Fame Page #8

Got a special today on fried clams.

- Fried clams sound great.

- Yeah, that's fine.

- Fried clams is great.

Yeah, sounds good.

Of course.

Welcome to Catch a Rising Star.

Tonight is Monday night.

Did anybody know it was Monday night?

Monday night is audition night.

Anybody from anywhere...

...can come up here and do

what they want.

You should see what walks in the room.

Some of the people that started here

were David Brenner...

...Jimmie Walker...

...Gabe Kaplan, Freddie Prinze.

Maybe this next young man might...

...watch them on television.

Please welcome the comedy stylings...

...of Ralph Garci, ladies and gentlemen.

Yay, Ralph!

Thank you.

Like Richard said,

my name is Ralph Garci.

I'm a professional a**hole.

I see we have a few

amateurs in the audience.

That's very good. I have some-

Some. I have all of my friends here

tonight. From P.A. Graduating class.

From P.A.!

It's very important to have friends.

I live in the South Bronx.

That's the country just north of Harlem

and west of Puerto Rico.

It's a very tough neighborhood.

The dogs carry knives. Right.

Did you ever see a baby

with a zip gun?

You gotta have friends. You can't

alienate anybody up there. Nobody.

Black people, white people, Chicanos,

Puerto Ricans, cockroaches.

You gotta respect cockroaches.

They got a good union.

Last week, 15,000 marched down my

block demanding better housing.

But I love the South Bronx.

Everywhere you go from there is up.

Everybody has dreams in the

South Bronx. I had dreams.

Stop your average boy

on a South Bronx street...

...and ask him

what he wants to be.

"I want to be an ex-junkie, man. "

You can see them every day.

You can't drive because of the dreams

on the streets being seen by cokeheads.

The minute that white line's laid down

the street, you got somebody going:

It's true.

And then there is sex.

Oh, yeah.

Kids are into sex earlier in South Bronx.

Like about 6 a. m.

You were wonderful.

No.

- Really.

- I was good. I felt more than good.

- The guy wants me back.

- You're kidding!

He wants to book me regularly.

- Great!

- That's not great...

...it's fantastic! It's like electricity.

You're out there. Those faces are

out there, staring at you...

...and you draw them in, then

you hit them with the juice.

And bam! They f***ing explode!

And that power goes back and forth.

Next thing you know,

you're making them laugh.

That is the meanest high there is.

That beats dope. That beats sex.

I love f***ing acting!

With my money, we can get

a place. We can get married maybe.

I'll have $20,000 a week, a hit

TV series, my face on TV Guide!

- Wait!

- What?

- What about me? Don't I get a career?

- A career? I'll give you a career.

How about Shakespeare in the Park

and you get to win 17 Tony awards?

- All right. Bye.

- All right. Okay. Bye.

- Bye!

- Don't mug anybody.

- Don't rape anybody.

- I'll rape you.

Don't rape anybody, okay?

I'll see you later. Take care.

You see...

...I've been offered this place

with the San Francisco Ballet.

I haven't told anyone yet,

but I'm gonna take it.

I don't care what they think.

I'm a good dancer. Better than good.

Maybe even the best in the school.

That's not conceit.

It's just simple honesty.

If I stay in New York, everybody will

think I bought my way into ABT.

I'm not starving myself to death

for Balanchine's City Ballet.

Not that I mind doing

the corps de ballet bullshit.

I'd sooner do it out of town.

I'll pay my dues on the West Coast.

Come back to New York as a star.

You see...

...I've always had this crazy dream...

...of dancing all the classical

roles before I'm 21.

I want Giselles and Coppelias

coming out of my feet.

And Sleeping Beauties...

...and the Swan.

I want bravos in Stuttgart

and Leningrad...

...and Paris.

Maybe even a ballet

created especially for me.

You see...

...there's no room for a baby.

Will this be Master Charge

or American Express, honey?

Excuse me.

You're an actress, aren't you?

I might be.

A Chorus Line, right?

Aren't you the one that does that

hot, smoky number in the red dress?

I'm right, ain't I? I knew it.

Boy, let me tell you, you are

the best thing in that show.

I guess you get tired of hearing that.

Excuse me.

No, I don't.

You don't belong there.

If you don't mind my

saying so, you're a star.

You need a show all to yourself.

- You've got a lovely face, a great figure.

- I sing too.

- No.

- And play the piano.

That's what I mean. But it's

more than just talent...

...it's a certain quality.

You're the kind of girl that

stands out in a room.

This might sound a little

presumptuous of me...

I should probably

just call your agent.

- I don't really relate to agents.

- Don't blame you at all.

Listen, my name is Franois.

Franois Lafete.

Coco.

Coco? Coco? That's terrific!

Listen, Coco, I'm doing this picture

down in the south of France, you know?

I was wondering if...

...maybe you'd like to do

a screen test for me.

Are you serious?

Lost in what I overheard

My little princess lay

- It sometimes annoys me

- Bunsky.

- But I know it enjoys me

- Hey, Bunsky.

You seen Sherwood?

She's with her husband.

- I didn't know she had a husband.

- He's sick, Leroy.

He'd have to be to be her husband.

He's quite bad.

In the hospital, anyway.

- Hospital?

- Apparently.

Okay, Schlepstein.

Leroy. What are you doing here?

You ever heard of Alvin Ailey?

Alvin Ailey?

He's a...

He's a choreographer?

He wants me to join his company.

I'm sorry, Leroy, but I don't think

this is the time-

I can't if you flunk me out.

I have to pass.

You should've thought of it

four years ago.

Where I come from

it don't pay to read and speak white.

Don't lecture me, Leroy.

Maybe I didn't say it right, but you

been down hard on me since day one.

Whatever you say, Leroy. Go home.

I stopped going home!

You never knew that, did you?

You make a big deal about pulling us out

of the gutter, yet you won't eat with us.

You know where that leaves people

like me? Nowhere!

- It isn't the time. I don't wanna hear it.

- You're going to hear it!

- I'm gonna be a good dancer!

- Just get out of here, please!

- You will not keep me down...

- Leave me alone!

...because I can't read stories!

- Don't you think of anyone but yourself?

Hey.

How's your old man doing?

Sh*t.

Here.

Thank you.

- Coco.

- Hi.

Bonjour. You made it. Come on in.

- Am I early?

- Don't be silly. Let me take your coat.

- Where's the crew?

- You're looking at him.

I must have total control of

the creative product.

Like Godard.

- Jean-Luc Godard? Ever hear of that guy?

- French?

Ah, oui. Like me.

- You ever see any of his pictures?

- Sure.

- Then you know what I'm talking about.

- Yeah.

You see, I belong, sort of, to the

auteur school of filmmaking.

It's like the-

It's like the Mediterranean

approach, you know what I mean?

- Do you want a beer?

- No, thanks. I'm okay.

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