Fat Albert

Hey, hey, hey!

It's Fa-a-a-a-t Albert!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

Doris. Wait up.

Some of the kids are going

for an ice cream before practice.

Want to go?

I, uh, forgot my track shoes.

I have to go back home and get them.

- Oh.

- Hi, Lauri.

Hi, Heather. Hi, Becky.

Hey, Lauri, you know, like,

what I told you about tonight?

Uh, yeah.

- So, you coming?

- Sure.

Great.

Hey, listen.

We're all goin'after school.

You're going to that party with me.

I don't think so.

Look, it's okay.

- No big deal.

- Doris, why are you acting

like such a loser?

You're not a loser.

- What's up, baby?

- Reggie, don't call me baby.

Look, Heather's havin' this party.

How about you and me,

we go together?

- What do you say?

- What do I say?

- Yeah.

- I say no.

See you at practice.

You'll go with me, right? Doris?

I wasn't invited.

Ma.

Ma.

Are you home?

Ma.

Are you ready to lose? Because when

I buck-buck, you better duck-duck.

Are you gonna buck-buck,

or are you just gonna talk-talk?

Buck-buck number six comin'.

Whoo!

Yes! We held.

Now we're the buck-buck

champions of the world.

Wait. We still have

one more guy.

- Bring him out then.

- Come on out, Fa-a-a-a-t Albert.

He loves to hear us call his name.

Hey, hey, hey!

Who wants to play?

- Oh, no.

- Oh, no!

- No, no. Not that--

- No, man. I got a bad back.

Fat Albert, you got a problem to solve.

I just saw Danielle.

She said she was quittin' school

and running away from home.

Looks like Danielle is in trouble.

We have to help her.

- Hey, Danielle.

- What do you want?

- You can't quit school and run away.

- What's it to you?

- Well, I care about you.

- Well, don't.

Every time someone says they care

about me, they wind up leaving me.

But, Danielle,

you can't let fear--

- You hear that?

- Hear what?

- That.

- Hello! We have lines here, people.

That. Don't you hear that?

I have done guests spots

on Bugs Bunny and The Jetsons...

and I have never been treated like this.

I am so out of here.

Oh, my. It's a tear.

Hey, hey, hey!

What is that thing?

- It's a monster!

- And it be-- gonna be come and get--

Mushmouth thinks the monster

will crawl in here and get us.

I am so confused!

It's not a monster.

It's a girl.

And she's cryin'.

I'm going to help her.

Albert, you can't go.

We're cartoons, and this is our show.

- I have no choice.

- You go out there,

you will poke your eye out.

Why do adults always say

you'll poke your eye out?

Huh? No.

- No.

- Hey.

Let go of my legs.

- Go away!

- Let go of my legs. Ow.

Let go of my legs. Quit hittin' on me!

- Go away!

- Ow. Why you doin' me like that?

Give me the pillow and stop

hittin' on me. Let go of my legs.

Let go of my legs.

Let go--

my legs.

Oh. You stay away from me.

I'm gonna call 911 on you.

Oh, this cannot be happenin'.

I'm losing my mind.

Yeah, that's it.

Hey, hey, hey.

How'd I get this way?

I have no idea! You just need to get

back into that television set right now.

Aba-dabba.

Ow. Get off my back.

Hey.

Russell, you stay here.

I'm telling Mom on you.

- Look at you.

- My teeth.

Guys, help.

Get me out of here.

Oh, my.

Look-- Look at us.

- This is nuts. We-- We gotta get back.

- No, no, no.

- That girl has a problem.

- What problem?

Well, you must have a problem.

You were cryin'.

Problem. Right.

Um--

Um, I was cryin'because, uh...

I l-- lost my, um--

my backpack!

- Is that it?

- Oh! You found my backpack!

Oh, you guys helped me find my backpack.

Oh, thank you so much.

Now-- Now you guys can go back into

the TV because you solved my problem.

- Stay tuned for more of Fat Albert--

- Problem solved. Let's go home.

- Okay.

- You're watching TV Land.

- Mushmouth, you go first.

- Noba-- Wubba-- Wubba me?

One.

Again.

They're not lettin' him back in.

My ba-- hebba hurt. My-- My--

Mushmouth says his head hurts.

Okay.

As soon as the commercial

is over and your show is on...

you guys can go back

i-in there, right?

- I hope so.

- Okay.

Um, I'll go get some drinks.

You guys stay put.

Okay, Daddy and I are

gonna have to have a long talk.

I don't know how, but I'm gonna

tell him that we need a gate.

Some kind of guard or a screen to put over

the TV set so-- so nobody can get out. Okay.

Don't you guys make noise

when you enter a room?

Well, I never thought about it.

We-- We just enter.

Okay. Here are your drinks.

Do you have a-- a can opener?

The can opener's on the can.

Stop! Stop!

- Hello? What are you doing?

- Singin'.

I know you're singing,

but aren't you gonna drink?

Not unless somebody writes

that we're thirsty.

Okay. Forget the drinks.

The commercial's almost over,

and you've gotta get back.

Stay tuned to TV Land

for more of your classic TV favorites.

There's no place like TV Land.

Where's our show?

It's over.

Your show is over.

- Pardon me, miss.

- My name is Doris.

- Doris.

- Oh, that's a nice name.

- Doris.

- I know a dog named Doris.

So, Doris, when is

our show on again?

2:
30.

Tomorrow.

- What do we do now?

- I don't know.

I know you don't know.

I wasn't talking to you.

- I wasn't talking to you.

- Then who were you talking to?

- I thought I was talking to her.

- Guys, guys!

I say we wait with Doris till 2:30

tomorrow when our show is on again.

I don't think we should be outside.

We don't belong here.

I don't know about that.

This neighborhood looks kind of familiar.

- Ooh! Cody, can I ask you a question?

- Sure.

- Do you see anyone?

- I see you.

Anyone else?

I see a bunch of

bizarre-looking freaks.

- Thanks.

- No problem, Doris. See you around.

Okay. Other people

can see you too. That's good.

I think.

Okay, bye!

She doesn't mean

anything to me.

You're the only woman

who means anything to me.

You're the only woman

that matters.

Hold on a second, Ma.

Can I help you guys?

Uh, what are you talking into?

- A phone.

- It-- It doesn't have any wires.

You guys yankin' my chain?

- I didn't even know you had a chain.

- Me too. Yeah.

- Hey,Jer.

- Hi, Doris.

Do you know these guys?

Yeah. I met them today.

Okay. Enjoy them.

Hey, Ma.

No, a bunch of wackos.

- Yeah.

- Look...

maybe it's not such a good idea

for you guys to hang with me.

So I'll see you tomorrow, 2:30.

Where will we go?

What will we do?

Why don't you

bu-bu-bu-- bike us?

Mushmouth wants to know

why you don't like us.

All right, all right.

You can come with me.

Look, just don't tell anyone

who you guys are.

Everybody already thinks

I'm weird.

- I know what you mean.

- Well, at least you have friends.

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