Fat Albert Page #6

don't want something?

Oh, they don't eat.

I mean, they don't eat much.

Albert sure looks like he eats.

So, um, are you ready

for the track meet tomorrow?

Do you think they're sick?

They look kind of washed out to me.

No. No, that's just too much

bleach in their clothes.

Hey, Albert, if you like Lauri,

you gotta take her on a roller coaster.

That's the best thing to take a girl on,

because while the ride is goin' on...

they get so scared,

they want you to hold 'em.

And then when the roller coaster

goes around the corner...

they fall up against you

and everything.

Okay, watch me.

Okay, say you're a girl

and you're on a roller coaster.

I'm not sayin' I'm a girl

on a roller coaster.

What's wrong with you, man? Why don't you say

you're a girl on a roller coaster by yourself?

I'm just tryin'

to show Albert something.

- Where'd Albert go?

- Oh, he-- he's with the girls.

Lauri, you wanna go

on the roller coaster?

Sure.

Go, Albert.

- Can I ask you a question?

- Sure.

If I didn't have to go back--

I mean, if I was

a real person, would you--

Would I what?

Would you go out with me?

- You mean like on a date?

- Yeah.

But we are on a date.

That's right. Cool.

You were so scared.

- I wasn't scared. I just looked scared...

- Mm-hmm.

'cause my cheeks were

wrapped around my ears...

and my eyelids went up

over my head and everything.

- Wanna go again?

- Um, y-you go ahead.

Be right back.

- You're Fat Albert!

- Hey, hey, hey.

What are you doin' here?

You're supposed to be on TV.

These bad kids

keep chasing Russell.

He needs you.

We all need you.

What will Mr. Cosby think

if you don't go back?

- Come on, Emmitt. We gotta go.

- Dad, it's Fat Albert!

Uh, come on, son.

Mom's waiting.

But, Dad, it's really Fat Albert.

I know. I know.

Who's Fat Albert?

I think this is the real thing.

He's charming, bright,

a gentleman.

And he's the first guy

I've met in a long time...

I feel I can trust.

The kind of guy that

will always be here for me.

Get one ring

on the bottle, and you win a prize!

Nobody's a loser.

Everybody's a winner.

People wait till you get to the top

of the stairs, then they knock.

- Who is it!

- It's Fat Albert.

Yeah, right.

Hello. I'm looking for Mr. Cosby.

Are you his dad?

I'm- I'm Fat Albert.

Whoa! Uh-- Help! He--

I'm sorry, Mr. Cosby.

I didn't mean to startle you.

- You okay? - No, that's all right, son.

Thank you. My boy...

how did you get

into this predicament?

Well, I-I-I crawled out of the TV set.

Crawled out of the TV set.

Uh, well, how?

I-I crawled out of there

because I heard her crying.

- Who-- Who'd ya heard?

- I heard Doris.

- Doris. - She was sitting on the

couch, and she was crying.

- Doris who?

- Doris Robertson.

Doris Robertson?

- Yeah.

- Do you know where they live?

Uh, North Philly.

Albert Robertson...

is Doris Robertson's grandfather.

He died some time ago.

I designed your character

after Albert Robertson.

And you heard her spirit...

and you crawled through the set?

- I-- I guess so.

- Well, that's just fine, son!

All you have to do is you

just crawl back into the set.

- I don't want to go back into the set.

- We're ready to go.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Yeah, hey, hey, hey. I want to stay!

Oh, ho, ho. No, you can't do that.

See, you're a cartoon.

You're a cartoon, and you have your fellas

waiting for you to do more stories.

Your fans are waiting to see you

on TV so you can solve problems.

Oh, no, I don't want

to go back into the TV.

What do you mean,

you don't want to go back?

- No, I want to stay here in the real world.

- You can't--

You can't stay out here.

You stay out here...

you're gonna turn

into celluloid dust.

- Lauri.

- Albert?

What are you doing here?

Uh, I need to talk to you.

I'll meet you downstairs.

Oh, Lord.

- Oh, my.

- Lauri--

Albert?

Are you okay?

Hey, hey, hey.

Fallin' is easy.

It's gettin' up

that's the hard part.

- Now just roll me over. No. Don't take me.

- Okay.

Grab onto my-- Oh!

You're tickling me.

So, what's this about?

Uh, well, I came here

to tell you...

that I can no longer

be your B.F.F.

- I can only be your B.F.U.T.

- B.F.U.T.?

Yeah, "best friend until tomorrow".

- What are you talking about?

- All right, I don't just look like Fat Albert.

- I am Fat Albert.

- So?

- I'm really the guy in the cartoon.

- Cartoon?

The Fat Albert show.

You know, "hey, hey, hey".

It's a cartoon.

See, when I told you

I would stay forever...

I didn't know that I was fading.

Now I'm this fading

cartoon character...

and if I don't go back into the TV...

I'm gonna turn into a big pile

of powdered celluloid.

You know, it's almost funny.

Every time someone says

they care about me...

- they wind up leaving me.

- No, no, Lauri.

Wait. No, Lauri. Lauri!

You-- You can't let fear keep you

from caring about someone.

- Albert.

- Yes?

Get some help.

Wa-- Lauri, wai--

How could you possibly believe

that Albert's a cartoon character?

It's all true, Lauri.

Doris, no one came out

of our TV set.

Those guys, Albert's friends...

they're very strange.

I think they could be

some kind of cult.

- Someday you'll understand.

- What I understand...

is that we have a track meet

tomorrow, so let's go to sleep.

Go, A.H.S., yeah!

Runners, take your marks!

Set!

- Nice race.

- Thanks.

Come on, guys. Hurry up!

Come on, guys. Hurry up!

The bad guys are comin' back

for a buck-buck buck-off.

I'm coming, Bucky.

When I get back, I'll show

everybody how well I can speak.

And then they won't

laugh at me anymore.

Hey, Fat Albee!

I mean, Fat-a-boo!

Aw, frit!

Well, Doris, if I ever come

back out of that TV again...

I'll be calling you.

I'll be waiting.

Okay, Bill, you're next.

Arthur, learn the handshake.

- Why don't you go first?

- I just need a moment alone with Doris.

See you in the junkyard.

Hey, Russell, you know what?

I'm actually happy to see you.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still

telling Mom on you.

Well, uh, I guess I have to

go back to the way I was.

But if I could stay,

I would be so happy...

to be the best that

I was capable of being.

It's funny.

It seems like I know you--

have known you...

for a long time.

Maybe you have.

Maybe you have.

All right. Come on now.

We gotta get you back to the track.

You got a relay race to run.

Go for it.

Come on, Fat Albert!

We need you!

No, not yet.

I finally understand

why I had to come out here.

Don't. You won't be back in time.

You cannot last another day.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes