Family Business Page #4

Yeah.

You can't wheel my casket

dolly around the place.

This is a wake.

There ought to be a little decorum.

There's a barrel of beer on its way,

we need to set it on something.

Not in my place. The Board of Health

can close me.

Neary, since you've gone AA,

you're like a wet rag.

It's illegal to even bring beer in here.

Neary, the mortician.

His sister Margaret, an ex-nun,

used to own a very classy, expensive...

...nursery school down on Gramercy

Park. You interviewed for that.

- An interview for a nursery school?

- It was very fancy.

- What did they ask me?

- What you watched on TV...

...did you know your ABCs...

- Of course I knew my ABCs.

Adam, you read an entire

New York Times editorial on the U.N.

- Adam, you missed exactly five words.

- Spare me the rest.

- They offer me a scholarship?

- A scholarship?

They would have paid $ 1000 a semester

just to get their hands on you.

They wanted me for what

all the other schools did.

Solve geometry problems in

the fourth grade for important visitors.

I used to feel like a performing seal

at the blackboard.

- Adam, you were so gifted.

- Let's just drop it, Pop.

A gift shouldn't be thrown

in the garbage.

- This is not the time or the place...

- This is the perfect time and place.

See, I was raised to be a thief.

You weren't.

- You don't have to go along.

- No, you, you don't have to go along.

- That's the real point.

- I wanna go along.

Your mom and I had such

enormous hopes for you, kiddo.

- Nobody's hopes work out, Pop.

- Right.

I'm half your age, I already know that.

Well, a toast seems appropriate.

- To Danny Doheny.

- To hell with him.

To McMullens.

Now then, lucky lads, let's catch up

on a little family business.

Now then, lucky lads, let's catch up

on a little family business.

Yeah. Nothing like a good robbery

to bring a family close.

He's such a f***ing

wisenheimer, your father.

- Does he do the same to you?

- Probably a little less than I do to him.

Let's make a decision.

- Let's.

- Talk.

Are you familiar at all

with DNA research?

Yeah, I read a couple

of magazine articles.

Gene-splicing.

You know, they're breeding chickens...

...that weigh more than you or me.

Try to keep current, huh?

Well, nobody knows

what's gonna happen yet...

...but the possibilities look limitless.

The small companies

who are in it first...

...are hoping to be the IBMs and

the Bell Telephones 20 years from now.

There's a new red-hot,

very secret development.

It's an agricultural plasmid.

Yeasts that are fixing nitrogen.

That means that you could

raise wheat, corn...

...damn near anything to grow

with no fertilizer.

The stakes are enormous.

Farmers spend billions...

F*** the farmers.

Tell him what our end is.

Jimmy Chiu,

an ex-professor of mine...

...he works at a biology lab

out in Nassau County.

He helped found the company.

They screwed him out

of his piece of the action.

- They fired this poor Chink.

- Yeah, I hear him.

He's got some venture capital ready

to set up a new company.

They need the new plasmids.

He gets us in easy.

High stakes. Low risk. Nonviolent.

No worries about our partners

robbing us or ratting us out.

Look, if we get the plasmids

and the logbook...

...Jimmy Chiu pays us

an even million.

You gotta sell a lot of veal cutlets

to match that, Vito.

So this whole score

is like one big fancy burglary.

Yeah.

- Does anyone else know about this?

- No one, just the three of us.

What do you think, Pop?

What do I think?

When you were talking

about yeast-fixing nitrogen...

...the look on your face...

- You're in or you're out, but no lectures.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

You're happy now, huh?

- I'm in.

- Yeah.

- To the Gypsies of the world.

- Not a hypocritical bone in their bodies.

Come on. Let's pay our respects

to the grieving widow...

...before she falls flat

on her face, drunk.

- How you doing, Jess?

- Hi, Phil.

Vito, it's been a long time.

Well, Phil, busy, busy, busy.

It's my crowd.

Listen, these are Yves Saint Laurent.

They're 800 a pop

in the better stores.

Fell off a truck.

I'll let them go for 200 apiece.

Let's see here.

You know, 38's on the left.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're supposed

to be closing in a little bit...

...but I think it would be a crime

to have a 10:
00 last call...

...for Danny Doheny's wake,

so closing time is extended.

Give me that back.

Kevin, Michael...

...the song for Danny.

This your basic

old-fashioned Irish wake?

When it's run right.

Between the keycard

and these cockamamie rent-a-cops...

...getting in will be a cinch.

- Vito, let's get out of here.

- But first we'll go back to the motel.

I wanna take a dry run

as soon as it gets dark.

Being back in action, it agrees with you.

Puts a little bounce in your step.

You're giving me some sound advice

on how to conduct my life?

- That's what fathers are for.

- Right.

The bounce will stay in my step

as long as I get my share.

Did I ever cheat you

out of a nickel?

For starters, start with the $ 10

I never got out of that Lionel train...

Are you still whining

about those f***ing trains?

- I'll buy you a set for Christmas.

- I'll hold my breath.

You can carry a grudge

for 30 years.

That's the Sicilian genes.

Now, I'm pretty sure

that the bar is over there.

It's in the restaurant, of course.

Let's have a drink.

After I shower.

- Honest work makes honest sweat.

- You're a bad influence.

Now, I know this

is gonna sound gross...

Now, I know this

is gonna sound gross...

...but you've gotta accept

the cab fare.

I hear they're very expensive

in the suburbs.

So I figured 150 ought to cover it.

That sounds right for the meter,

but we have to tip the driver too.

Jesus. We can't have

some hard-working refugee...

...from Bangladesh going tipless.

Well...

...will 200 cover it?

We don't live near each other.

Separate cabs, of course.

That was understood from the get go.

- Vito, Margo and Denise.

- How you doing?

It was, "I was champion

baton twirler of 19..."

I always thought that baton twirling

ought to be an Olympic event.

What do you think, Vito?

No, I think the Chinese

would dominate in no time.

Not against your all-American girl

they wouldn't.

- Well, I could be wrong.

- So the game is on?

Yeah, I just have to get rid

of a previous appointment.

Why don't you order us

another round?

Yeah, sure.

- Why don't you do that, Pop?

- Jessie.

What are you doing sitting here

talking to a couple of hookers?

It's a vulgar way to refer to a woman.

I never brought you up to talk like that.

Are you gonna tell me

those are not hookers?

- Well, who are we to judge?

- All right.

I don't wanna put

a crimp in your style...

...but it's been 10 years

since I had to go home and lie...

...so I'm gonna pass. All right?

- Vito.

Can't you ever

just have a good time?

Yeah.

I mean, doesn't this beat

cutting up cows on 14th Street?

Well, you know, we'll see.

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