Fatal Instinct Page #22

LAURA:

Okay. I'll make the Ovaltine.

Ned exits. Laura opens the Ovaltine container. It's empty. A

DARK SHADOW moves past the window behind Laura. Suspense

MUSIC. Laura opens the cupboard. PIGEONS explode out, wings

beating furiously! She catches her breath, looks in the

cupboard. The cans and boxes are covered with pigeon sh*t.

She shoves them aside, looking for the Ovaltine.

INT. FOYER - SAME TIME

Ned looks up toward the light from the bathroom. Water seeps

over the edge of the landing and down the steps. As he moves

up the steps, the SOUND of MUSIC... the familiar strains of

"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"... grows louder and LOUDER.

INT. BATHROOM - SAME TIME

It's filled with steam. He waves the steam away... STARTLED

to see Lana's lifeless body beneath the water, the rubber

duckie jammed into her mouth. The tub overflows on the floor.

He turns the faucet off. The water stops... and so does the

MUSIC. Puzzled, he turns the faucet on. The MUSIC STARTS.

Turns it off. The MUSIC STOPS.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

As Laura turns away to enter the pantry... her Husband's

twisted face suddenly appears in the kitchen window!

INT. BEDROOM - SAME TIME

Ned enters. The MUSIC is coming from the closet. Ned yanks

the door open! A flock of PIGEONS bursts out!... revealing a

GUEST MUSICIAN playing an instrument.

GUEST MUSICIAN:

I'm sittin' in for Dizzy. He had a

gig tonight.

Ned shuts the door, eyes shifting. Lola must be near.

INT. PANTRY OFF KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Laura searches the large walk-in pantry for tea bags. She

hears a LOUD CRASH of BREAKING GLASS in the kitchen... stops

and listens... then casually shrugs it off.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Laura's Husband stands in the kitchen. The back door is

open... the window shattered. He SEES... the kitchen towels

hanging sloppily on the rack! The disorganized clutter of

cans and boxes in the cupboard! WE PUSH IN to his wildly

insane eyes!

INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING - SAME TIME

As Ned enters the upstairs landing, we hear VOICES in his

mind.

NED:

(ECHOING V.O.)

Women are an open book. You can always

tell the rotten apples from the

peaches. I'd stake my career on it...

stake my career on it... stake my

career on it...

The repetitive ECHO gets to him. He smacks his head with the

palm of his hand. The skipping stops... followed by...

NED:

(ECHOING V.O.)

...If anyone ever proves me wrong,

I'll throw away my badge.

IN THE DARKNESS:

A woman's HAND unrolls a leather kit... the "U-Pick an Ice

Pick Porta-Pik-Pak!"... with seven ice picks in separate

slots, each labeled with a day of the week.

The hand selects "Wednesday's" ice pick, pulls it out. Then...

BONG... BONG... BONG... BONG...!

CANTED ANGLE ON - A GRANDFATHER CLOCK

It CHIMES loudly. It's twelve midnight!

THE HAND:

returns the ice pick to its slot, selects the one for

Thursday.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Laura comes out of the pantry. She stops... gasps! Everything

in the cupboard is neatly stacked! All the towels are

straight!

She whirls around... coming face to face with her Husband!

He smiles demonically, holding up the Ninja Turtle float

ring.

LAURA'S HUSBAND

Forget something, sweetheart?

INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING - SAME TIME

Ned nears the bathroom door and suddenly... A PIERCING SCREAM!

Lola charges, an ice pick raised over her head! She knocks

him backward, into the bathroom, slashing at him. But he

deflects the attack, grabbing at her arms.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Laura backs away from her Husband. He holds her wedding ring.

LAURA'S HUSBAND

You forgot to flush, darling.

INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING - SAME TIME

As Ned and Lola continue their violent struggle... Lola grabs

toiletries to aid in her attack. She squirts Ned with SHAVING

CREAM... squeezes TOOTHPASTE in his hair... and throws BATH

POWDER in his face!

Ned is blinded. Gaining the advantage, Lola shoves him back,

slamming his head into the wall. He's dazed, helpless.

Lola raises the ice pick, moving forward to strike! But Ned

grabs a HAIR BLOWER and swings it around, pointing it at her

like a gun! She freezes... then smiles contemptuously.

LOLA:

What're you gonna do, Ned? Blow me

away?

She LAUGHS arrogantly. Ned clicks on the hair blower to HIGH,

a blast of HOT AIR hitting Lola's face, puffing her cheeks

out, pushing her back, hair flying wildly!

Her backside hits the railing where Lana has cut it... the

wood splintering!

Lola tumbles over backward, SCREAMING! She hangs suspended

in mid-air for a moment, like a cartoon character, arms

flailing. Then... WHOOM!... she FALLS to the marble floor

below, hitting with a LOUD THUD!

INT. THE KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Laura's Husband hears Lola fall, turning. Laura grabs the

iron skillet and CLOBBERS him with it! BONG! He goes down.

LAURA:

I never forget anything... honey.

INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING - SAME TIME

Ned stares at the hair blower in his hand. Filled with disgust

and revulsion, he throws the "weapon" down.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Laura pulls TWO REVOLVERS from her purse... spinning them

like John Wayne... expertly tossing one over her back,

catching it in front! She heads for the foyer.

INT. FOYER - A MOMENT LATER - ON LOLA'S BODY

Laura pauses, looks down at Lola's body... notices something.

She pushes Lola's skirt a bit higher with the toe of her

shoe.

LAURA:

(outraged)

Those are MY panties!

She looks up... sees a light emanating from the bathroom.

ON THE LANDING:

Laura moves through the shadows... stops outside the bathroom,

pressing her back against the wall, guns up and ready.

She swivels into the doorway... taking a shooter's stance...

guns pointed! She sees... LANA... submerged in the tub, face

up, the rubber duckie in her mouth.

Laura steps back and turns... right into a THING covered in

white! Startled, she SHRIEKS! Ned drops the white towel he's

using to wipe off all of the shaving cream and toothpaste.

Relieved to see it's Ned, she throws her arms around him!

LAURA:

Oh Ned!

NED:

You were right... there's a million

things I don't know about women.

Maybe you can teach me a few hundred.

He pulls out his police badge, looks at it.

NED:

Hell... I had too many careers anyway.

He tosses it away, over the railing.

INT. FOYER - ECU LOLA - SAME TIME

The badge drops from above, landing on the floor right in

front of Lola's lifeless face. A beat. Her eyes pop open!

INT. BATHROOM - ECU ON BATH WATER - SAME TIME

Suddenly, the rubber duckie pops to the surface.

ON THE LANDING:

Laura hugs Ned again, arms locked around his neck, still

gripping a gun in each hand.

LAURA:

Oh Ned, I love you. I always loved

you!

INT. FOYER

Lola sits bolt upright, bloody but still bouncy.

INT. BATHROOM

Lana suddenly SITS UP in the tub, inhaling a huge GASP of

air, her eyes wild!

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Laura's Husband's eyes POP OPEN! He SITS UP suddenly...

smashing his head into the sharp corner of the kitchen table!

He topples back slowly... really dead! Finally.

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