Family Guy Presents: Something, Something, Something, Dark Side

---

MAN ON TV. We now return

to Aaron Sorkin's new show, The K!tchen.

-Where's the miIk? No miIk?

-We're out. No.

WaIk with me.

I want you to get some miIk.

-Where? Now?

-At the store. Right now.

-Any store? BIoomie's?

-Any store. Is that a joke?

-What do you think?

-I think we need miIk.

I think you're right.

You know, I never

get tired of hearing that.

-ShouId I go get the miIk?

-Go get the miIk.

(ALL GROANlNG)

Looks l!ke the power's out aga!n.

What, are we !n lraq?

Th!s happens ent!rely too often.

Can we tell stor!es t!ll !t comes back on?

Yeah, Dad. Remember the last t!me you

told us the story of Star Wars?

Maybe you could tell us another one.

Well, all r!ght.

Th!s !s the story of BIack Snake Moan.

Once upon a t!me, Chr!st!na R!cc! was

all t!ed up for some reason...

l'm already bored and confused.

Yeah, Dad. lsn't there another story l!ke

Star Wars you could tell us?

There just m!ght be, Chr!s.

There just m!ght be.

(STAR WARS THEMEPLAYlNG)

CHORUS. (SINGING) His boy EIroy

(MlMlCKlNG PROBE DROlD )

Echo 3 to Echo 7.

Han, old buddy, you read me?

Luke, I thought we taIked about

this. I changed my code name.

R!ght. Sorry.

Echo 3 to Carlos Sp!cy W!ener.

CarIos Spicy Wiener here. Go ahead.

There's a meteor!te

that h!t the ground near here.

l'm gonna go check !t out. Won't take long.

Okay, but be carefuI.

There's some snow monsters out there.

Relax, Han, l'll be careful...

(SCREAMlNG)

Cook!e!

Hey, you guys, l hate to do th!s

to you, but l gotta get out of here.

Hey, what's that

on your jacket? ls that the Pur!na logo?

-No, !t's just a patch.

-l l!ke !t.

-Thank you.

-l l!ed. lt's lame.

l won't m!ss you.

Han, wa!t.

l thought you sa!d you were gonna stay.

Sorry, l can't.

But l'll g!ve you my ema!l address.

lt's HanSolo64 @CompuServe.com.

-Comp...

-Yes, CompuServe.

But you can't leave now.

You're a natural leader and we...

Hey. D!d you guys order some !ce?

'Cause l got a bag of !ce here.

Thought you m!ght need some !ce.

Yes, there !s a lot

of !ce around here. We get !t.

We're hav!ng a conversat!on here.

Hey. l thought

you guys m!ght need some !ce.

SOLDlER:
What? Why would l need !ce?

We're surrounded by...

(LAUGHlNG) Oh! What a day br!ghtener.

Han, we need you.

-Oh, really? ''We'' or ''l''?

-What do you mean?

You don't want me to leave

because of the way you feel about me.

l bet you're afra!d l'm gonna

leave w!thout g!v!ng you a goodbye k!ss.

Ugh! l'd rather k!ss George Take!.

Hello.

(CHUCKLlNG)

Man, !t's cold !n here.

Beep-boop-beep. l l!ke all these

electr!cal w!res just na!led to the !ce.

That's probably pretty safe, r!ght?

Capta!n Solo, have you seen Master Luke?

'Cause no one knows where he !s.

What? Well, that doesn't sound good.

All r!ght, l'm gonna go out

and look for h!m. l'll take my Don Don.

Well, l can't go outs!de. lt's cold out there.

You can't go out there

!n th!s weather. Your Don Don w!ll freeze.

Then l'll see you !n hell!

SOLDlER:
Wa!t, Han. You'll need th!s.

-What?

-(SNlCKERlNG) Bag of !ce.

You knucklehead.

Get out of here, but know l love you.

(GRUNTS )

Damn these stubby arms!

Well, th!s !s no better.

(SCREAMlNG)

(GASPS )

Me was go!ng to ask you

to snow monster ball, but now forget !t!

(SOBBlNG)

OBI-WAN. Luke. Luke,

puII your pants down.

Ben?

You Iook awfuI coId.

Why don't I get you

a nice hot bowI of Zima soup?

Ben.

Luke.

You wiII go to the Dagobah system and

Iearn the ways of the Force from Yoda.

Ben.

-Luke!

-Ben!

Hang on, k!d.

Yoda. Dagobah system.

Z!ma soup. Yoda. Dagobah.

Last t!me l was !n a dago bar

l was dr!nk!ng a beer !n L!ttle ltaly.

Go on, get out of here!

Well, l can't stand

th!s cold anymore. l'm gonna d!e.

Oh!

Well, !t's probably for the best.

There are way too many

elderly comed!ans out here !n the snow.

Th!s may smell bad, k!d,

but !t'll keep you warm.

(SlGHS )

l thought they smelled bad

(GASPlNG)

on the outs!de.

Capta!n Solo, do you copy?

Th!s !s Overwe!ght P!lot Number One.

Commander Skywalker, do you copy?

HAN. Who are you Iooking for?

Capta!n Solo, there you are!

I'm sorry, I didn't copy that.

Who are you Iooking for?

Carlos Sp!cy W!ener, do you copy?

CarIos Spicy Wiener here, go ahead.

They found us, k!d.

We're go!ng back to base.

Just as soon as l grab some powder

w!th these sk!!ng young people.

(JUICYFRUIT THEMEPLAYlNG)

MAN. (SINGING) Get your skis shined up

Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit

The taste is gonna move ya

Take a sniff

PuII it out

The taste is gonna move ya

when you pop it in your mouth

Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya

It chews so soft, it gets right to ya

Juicy Fruit

The taste, the taste, the taste

is gonna move ya

How you do!ng, k!d?

You look strong enough

to pull the ears off Jenn!fer Garner.

Thanks to you.

Well, your managed-to-keep-me-around-

a-l!ttle-longerness,

!t looks l!ke you managed

to keep me around a l!ttle longer.

l assure you, l had noth!ng to do w!th !t.

Yeah, r!ght.

l th!nk you just can't stand

to let a fat guy l!ke me out of your s!ght.

Why, you stuck up,

half-w!tted, scruffy-look!ng nerf herder!

You can't use that word!

Only we can use that word!

(GASPS ) The boss !s com!ng. Look busy.

-Lot of Emp!re stuff to do.

-Emp!re stuff.

-Gett!ng Emp!re stuff done.

-Busy w!th Emp!re stuff.

-Yes, th!s !s good Emp!re stuff.

-Th!s Emp!re stuff looks good.

Yes, l th!nk we're done

w!th th!s Emp!re stuff.

Hey, dudes, what you look!ng at?

We th!nk we found someth!ng.

(PROBE DROID CHA TTERING)

That's !t. The Rebels are there.

My lord, there are so many

uncharted settlements.

lt could be a phony! A b!g, fat phony!

What'd them Rebels do anyways?

-You know your fr!end Alan?

-Yeah, l l!ke Alan.

-They took h!s dog.

-(GASPS ) They took Zeus? Oh, no!

-Central Command to Jeffrey.

-Jeffrey here.

-Jeffrey, them Rebels took Zeus.

-That's AIan's dog.

-l know.

-Oh, no!

l know.

Set your course for the Hoth system.

Hey, take care of yourself, Chew!e.

Whoa ! Whoa ! Whoa !

What's th!s handshake bus!ness, huh?

Come here. Come on.

Come on, br!ng !t !n. Come on. Come on.

l'm not really a hug person.

Knock !t off. Come here. Come on, br!ng !t.

Yeah, yeah. Hug !t out, b!tch.

Hug !t out, yeah.

Spray that hug all over me.

What's wrong w!th you?

What? l just wanna share

my throbb!ng emot!ons

and shoot hot hug all over you.

l don't get why that's a problem.

Hey, Luke. Take care of yourself, okay?

You, too.

Hey, what'd you end up do!ng

w!th that dog we k!dnapped?

l k!lled !t and ate !t!

-Yeah! Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Rebels! Rebels!

-Rebels!

-Emp!re sucks!

-Rebels!

-Rebels! Yeah!

-Yeah, Rebels! Yeah.

Lord Vader,

we've entered the Hoth system,

but the Rebels have put up

an energy sh!eld block!ng our entry.

What are we gonna do now, buddy?

Adm!ral Ozzel came out

of l!ght speed too qu!ckly.

(CHUCKLlNG) Yeah. l had that problem

w!th a ch!ck the other n!ght.

Okay, gross. l'm gonna

turn around and take care of th!s other guy.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes