread and butter, chief.

What we do for a living.

iman Abi said we'd be doing a pam

for the bridegroom.

He said we'd do it in the rowboat.

Go on, tell him, iman Abi!

l said we should have a pam

with the bridegroom. In the harbour.

You need lifejackets of course

if you go out to sea, but well..

Damn you! You screw us over in seconds!

Like you've ever seen a lifejacket!

- Tell the truth or l'll beat you shitless!

- Cut it out!

You, fatso. Step forward.

- Write!.. Victim one. What's your name?

- Hseyin Badem.

- Your mother's name?

- Ayse.

- Your father's name?

- Ali RIza, but it says Halil on my ID.

Who's Halil?

My grandfather. l mean, my ID has

his name on it as my father's name.

- So you use your mother's surname?

- Yes.

- Morning, treasures! What's up?

- Morning, Hseyin!

Don't wait for me for dinner tonight.

You go ahead, gran.

- What are you up to, Hseyin?

- Playing at a wedding in Dalyan.

- How much are you getting?

- They said 100 lira each.

Don't spend it all on drink again!

Look who's talking! l haven't seen you

drink water in 45 years!

And you say your liver shows up clean,

however that works.

Your doctor fiddled it!

Of course it's clean. The doctor says

it's like the best lamb's liver.

- Anaway. OK, goodbye.

- Wait, don't go! Here you go.

No way, gran! l'd rather die!

Down with it, young buck!

Look, l've been doing this 30 years

and has it done me any good?!

l've turned into an egg instead!

Go on, drink it!

Bravo, young buck!

Just let it work its magic.

Hatice!

Huh?

Give me some money.

You give me some!

l'm telling you, l'm clean out.

l'll sell the cart and give it back.

That cart will never finish!

The horses will die

before that cart finishes!

You're so stubborn, woman!

So damn stubborn!

God damn you!

Evey frigging morning!

Oh my god!

l knew l'd see you.

Just one look and l'd give anything!

Do you have to be so pure?

- Selam aleykum, Murat Alemdar!

- Aleykum selam, Hseyin Abi!

- So how are things?

- Fine. The usual. Come over.

- Give us a shave then.

- Sure, no problem.

Abi asked about you yesterday.

l sounded him out.

Turns out the girl is sick.

He said you should go and take a look.

Your mobile was mitched off.

l said you'd go round in the morning,

that you'd sort her out.

l said greatness in this world

is about not forgetting favours.

l said he'd look out for you one day.

Did l say the right thing?

Are you off your head? You'll cut me!

Which Abi? Which girl?

You know, Yakup Abi.

Why are you talking like that?!

Goddamn psycho! OK, l'll call by.

Now give us that shave!

Hey, OK! Now tilt your head...

...and l'll give you a normal shave.

Keep calm or l'll kill you!

Give me a break! OK, OK. Come on.

- She's down.

- Huh?

- Seriously.

- What can l do?

- Don't you take her out?

- Where?

To the shops!

Look, she can't sh*t. She's all bloated.

Take her out.

But she won't walk!

Of course she won't!

Come here. Look. What's this?

- What's that?

- Her meniscus.

lt's a torn meniscus, Yakup Abi.

But she doesn't play football!

Do cows get torn meniscuses?

Sure! Doesn't she have the right?

How's she supposed to ist her knee?

- Hey! It's Muharrem Agha!

- Welcome, Muharrem!

Thanks, boys!

Why are you tying up the dog, chief?

Let him free, let him wander.

- God help us! No chance, boys!

- Why not?

He's all horny, boys. He won't leave

the b*tches round here alone.

He's got the hots for

Gamze's dog at the hotel.

Whenever l look for him, he's there.

He'll get me in hot water with her.

- He's a frigging womanizer!

- What's up,?aban Abi?

Even the dog's better at it than me!

Hseyin, l have big problems, son.

Well, you'd understand.

You know those pills?

The ones that help? Should l ty them?

But there supposed to be dodgy.

They can give you a heart attack, Abi.

- So what can l do?

- Sea urchins!

Open them up with a knife and mallow.

They help?

Yes! There organic.

Just the thing. And natural.

- Stop leering or we'll be in trouble.

- What can l do? She's looking at me.

So don't look!

- Enough! What are you? A gyps

- But what's wrong?

Sit down! You can dance later.

Come on, sit. Move!

Sema! Wait, girl.

Wait, girl. Wait!

The girl's on the way out!

Stop the music!

She's going to choke.

Hey, stop! You'll choke her.

You've got it all wrong!

Hseyin! What the hell

are you doing to my sister?

- Are you OK?

- Yes.

- How many fingers?

- Three.

- Now?

- Five.

- Who's that?

- l don't know him.

- No, no. Him.

- She means me.

iman, the animal! The jerk who smashed

a bottle over my head!

OK, calm down.

Hey, l'm sory, Hseyin.

l got the wrong idea. l thought..

What the hell did you think?

l saved the girl's life.

She had a chickpea

stuck in her windpipe.

The only thing to do is press on

her diaphragm. Or turn her upside down.

OK, iman Abi. You go now.

Eveything's fine. He's conscious. OK?

Really, l'm sory, Hseyin.

- l guess you're into medicine.

- l'm into animals.

l learned by myself, treating animals.

As a hobby, l mean.

My mum knew about breaks and stuff

when she was alive. That helped too.

Real. Anaway, feel better soon.

And let me see you again tomorrow.

- What time? Where?

- Here.

- Yes. By the way, l'm Hseyin.

- And l'm Mjgan.

- Nice to meet you.

- Likewise. Take it a bit easy tonight.

- Sure. l'll just go straight to bed.

- OK.

ln the name of God, the Merciful,

be my refuge, Holy Prophet.

Keep my boy from evil, Lord.

Spare him trouble.

Hatice!

What are you shouting about?

Ah! You scared the life out of me!

Why are you out the back, damn you?

The cat ran away. The cat!

l'm looking for her. Did you see her?

- No. You have any cigarettes, Halil?

- Yes.

He has no mother, no father.

We're all he has in life.

- That frightens me.

- But he's OK, thank goodness.

Thank God.

And ifwe could find him a wife..

That'll happen in good time, Hatice.

Eveything in this life is destiny.

Come here, wench!

Look at that!

Granddad, what's going on?

- Huh?

- What are you up to?

- Morning, Hseyin. What are you up to?

- Fine. The usual. What about you?

- What do you expect?

- What's going on with the wall?

Huh.. l made a mirror. Look!

l'm hanging it there on the wall.

At this time of day for god's sake?!

Granddad?

Have you grown pink roses this year?

Aha. There's more round the back.

l charge 25 lira a rose.

- You charge me as well?

- Yes.

God damn you!

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