Father of the Bride Page #6

GEORGE:

(VO)

This was the call I'd been dreading since I heard the words, "wedding

coordinator."

GEORGE:

Hello?

HOWARD:

Mr. Banks, this is Howard Weinstein. Franck's Executive Assistant.

I...ave...your estimate for you.

GEORGE:

I can barely hear you.

HOWARD:

I'm in my car...going through...Water...Canyon...Call you back?

GEORGE:

No. No. No. I want the estimate. How much? What's the damage?

HOWARD:

Well, everything from the flowers to the honeymoon limo...

GEORGE:

Okay, everything. How much?

HOWARD:

...dred and...ifty...a...ead...

GEORGE:

You're breaking up. It sounded like you said a hundred and fifty a

head.

HOWARD:

No...no...

GEORGE:

Good. I was about to kill myself.

HOWARD:

It's two hundred and fifty a head.

SCENE 19

GEORGE:

Get me Nina at work.

OLIVIA:

She just called.

GEORGE:

I need the final head count.

OLIVIA:

She just gave it to me.

GEORGE:

What is it? One-fifty?

OLIVIA:

Five hundred and seventy-two.

SCENE 20

GEORGE:

Two hundred and fifty dollars a head means that for the four of us to

attend this wedding in our own home will cost one thousand dollars.

Therefore, we are not getting up from this table until we cut this list

down to the bare minimum. Now, invite as many people as you want to

the church. Pack 'em in. Build a grandstand if you want, but we are

not having more than one hundred and fifty people in this house on the

day of the wedding. All right, let's start eliminating.

NINA:

Okay. Jim Pepper and wife.

GEORGE:

Oh, great. Start with one of my guys.

NINA:

Fine! Will start with one of mine. I'll cut Steve and Stephanie

Turell. They're very good clients of mine...

GEORGE:

Say no more, they're history.

NINA:

All right. Jim Pepper and wife.

GEORGE:

I've known the guy for twenty years.

NINA:

You haven't seen him in fifteen, George.

GEORGE:

All right. I'll say I lost his address. Now here's somebody. Your

cousin Betsy. The poet/waitress/picture framer.

NINA:

We can't cut family. They know about the wedding.

MATT:

I only invited one person: Cameron. Mom said I could have a friend

there.

GEORGE:

For two hundred and fifty bucks you can see Cameron after the wedding.

All right, very good. Five down. We're rolling.

NINA:

All right, what about Harry Kirby? We haven't seen him in ages.

GEORGE:

I don't know.

ANNIE:

Didn't Harry Kirby die last year?

GEORGE:

Yes! Good! Oh, well...sorry.

MATT:

Who's Frank Eglehoffer?

GEORGE:

What?

NINA:

He's coordinating the wedding and then we're not going to invite him?

GEORGE:

Exactly! Do you think I'm going to pay a guy fifteen-percent, plus an

hourly, plus an additional five hundred dollars to feed him and that

assistant of his? Have you lost your mind?

MATT:

Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?

GEORGE:

You know, that's not a bad idea. Who else can we ask not to eat? My

parents...your mother.

ANNIE:

Why don't we just charge people? That way we can make money on the

wedding!

NINA:

Annie? Annie...

GEORGE:

I was kidding.

SCENE 21

GEORGE:

"How to Give a Beautiful Wedding on a Small Budget." "Bake your own

wedding Cake." "Find a good tailor and copy a designer dress." "Have

a friend take the pictures."

GEORGE:

(VO)

From that moment on, I decided to shut my mouth and go with the flow.

SCENE 22

GEORGE:

(VO)

My first move was to get the old tuxedo out of mothballs.

GEORGE:

Hey, lookin' good, my man! Git down! Hey! What's new

pussycat...whoa-a-whoa-whoa...What's new pussycat...whoa-a-whoa-whoa...

NINA:

George? Annie, he's up here!

GEORGE:

Hey...Pussycat, pussycat, I love you...Indeed I do...Yes I do! Hey,

what do you think? Bought it in '75 and it still fits.

ANNIE:

Like a glove.

NINA:

Yeah...it's just a...way to go. Maybe...maybe you could get a new tux.

We're all wearing new clothes and...

GEORGE:

What? Don't you think I look cute? I mean, there will be a lot of

single gals there.

ANNIE:

Oh...I'll get it.

NINA:

Oh...Oh...By the way. Good news. The church is free.

GEORGE:

Oh, finally something is free.

NINA:

I meant available.

SCENE 23

FRANCK:

Oh, it's adorable...Oh, it's very nice...Very romantic. We change it

all, though. Let's go.

GEORGE:

(VO)

Franck and his crew had arrived to finalize all the details of the

wedding. First was an audition for a band singer. Just as I was about

to say, "Don't call us, we'll call you," I heard...

FRANCK:

Howard, we'll have to move out all of the furniture if we'll have any

sort of room in here...Ooh. This is a nice statement. It's...lots of

fun. Mrs. Banks, one question...

GEORGE:

Howard. Franck was saying something about moving out the furniture?

HOWARD:

We have to move it out if we're going to fit more than two hundred

bodies in here.

GEORGE:

But what if someone wants to sit down?

HOWARD:

We bring in chairs.

GEORGE:

Well, if you're bringing in chairs, then why are you moving the

furniture out?

FRANCK:

Mr. Banks, I do this for a living, you know? Trust me. A moving van

must take everything out. Yes, it's another expensive...oh sure,

yeah...but it's what we need. Annie? Mrs. Banks?

NINA:

Uh-huh?

FRANCK:

Come this way, please. So, what do you think of tailor? We do have

other tuxes.

GEORGE:

Well, I'd like to see him.

FRANCK:

Good. That should be no problem. Gather around, everyone. My best

friend in the whole world, Hank Burnewsky.

ANTHONY:

Greetings.

ANNIE:

Hi.

NINA &

GEORGE:

Hi.

FRANCK:

I need to take a minute of your time to discuss the menu.

GEORGE:

The man-yu? The man-yu? Remind me.

NINA:

The menu.

GEORGE:

The menu! Yes!

FRANCK:

Unfortunately, Hank doesn't speak English, so I'll translate.

GEORGE:

Franck, that'll be a big help.

*Franck and Hank discuss the menu.

FRANCK:

This is what Hank suggests. For the main course he wants to serve

veal.

ANNIE:

Oh, really? I have a problem with that.

GEORGE:

With what?

ANNIE:

With veal. I keep reading there's a lot of inhumane treatment in the

way they treat the calves.

FRANCK:

I read that, too. Very chic. No problem. *Franck translates to Hank.

So then there's seafood which is also chic, or fowl which is not chic

but cheap.

GEORGE:

(VO)

Cheap. Finally a word I understood. My first and last piece of good

news.

WOMAN:

Mrs. Banks?

NINA:

Yes?

WOMAN:

One last thing.

GEORGE:

What is he doing?

HOWARD:

We need more amps to light the house and the tent. It's cheaper than

bringing in a new line.

WOMAN:

In terms of the florals out front. We're going to color coordinate

with the swans, right?

GEORGE:

Swans?

NINA:

Well, yes. I think it'd be wonderful.

WOMAN:

Perfect.

GEORGE:

We're having swans?

ANNIE:

Franck thought it would be great to have swans waddling around the

tulip border, you know, as the guest enter. It would be really

romantic...

GEORGE:

Nina, we don't have a tulip border.

WOMAN:

You will.

FRANCK:

Mr. Banks, we have a problem. Hank does not want to do the chicken.

GEORGE:

He doesn't what?

MAN:

Franck, is the tent back through here?

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