Fair Game

---

Warner Bros.

[tires screech]

[gunshots]

Recording:
You have reached

gold coast savings and loan.

If you're calling

about a checking account,

Press 1.

For a savings account,

press 2.

For an automobile

or home loan...

You're still on hold?

20 minutes.

Is it a felony

to shoot a computer?

Only in California.

Ha ha ha.

Operator:

Thanks for holding.

It's still

in the computer.

You're trying to tell me

That some TRW computer

says I bounced a check

For, what, $26

7 years ago,

And now you're not

giving me the loan?

This is actually stopping me

from getting my condo.

Operator:
The check

is marked unpaid.

I paid the check!

Operator:
Hold, please.

I don't believe it.

They put me back on hold.

Cheer up.

You have a visitor.

Rita.

This is your mail

Because it's got

your name on it, OK?

My mail is sometimes

addressed to "occupant"

Because, Max,

I am the f***ing occupant

of my place.

You, on the other hand,

Are no longer

an occupant.

Is this sinking in?

Get your sh*t out

of my place!

Rita, please don't

do this to me here, OK?

Excuse me, Max.

Um, sorry if I'm

disturbing you guys,

But...Do I look like

a warehouse, huh?

Because this guy here,

he thinks I do.

He won't get his stuff

out of my place.

You should look at some

of the sh*t he holds onto.

Rita.

Come here.

Give me a break, OK?

Just cut me some slack

on some storage space.

No. You're out

of slacks, Max.

No more slacks for you.

Shh! Shh.

Don't you shh!

I'm not one

of your goddamn buddies.

I'm sick of you

treating me this way.

Gun!

Aah!

Get down! Get down!

Ay, Max!

Don't move!

Put the gun down

or he's dead!

Hey, put that f***ing

gun down, man!

Don't be the hero!

Put that gun down!

Max, que pasa, Max?

Get the f***

out of the way.

Take it easy, man.

I'm just trying to resolve

A little problem

with my girlfriend,

And you're interrupting.

Ex-girlfriend.

So why don't you take

the .357,

Shove it up your ass,

And blow your f***ing

brains out?

What are you

talking about, man?

Hey!

Motherf***er!

That was

probably stupid.

Yeah, well, somebody

had to get the gun out

Of the schmuck's ear,

didn't they? Come on.

Got him?

Yeah.

So, computer is good for

something after all, huh?

Ay, dios mio.

Ay, dios mio.

Ay, Santa Maria...

Are you OK, Rita?

Don't touch me, Max.

I don't need this sh*t

in my life, you know?

You know, Max,

I think it is

really beautiful

The way you two

have stayed so close.

[speaking Spanish]

Next time,

shoot him.

The next detective

Who allows an armed

bail bondsman in here

Does traffic

for 2 months!

I'm dead serious!

Way to go, sly.

Now that you're all

warmed up,

How about room 4?

It's, uh...

She's a jogger.

She caught a stray bullet

on ocean drive--

Kathryn McQuean.

Ocean drive?

Nobody gets shot

on ocean drive.

Too ritzy.

Ah, you caught me.

I'm lying because

I like to make sh*t up.

Come on. Room 4.

She's waiting.

No, no, no.

Whatever you do,

Do not let Hollenbach

out of that office.

Order him something

to eat.

He'd stay in

a burning building

For a free meal.

I'll be back in about

30 minutes, OK?

I have to go now. Bye.

Miss McQuean?

Yes.

Why don't you

take a seat?

I'm detective Kirkpatrick,

metro Dade homicide.

Need to ask you

a few questions

About this shooting.

I'd like

to help you,

But I can't even

tell you

If there was

a shooting.

[telephone rings]

[ring ring]

[ring ring]

Kirkpatrick.

Hold on, please.

It's for you.

Thanks.

Hello? Amy?

I need my notes on

the Juantorena settlement

Typed up for my meeting

with Hollenbach.

You did it already?

Thank you.

You are a lifesaver.

Can you hold on

a second?

Would you mind

not smoking that?

Sure.

Thanks.

Can you just

send them over,

And I'll proof them

here?

OK. Bye.

So, um...Ahem.

Miss McQuean,

I'm a little bit

confused.

My report here

Indicates that there were

several witnesses--

All I know

is a window broke,

And I got cut

by flying glass.

I saw a car zoom away,

if that's any help.

[telephone rings]

Kirkpatrick.

[ring]

Kirkpatrick.

Man:

Hey, who's on this line?

Who's this?

Man:
This is

the records department.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

It's the fax machine.

Thanks.

Sorry for all

the interruptions--

Phones ringing,

faxes coming in.

[chuckles]

It's, um...

For you...

Again.

Can I borrow your pen?

So, what did you do here,

move in?

I've been waiting here

for over an hour.

I can't just put

my life on hold

For your red tape.

My red tape?

That's a laugh,

Considering your people

invented red tape.

My people?

Yeah.

It says right here

you're a lawyer, right?

Is that a problem?

Only if you like seeing

criminals put behind bars.

You're right.

It would be

so much easier

If we could just

lock people up

Without a trial,

Wouldn't it?

Did I say that?

You people

all say that.

Maybe it's because

You people work

for the bad guys.

Actually,

I do civil law,

not criminal law.

But if you're looking

for bad guys,

We could start

right here.

What's that

supposed to mean?

Just that Florida

law enforcement

Has set

a world record

In bribery

and corruption.

A world record, huh?

Know what they call

a Florida cop

In a 3-piece suit?

The defendant.

Do you know what

they call 50 lawyers

At the bottom

of the ocean?

A good start.

You know that one.

If you're done

with your report,

Can I go now?

You stay here

one more minute,

I'm going to start

charging you rent.

[beep]

If you keep me

another minute,

I start billing you

for my time.

Wouldn't surprise me.

[ring ring]

[ring ring]

Kirkpatrick.

Woman:
Is Kate McQuean

still there?

She's not here.

Do you know

where she went?

Why don't you try

the bottom of the ocean?

Oh, Maria,

I'll be with you soon, OK?

Oh, OK sure.

Good morning, Lisa.

How are you?

You made

some friends today?

Yeah.

Good.

Messages?

Hollenbach's waiting

in your office.

Thanks.

Welcome.

It's about time.

I had to cancel my lunch

with Donny Trump.

Sorry. I got hung up

at police headquarters

For almost 2 hours.

Why don't you do

what I do?

Plead the fifth,

You're out of there

in 5 minutes.

Thanks for the tip.

No charge.

Counselor, why are

we confining ourselves

To this

very stuffy office

When we could be

at the beach

Frolicking

in our bikinis,

Or in your case,

a thong?

I believe we wrapped up

the Juantorena case

A fortnight ago.

Well, it just

got unwrapped...

Last week...

When I learned that

you helped your client

Hide some

community property

That I can claim

for my client.

I have no idea what

you're referring to.

I'm talking about

the aspen ski house you hid

With your

client's brother...

And the coral gables condo

you hid with his sister...

And the plane you hid

with his mother.

Counselor, there

is no ski house,

There is no condo,

And his mother

borrowed the plane.

His mother's senile.

That's it.

She forgot

to come back.

Counselor,

these charges

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