Faces Page #2

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I know this jerk?

- Well, Dickie, he's just Dickie.

- No, no, no.

- I'm not one of these guys who has a few

- I know.

- Ah, he didn't mean it.

- Oh. There he is.

- Come on out, and to hell

with the family and responsibilities.

- That's right.

Come on. Let's ball it up, old buddy.

We don't even know each other.

I'm talking about

somebody deep down!

- That's right. That's right.

- I'm talk

He's gonna cry.

Do something. Freddie!

[Forst]

I'm talking about something

[Mimicking Sobs]

Oh, Dickie, Dickie, Dickie.

Hi, ho, Silver, away!

Get 'em up, Scout!

The Lone Ranger rides again.

Masked bandits. Get 'em, Tonto!

[Mimics Gunfire]

Aaah! Aaah!

Aaah! My hand!

Oh, and I shot your hand.

That's a silver bullet.

Hi, ho, Silver, away!

Hey, Jeannie.

Hey, Jeannie.

Did you hear the one

[Laughing]

About the goose that

went down into the subway...

and got peopled to death?

Oh, isn't that

Listen, do you know

that Dickie and I...

# Used to do routines in college #

[Laughing]

Oh, boy!

- Hey, Freddie.

- Remember that time

we auditioned for the nightclub?

Ah, it closed! Hey, Freddie, let's do

one of our routines forJeannie, eh?

Come on.

Come on. Let's do it.

- Well, come on!

- [Laughs]

It wasn't funny then, buddy,

and a hundred years wouldn't change it.

Listen, Freddie, after what I saw on television,

I'm not ashamed of any of our routines.

- Now, come on. Come on.

- Come on. I do want to see it.

- Come on!

- All right! Let's do it.

- Come on, you crazy, shy son of a b*tch.

- Go ahead.

Up on your feet.

Come on.

Come on! Come on!

- She doesn't want to see it.

- Come on! I'll do that goddamn routine!

- No. To hell with ya.

- Come on! Hey, listen. Get this.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the great Siegfried!

- Yea! Yea!

- ## [Mimics Trumpet Flourish]

Bow! Bow, will ya! Bow!

Aw, come on, Dickie! Bow!

Oh, phooey!

Phooey, phooey, phooey!

He spoiled the whole goddamn act.

When the drumroll begins,

he's supposed to bow.

All right, you big chickens.

I'll do mine.

- Okay, you ready? Listen.

- I'm ready!

Neither one of you's

a communist, are you?

- Well, uh

- Oh, I don't care.

I made this up.

All right?

[With Russian Accent]

#There's a #

# Moscow theater

where the Reds love to go #

#To see Sonia the cutie

of the burleskovitch show #

#All the Commies love her stripping

to the very last man #

#They claim it's even better

than the Five-Year Plan #

#Take it off

Take it off #

# Da-da, da-da #

- #Take it off, take it off #

- ## [Freddie Vocalizing]

#Take it off

Take it off #

# But she didn't join the fun ##

- [All Laughing]

- [Freddie] Whee!

[Jeannie Sighing]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Come on, Dickie. Come on.

- What?

Now, listen. Get the picture.

- Stand up there.

- This is a fine

- This is a fine impression

we'll make with the lady, huh?

- Stand up there!

- "Stand up there."

- Listen. Get the picture.

- We

- Boy, this is ridiculous.

- Look, I'm gonna We're gonna do it

if my heart doesn't give out.

- All right.

Are you ready?

Now, get the picture.

Pinpoint spot.

[Makes Whooshing Sound]

- I got the picture. I got it.

- Got it?

- Achtung!

- Achtung!

- Right turn!

- Right turn!

- Right turn!

- [Yelling] Shoulders back!

- Back!

- [Yells]

- [Yells]

- [Yells]

[Grunting]

Cut.

[Laughs]

[Growling]

- Attention.

- Attenzione!

Ooh!

Ta-da!

And I'm supposed to act like

like it's all a big mistake.

- It's wonderful. You're wonderful.

- [Freddie] Ooh, Jeannie.

You're great.

And now

And now, if you'll excuse me...

I'm going into the boudoir to change

into something more comfortable.

Don't worry. You shall feel

many guilts but remain pure.

[Sighs]

Oh. My heart.

It's beating.

- I'm so excited.

- Sh*t!

Uh-huh.

What are we doin' on our knees?

[Laughing]

What is the matter with you?

[Humming]

She's gonna change!

Ooh, Dickie. Remember when we didn't

have to worry about our wives and kids?

Oh, God!

Yeah.

Phew.

Mmm.

Remember when we had

our own apartment...

and all the girls would

come up and see us?

And they'd mix drinks for us,

and they would cook us anything we wanted...

and then they'd give us their money

and go to bed with us.

- Don't you remember?

- It never happened.

Of course it did. Don't you remember

Connie and Julie and what the hell's her name?

- The one with the

- I don't know.

Oh, my God, Dickie! You're getting old

and gray, and I'm getting fat and gray.

What the hell's she doing in there?

# I dream #

# OfJeannie with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair, hey #

# Hey, I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair, hey #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair, hey, hey #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

##[Both Mumbling]

# Light brown hair #

# I dream of Freddie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie #

#With the light brown hair #

## [All Humming]

# I dream ofJeannie with the #

# I dream of Dickie with the silver hair #

# I dream ofJeannie

with the light brown hair #

# I dream ofJeannie #

[Laughs]

# Light brown hair #

# I dream #

[Jeannie]

Sing it, Dickie.

Hey, uh

## [Jeannie Humming]

## [Forst Humming]

# I dream ofJeannie #

#With the light brown hair #

# Borne like a vapor #

## [Humming]

# I dream #

# OfJeannie

with her light brown hair #

## [Both Humming]

By the way, Jeannie,

what do you charge?

# I dream ofJeannie #

#With the light ##

Oh, Freddie.

Aw, Freddie.

Aw, no, Freddie.

Don't spoil it, Freddie. Please.

Spoil what?

Honey, I'm game for anything.

I just want to know

how much you charge.

It's legitimate, isn't it?

I know I have to pay.

I'm not too schooled

in these things...

but I know somewhere along the line, your

little hand's gonna find its way into my pocket.

You're shocked, aren't you,

old Dickie, old pal?

What do you think she is? You think she's

some clean towel that's never been used?

[Freddie]

My God, Dickie. You think you don't pay?

How many times a week

does Maria ask you for some money?

Money, Charlie, is a necessity. And don't you think

that you don't work for it and pay for it.

My God, wait.

What is this?

He thinks I'm insulting you.

I'm offering you.

Hell, look!

What's the matter?

If I went to one of

those fancy restaurants...

I'd probably tip the headwaiter,

the waiter, the busboy...

and a hundred bucks

goes flying down the drain.

And I couldn't have any more fun

than I could with Jeannie here.

- Let go of my girl.

- Dickie, wait. Please.

Please. Please. Please.

Don't be shocked.

It's like this.

Fred is a very sad man.

- Now, you

- Will you let me finish!

Because you're a man

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