Fast Times at Ridgemont High Page #7

The Rat chuckles to himself, struggling with The

Attitude.

THE RAT:

It's cool. It would take too much

time to go through all that stuff.

I'll just pick up a new one.

Stacy smiles. He's obviously awkward, and she likes

it.

STACY:

What's your other question?

THE RAT:

My other question is... can-I-have

your-phone-number-so-I-can-ask-you

out-sometime?

To The Rat's surprise, Stacy continues smiling.

STACY:

Do you have a pen? This one's out

of ink.

THE RAT:

Oh... yes.

He pulls one out of his jacket pocket, gives it to

her. Stacy writes her name and phone number on a

scrap of paper and gives it to him. The Rat looks

at the paper.

THE RAT (CONT'D)

Stacy. Nice to meet you, Stacy. My

name is Mark Ratner.

He sticks out his hand, and they shake. We see The

Rat turn around and walk out of Swenson's.

EXT. SWENSON'S - AFTERNOON

The Rat exits with ultimate cool. He sees Damone

waiting just off to the side, talking to some

girls. The Rat nods, gives him the thumbs-up.

Damone returns the gesture. All-Attitude.

EXT. CARL'S JR. - MORNING

Carl's is happening tonight. There are lots of kids

inside. We hear charging rock music -- "Girls Got

Rhythm" by AC/DC -- coming from a radio in the back

kitchen.

INT. CARL'S JR. BATHROOM - MORNING

Inside the bathroom, Brad Hamilton applies the

Carl's scrub brush to a felt tip graffiti message

near the mirror:
I EAT BIG HAIRY P*SSY. He pauses

and catches himself in the mirror. He adjusts his

hair.

BRAD:

(talking to mirror)

Lisa? I have something to tell you.

Look, I'm a senior now.

I'm a single, successful guy and

I've got to be fair to myself.

Lisa... I think I need my freedom.

Brad pauses, looks at the mirror soulfully.

BRAD (CONT'D)

Aw, don't do that... don't take it

personally, okay? Please? I knew

you'd understand, because...

The bathroom door opens -- it's Arnold, the boy who

Brad got a job.

ARNOLD:

Brad! I know you're on your break,

but would you cover me on register

three?

Brad nods, exits:

INT. CARL'S JR. COUNTER

Brad stands at the register.

We see a prominent display over Brad's head: TRY

OUR 100% GUARANTEED BREAKFAST. The last of many

harried businessmen customers gets his breakfast

order and takes his seat.

Brad is joined by Dennis Taylor, the Assistant

Manager.

DENNIS:

Come on. Clean that counter off

Brad. Let's go. Play ball.

BRAD:

Okay, Dennis.

Brad begins polishing the counter and Dennis Taylor

returns to his office at the back of the kitchen.

Brad watches him disappear behind the door that

says:
ASSISTANT MANAGER.

As soon as Dennis disappears behind the door, the

one Businessman in the place rises and returns to

the counter.

BRAD (CONT'D)

(nervously)

May I help you?

The Businessman has short, curly brown hair. He

speaks in a whine.

BUSINESSMAN:

Yes. This is not the best breakfast

I ever ate.

The Businessman points to the huge display over

Brad's head:
TRY OUR 100% GUARANTEED BREAKFAST.

BUSINESSMAN (CONT'D)

And I want my money back.

Brad begins searching under the counter.

BRAD:

Well, I believe you have to fill

out a form. There's a pad right

around here.

BUSINESSMAN:

No. I want my money back right now.

BRAD:

Well, that's not the way it works,

really. And you ate most of your

food already, too...

BUSINESSMAN:

See that sign? It says 100% Money

Back Guarantee. Do you know the

meaning of the word 'guarantee'? Do

they teach you that here? Give me

my money back.

Brad begins looking to the restroom. "Where's

Arnold?"

BRAD:

I can't do that. But if you wait a

minute...

BUSINESSMAN:

(as if talking to a

kindergartner)

Look. Just put your little hand

back in the cash register and give

me my $2.75 back. Okay?

(looks at name tag)

Please, Brad?

BRAD:

I'm sorry, sir. Just let me find

the forms here.

BUSINESSMAN:

I am so tired. I am so tired of

dealing with morons. How hard is it

to...

Brad looks up from under the counter. No amount of

pay will make him take that kind of insult.

BRAD:

Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm

gonna kick 100% of your ass.

BUSINESSMAN:

Manager!!

"Bam!" The door to the Assistant Manager's office

swings open, and Dennis comes hurtling out of the

back.

DENNIS:

Can I help you, sir? Is there a

problem?

BUSINESSMAN:

You bet there's a problem! Your

employee used profanity and

threatened me with violence! I'm

shocked, frankly. I've eaten here

many times and I've always enjoyed

the service -- until today!

Angle on bathroom door as it opens and Arnold

starts towards the register. He quickly sees the

incident with the irate Businessman and ducks back

inside the bathroom.

BUSINESSMAN (CONT'D)

All I wanted was my money back for

this breakfast. It was a little

undercooked. And this young man

threatened me. Now I plan to write

a letter! I plan to...

Dennis wheels around to Brad.

DENNIS:

Did you threaten this man or use

profanity in any way?

BRAD:

He insulted me first. He called me

a moron.

DENNIS:

Did you threaten this customer or

use profanity in any way?

BRAD:

Yes, sir.

DENNIS:

You're fired.

Brad looks around, expecting his friends to defend

him. Dave and Rich seem very occupied with their

work. Brad is stunned.

DENNIS (CONT'D)

(to Businessman)

I'm very sorry this happened to

you, sir.

BUSINESSMAN:

Thank you very much.

Then Brad unhooks his fryer's apron and throws it

on the counter. He grabs a backpack and walks out

of the place. On the way, he bangs the bathroom

door with his fist.

BRAD:

I hope you had a hell of a piss,

Arnold.

DISSOLVE:

TO:

INT. BRAD'S ROOM - DAY

He arrives back in his room and locks the door. He

yanks the burger picture off his wall, dumps it

into the trash. Then he takes it back out of the

trash and cracks the cardboard picture and plastic

frame in half.

DARKNESS:

We are in the middle of a deep, dark void. After a

moment, a pinprick of light appears in the

distance. We head towards the light. We are being

led somewhere important.

As we draw still closer, curtains suddenly part to

reveal a wildly cheering studio audience. We hear

the voice of Merv Griffin.

MERV GRIFFIN (O.S.)

Will you please give a warm welcome

to... Jeff Spicoli!

The Merv Griffin Show band begins playing a Merv

Griffin Show version of AC/DC's "Highway to Hell".

Someone hands Jeff Spicoli a microphone. He works

the studio audience into a frenzy as he sings the

words to "Highway to Hell": Merv Griffin show

style.

SPICOLI:

(singing)

'Layin' ladies!

Drinkin' wine!

You gotta dollar --

You're a friend of mine!

Gettin' loose!

Feelin' fine!

You and me -- It's get down time!

We're on the Highway to Hell!

The Highway to Hell!'

Spicoli finishes up with a spectular pump. The

audience goes wild as Merv Griffin greets him

warmly, and guides Spicoli to his seat. Spicoli

motions for the cheers to die down. Griffin is

obviously happy to see him. He touches Spicoli's

arm lightly.

GRIFFIN:

How've you been?

SPICOLI:

Outrageous, Merv. Nice to be here.

I feel great.

GRIFFIN:

I was going to say... your eyes

look a little red.

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