Fatal Instinct Page #21

NED:

What're you talking about? You two

don't look anything alike.

LOLA:

Not anymore. One day I caught her

stealing my lavender eye shadow and

she smashed my face in with a shovel.

I had fifty-three operations. When

the doctors were finished with me...

I looked like THIS! I'm ugly. UGLY!

NED:

You're beautiful.

LOLA:

Don't lie to me.

NED:

They did a terrific job!

LOLA:

I look in the mirror. I can SEE!

NED:

But... you're gorgeous!

LOLA:

Tell that to Dwayne. When he saw my

face, he left me for HER... because

she looked more like me than I did!

First she stole my looks... then she

stole the only man who ever loved

me!

She comes toward him... feeling in control once more.

LOLA:

But I found a way to get even. The

best revenge possible. Destroy her

marriage!

NED:

That's why you did all this? Seduced

me... harrassed me... the tape...

the flowers... the phone calls...

LOLA:

You been hangin' out with Dick Tracy,

haven't ya?

NED:

It won't work. Lana loves me.

LOLA:

It doesn't matter. I'm blackmailing

her for everything she's worth. She

murdered that greasy auto mechanic.

I saw her do it.

NED:

(stunned)

Lana killed Frank Kelbo?

LOLA:

(also stunned)

Kelbo! His name was Kelbo?

NED:

Yeah. Why? Did he burn you on car

repairs too?

LOLA:

Dwayne's name was Kelbo. He had a

son. Frankie Kelbo.

INT. NED'S CAR - NIGHT

Ned wanders to his car, climbs in, sits there... stunned.

NED (V.O.)

The pieces of the puzzle were falling

into place and I didn't like the

picture they were making. If Lana

really killed Frank Kelbo, then I

had misjudged her by a mile. Sure...

he was a lousy mechanic. But murder?

Ned rubs his temples, shuts his eyes.

NED (V.O.)

It was all starting to give me a

headache bigger than the national

deficit.

INT. LOLA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" plays on the stereo. Lola sits on the

floor by an end table, eyes dazed, staring blankly. A lamp

with a "clapper" switch sits on the table.

As the CAMERA MOVES IN SLOWLY to her, she absently "claps"

the light off... then on... then off... then on... then off...

INT. NED'S HOUSE - NIGHT

CLOSE ON female hands using a keyhole saw to cut through a

railing on the second floor landing above the foyer.

Outside... the SOUND of a car... headlights! The sawing stops.

EXT. NED'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ned pulls up. The house is dark and ominous. So is the MUSIC.

INT. NED'S HOUSE - NIGHT

The front door is open a crack. He cautiously pushes it and

the door CR-E-A-K-S open very slowly. The door STOPS, but

the LOUD CREAKING continues. Ned touches it lightly with the

tip of his finger. The CREAKING STOPS.

NED:

Lana?

Ned moves up the stairs. The CAMERA BOOMS UP with him, HOLDING

ON an ECU of the partially severed railing.

INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

Ned enters. Hot water gushes from the faucet into a clawfoot

bathtub. He turns the water off, looking around, puzzled.

Loosens his tie, rubs his head. A splitting headache. Opens

the medicine cabinet and... SCREECH! YEOW! CRASH! A CAT leaps

out!... darts away. There's a NOISE from downstairs.

INT. THE KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Someone is POUNDING on the door. Ned enters and opens it.

It's Laura.

LAURA:

Ned! I'm glad you're here. I have so

much to tell you.

NED:

Come on in. I'll make some tea. Grab

a chair.

LAURA:

Thanks... I brought my own.

She drags a chair in behind her, sits at the kitchen table.

Ned puts a kettle on the burner, turns it on. He starts

searching through the cupboard for teabags.

NED:

So... what have you got?

LAURA:

A lottery ticket and a laundry

receipt.

(lays them on table)

I found them in the pocket of that

suit you wore the night you were

working under cover with a client.

Ned freezes, staring out the window, unable to face her.

LAURA:

You remember that night, don't ya

Ned? Then it hit me. Lottery starts

with L-O. Laundry starts with L-A. L-

O... L-A. Lola.

Ned turns to her when he hears Lola's name... looking baffled

by this convoluted piece of logic.

LAURA:

(shrugs it off)

Don't sweat it. It's the way a woman's

mind works.

He turns back to the cupboard, picking up a container.

NED:

How about Ovaltine?

LAURA:

Fine. Then I remembered you told me

some guy named Frank had been working

on your wife's car for two months.

You with me so far?

NED:

I'm way ahead of you.

He brings the Ovaltine container to the table.

LAURA:

Well back it up. You probably took a

wrong turn. Remember your insurance

policy... the one we couldn't find?

I started thinking, who else had

access to it beside you and me? The

answer came up... Lana. And since

she's a woman, it's probably hidden

right here.

A huge ceramic cookie jar sits on the table in front of them.

Laura SMASHES it with her fist, breaking it open! Cookies

spill out... and the insurance policy.

NED:

So that's where she hid the Oreos.

He sits down... starts eating Oreos... twisting them apart.

LAURA:

Ned, Lana wasn't trying to save your

life when she shot Max Shady. She

and Frank were plotting to kill you

and collect on your insurance policy.

But she shot the wrong guy.

NED:

That's the craziest thing I ever

heard.

LAURA:

(she presses on)

Don't you see... Frank was going to

let her take the fall. So she murdered

him and tried to make it look like

suicide.

(beat)

That's when I realized there was a

connection between Lola and Lana...

NED:

Yeah... they're sisters. Twin sisters.

LAURA:

Well, hang on to your jock strap,

Ned. There's more.

She unrolls a complex genealogical chart... walks him thru

it.

LAURA:

Not only is Frank's father Dwayne

Kelbo, notoriously amorous gym teacher

and Lola Cain's former lover...

Frank's mother is Helen Shady. Max

and Frank are half-brothers who never

met.

Laura pauses dramatically, then announces.

LAURA:

Your lovely wife, Lana, murdered

both of Helen Shady's sons.

NED:

This is so unbelievable.

LAURA:

And you haven't even heard my story.

INT. HOUSE - UPSTAIRS LANDING - NIGHT

The keyhole saw cuts through the railing. The CAMERA REVEALS

Lana, eyes filled with Machiavellian rage.

She enters the bathroom, lays the saw blade down. Suddenly...

a PAIR OF HANDS plunge into frame, grabbing her by the throat!

We GO WITH HER as she is pushed back into the tub, the hands

forcing her head under water. Lana grabs a diving mask, clamps

it over her face. One of the attacking hands rips it away!

Lana grabs a snorkel, sticking it in her mouth. The hand

pulls it from her, tossing it aside.

The hand shoves a little RUBBER DUCKIE into Lana's mouth!

Lana struggles, finally going limp. Her open eyes stare up

from beneath the water. The last few bubbles rise to the

surface.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

LAURA:

He turned into a monster. And that's

when I left him. I just couldn't...

The tea kettle WHISTLES! Laura pulls it off the burner. The

whistling subsides... replaced by the distant SOUND of water

running upstairs. Ned c*cks his head, listening.

NED:

That damn faucet keeps turning on

all by itself. I'll go check it.

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