Fatal Instinct Page #13

LAURA (V.O.)

If I told him how I really feel,

he'd probably fire me. What am I

saying? He probably doesn't even

know I exist.

NED (V.O.)

Laura's incredible. And so smart.

Smart enough to recognize that Ginzu

knives are the gift of a lifetime.

(then, concerned)

But she never goes out with guys. I

wonder why?

LAURA (V.O.)

I guess I'll just have to wait. But

he's married. I could wait forever.

Than again... maybe Lana will get

hit by a runaway truck. There's always

a chance that...

NED (V.O.)

(interrupting)

But who cares if she... Oh, sorry.

LAURA (V.O.)

That's alright. I was just rambling.

NED (V.O.)

Go ahead...

LAURA (V.O.)

No, no, really... you first...

NED (V.O.)

I insist... please...

LAURA:

Oh, uh... I just wanted to remind

you about...

NED:

...the Legal Symposium...

LAURA:

...in Santa Barbara...

NED:

...tomorrow...

NED & LAURA

(in unison)

..."How To Sue Your Loved Ones."

NED:

Yeah. I'm driving up in the morning.

ANGLE - MAX SHADY

sits at a corner table wearing a chic beret from the hat

store, voraciously devouring a huge Hawaiian Pit Roasted

Pig. He wrenches the apple from the Pig's mouth... takes a

huge bite!

BACK TO NED AND LAURA

A saxophone begins to wail "Lola's Theme." Ned looks up, his

eyes drawn to the lounge. He sees...

Lola... striking a sexy pose on a bar stool, eyes locked on

Ned. Dizzy walks thru, behind the bar, playing his sax.

She grabs a handful of cherries from a glass on the bar,

shoves them in her mouth, cheeks bulging, tongue moving

furiously. A moment later, she pulls out a long chain of

inter-locked cherry stems.

Ned reacts, shaken, glancing nervously at Laura. She smiles,

unaware. His eyes flash back to Lola.

LAURA (V.O.)

He's so cute. He can't even look me

in the eye.

Ned's reacts intensely to...

LOLA - NED'S POV

She stretches out sensuously on the bar, executing a series

of humanly impossible erotic gymnastic positions! Then,

wrapping her legs around a brass pole, she spins no-handed...

until her thighs begin to SMOKE!

REVERSE ANGLE - ON ENTIRE ROOM

The eyes of every MALE in the restaurant are riveted on Lola!

CLOSER ON NED AND LAURA

The table starts to rise slowly on Ned's side, glasses sliding

toward Laura. She reaches out to stop them... noticing Ned's

distracted expression.

LAURA:

(touching his arm)

What is it, Ned? You can tell me.

NED:

(sighs, reluctant)

I'm a man, Laura. And all men feel

passion at one time or another. Even

me.

LAURA:

(hopeful)

Really?

NED:

What would you think of a married

man who gave in to those wild,

sensual, raging desires?

LAURA:

Oh... wow... golly...

She gulps, eyes wide. The DRUMS pound faster as the Dancers

in the b.g. pick up the frenetic tempo!

NED:

What if, for just one crazy moment,

he couldn't resist...? He got knocked

for a loop and lost control?

LAURA:

(smiles, eager)

Gosh... that might be okay.

Breathless, she breaks a sweat, gasping for air. The DRUMS

beat LOUDER, FASTER. The b.g. Dancers whip into a frenzy!

NED:

What if a tidal wave of lust crashed

over him and he was sucked into a

vortex of wild, thrashing urges?

Both of Laura's ballcap beer cans EXPLODE! Beer SPRAYS out

in a huge gush, drenching her! Ned is so preoccupied with

his own dilemma, he doesn't even notice. He heaves a sigh...

pats her hand... smiles philosophically.

NED:

Well... it's not your problem. I'll

work it out.

ANGLE - AN ICE PICK

grasped tightly in Lola's hand. She walks toward Ned and

Laura, a seething rage in her eyes.

As she passes the ice sculpture, she stabs the ice pick into

the crystalline Hula Dancer's neck! The head breaks off. She

catches it and keeps coming, tossing the head casually in

one hand, like a basketball.

Lola appears suddenly at Ned and Laura's table. They look

up.

LOLA:

(to Laura)

Like some ice for your drink?

She drops the ice Mermaid head. It shatters Laura's glass to

bits! Lola turns to Ned with a cold glare.

LOLA:

Does your wife know you're...

"working" late? I certainly hope so,

Mr. Ravine.

She lights her cigarette with the ice pick lighter, then

flips it like a jackknife. It STICKS into Ned's chair, right

between his legs.

Lola flashes a coldly arrogant smile at Laura... then exits.

EXT. NED'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - MORNING

Frank opens the hood to Ned's car, holding a screwdriver in

one hand... a wrench in the other. He doesn't know where to

start.

CLOSE ANGLE - MAX SHADY'S FEET - MORNING

A NEWSBOY tosses a folded newspaper. It lands at Max Shady's

feet. Max picks up the paper, opens it. The headline says:

SHADY READS NEWSPAPER IN FRONT OF RAVINE RESIDENCE! Max looks

around self-consciously, eyes shifting uneasily.

INT. NED'S HOUSE - MORNING

Lana stands by the front door. She calls upstairs to Ned.

LANA:

Hurry up, darling. You'll be late!

Frank slips in, wearing his greasy overalls. He wipes his

hands on a rag... giving Lana a sly wink.

FRANK:

(whispering)

It's all taken care of. When do I

knock on the door?

LANA:

Wait until I signal you. When I raise

the blinds... you knock.

She steps over to the blinds and demonstrates. He knocks.

LANA:

Not now!

FRANK:

Oh, later... right... okay.

She nods, patronizing. Frank exits. Lana picks up the Skunk,

cuddling him. Ned comes down wearing his trademark gray suit.

Lana kisses him passionately... a final farewell.

LANA:

Drive carefully, sweetheart. Say bye-

bye to Little Ned. He loves his

daddy... don't you Stink Pot?

NED:

(pets the skunk)

See you tonight, Junior.

As soon as Ned closes the door, Lana's smile vanishes and

she casually tosses the Skunk aside with a LOUD CRASH O.C.

EXT. NED'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - MORNING

Ned turns the car key. Nothing. He gets out, opens the hood.

He stares... dumbfounded.

INT. THE HOUSE - MORNING

Ned comes in, visibly upset. Lana acts surprised.

LANA:

What's wrong?

NED:

This neighborhood is getting worse

all the time! Damn kids stole my

engine!

LANA:

Why don't you catch the train to

Santa Barbara? It leaves in twenty

minutes.

NED:

I'll just fly up.

LANA:

No!

Ned looks at her strangely. She catches herself.

LANA:

I mean... you can't. Armed terrorists

seized the airport this morning. A

plane crashed into the tower... and

all the runways are on fire!

NED:

Yeah. So?

LANA:

And it's fogged in.

NED:

(disappointed)

Dammit.

LANA:

For my peace of mind... take the

train.

Lana goes to the window, starts to raise the blinds.

NED:

I can't do it. You know how I feel

about riding trains.

She stops... letting the blinds drop down.

LANA:

Darling... it's only a short trip.

NED:

(reconsiders)

Yeah... right. A short trip.

She starts to raise the blinds again. He picks up the phone.

NED:

(he hesitates)

A short trip to hell in a metal tomb!

He slams the receiver down. Lana drops the blinds again...

LANA:

Just because both your parents died

in a train wreck...

NED:

And my brother, Jeff...

LANA:

And your brother, Morty...

NED:

My two sisters...

LANA:

Right...

NED:

My best friend, Al... my dog, Woof...

Grandma Rose... and Uncle Lionel.

All killed by trains!

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