Fatal Instinct Page #18

NED:

And is this the blender you found in

the lavatory of the train?

CONDUCTOR:

Yes... it is.

NED:

I'd like this marked as evidence.

The Bailiff reaches out, Ned waves him off... instead, tossing

the blender over several heads to the Court Clerk... who

runs to catch it, CRASHING into the wall. The blender falls,

SHATTERS.

ANGLE - BROADCAST BOOTH

SPORTSCASTER:

Awwwww ... a bad call by Ravine. Let's

check out the re-play.

On the RE-PLAY SCREEN we see the action repeated in SLOW

MOTION as the Sportscaster draws lines, circles, x's and

squiggles.

SPORTSCASTER:

Look at THAT! The Bailiff is wide

open! But instead of handing it off,

Ravine goes for the long bomb. Ohhhh!

The pass is wide! A real wobbler!

There's no way! He scrambles, but he

just can't get his hands on it...

And RIGHT THERE!...

(freezes the frame)

...WHAM! That blender is gone!

INT. COURTROOM - LATER

At the defense table, Laura glances over at Lana, who is

casually browsing through a copy of GALS & GUNS magazine.

Laura reacts, then, trying to be as diplomatic as possible...

LAURA:

Ned... did you ever consider that

maybe you don't know women as well

as you think you do?

PROSECUTOR (O.S.)

Now would you tell the court, in

your own words, what you said to Mr.

Ravine?

They both look toward the witness stand. Ned is shaken.

NED:

(whispers)

I'm really worried about this guy.

He could blow our whole case right

out of the water.

ANGLE - WITNESS STAND - MOMENTS LATER

Jeff, the little boy from the train is on the witness stand.

The Prosecutor stands by, listening as...

JEFF:

(singing)

Great green gobs of greasy grimy

gopher guts... mutilated monkey

meat... itsy-bitsy birdie feet...

Great green gobs of greasy grimy

gopher guts... and me without a spoon!

The JURORS turn pale and reach for the air sickness bags in

front of them. The Courtroom erupts. The Judge pounds his

gavel LOUDLY.

JEFF:

(pointing at Lana)

That lady paid me two bucks to sing

it to him...!

But NO ONE hears this in all the confusion. The Judge, also

looking ill now, bangs his gavel again.

JUDGE SKANKY:

Recess! Ten minutes!

EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY

The Judge, Jury, Attorneys and Spectators are all playing on

the swings, teeter-totters, monkey bars... having a blast!

Ned and the Prosecutor play "dodge-ball." Laura cheers Ned

on. The Prosecutor rockets the ball at Ned... and just misses!

PROSECUTOR:

Gotcha, dork face! Gotcha, gotcha!

LAURA:

No you didn't!

NED:

No way! Uh-uh! Missed by a mile!

The BAILIFF steps into CLOSE UP, blowing a whistle loudly!

BAILIFF:

Recess is over! Let's go... move it,

move it, move it!

INT. BROADCAST BOOTH - LATER

Marching band MUSIC fades off-screen.

SPORTSCASTER:

There they go... the UCLA Marching

Band! And now... Holy Toledo!... it

looks like the victim's mother...

Helen Shady... is gonna take the

stand! This will be the first

defensive play of the afternoon.

INT. COURTROOM - SAME TIME

Mrs. Shady is on the stand. Ned paces.

NED:

Mrs. Shady... would you tell us about

your son, Max. Was he a... a good

boy?

MRS. SHADY

He was the best. And that's not just

a mother talking. You can ask anybody.

NED:

But he got into trouble once in

awhile... like all kids do?

MRS. SHADY

Well, you know, pranks. Little jokes

and things. But he was so cute. I

have pictures!

She reaches down into her huge purse, pulling out a photo

album. She opens it, showing Ned.

MRS. SHADY

Here. This is when he set the cat on

fire...

(then, assuring him)

Oh... but the cat deserved it.

NED:

(looks, points)

And what, uh... what are these...?

MRS. SHADY

Marshmallows. He just loved to toast

marshmallows over a roaring cat.

Burned on the outside... all soft in

the middle.

(turns page)

And right here... this was taken on

the day he left the priesthood to

join the Green Berets.

ANGLE - THE JURY

They rise slowly out of their seats, craning their necks,

trying to see the photos.

BACK TO SCENE:

Ned is now seated next to Mrs. Shady in the witness box,

looking at the photo album with her. Judge Skanky peers over

the side of the bench.

NED:

This is cute.

MRS. SHADY

(laughs, delighted)

Oh yes! That was during his Ku Klux

Klan phase. He would take the sheets

right off my bed... cut those little

holes in them. What a stitch he was!

ANGLE - THE SPECTATORS

are now on their feet, all straining to catch a glimpse of

the photos in the album.

BACK TO SCENE:

NED:

And is this Max... with all the

tools... fixing his bike?

She snatches the photo out of the album.

MRS. SHADY

Why that shouldn't even be in there!

It's his rotten little half-brother.

(rips up photo)

Stinkin' little pecker... he never

was any good...

ANGLE - BROADCAST BOOTH

The Sportscaster is pushing his face against the broadcast

booth glass, trying to see what everyone's looking at.

BACK TO SCENE:

MRS. SHADY

(points at another)

Oh! I didn't like these neo-Nazi

boys. They were all so fussy and

persnickety about everything. Heil

this and heil that.

(flips the page)

Oh look... here's Max with his

chainsaw. He loved to go to the

national park and cut down those

giant old trees. It made him feel so

patriotic. You know, if he hadn't

been such a successful criminal... I

think he would have been a lumberjack.

The Court Clerk, Bailiff and Court Recorder have all moved

around behind the witness stand, peering over Mrs. Shady's

shoulder at the photos.

MRS. SHADY

(tearful, angry)

But now he'll never be anything! Not

since...

(stands up, points)

...that woman, your wife, pulled the

trigger and put my little Max in his

grave!

JUDGE SKANKY:

Mrs. Shady! Do not POINT your finger

in my courtroom. It's discourteous,

impolite and disrespectful.

MRS. SHADY

Don't you tell me what to do with my

finger! It's been more places than

you've ever dreamed of!

JUDGE SKANKY:

(bangs gavel)

Sit down!

MRS. SHADY

I'll point my finger wherever I want!

Mrs. Shady goes berserk... leaping from the witness stand,

pointing several different fingers at Judge Skanky.

The Bailiff attempts to restrain her, but she breaks free...

scurrying around the courtroom, pointing fingers at everyone!

CHAOS prevails!

INT. COURTROOM - LATER

The Irritable Man from the train is on the stand... Max's

huge cigar stuck in his ear! The hair around his ear is

scorched.

NED:

Did you encounter the victim... Max

Shady... on board the train?

IRRITABLE MAN:

Yeah. And I told him... "this is the

NO SMOKING car! Would you please put

out your damn cigar!"

NED:

And is that the cigar in your ear?

The Man strains to see the cigar out of the corner of his

eye. Impatient, Ned finally holds up a small pocket mirror.

IRRITABLE MAN:

I believe it is.

NED:

I'd like the cigar and the head of

this witness entered into evidence.

The Bailiff picks up the Irritable Man and dumps him on the

evidence table, where he is tagged by the Court Clerk.

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