Father of the Bride Page #7

GEORGE:

I've been meaning to fix that. You have to push, then pull.

MAN:

Oh.

FRANCK:

Oh, now let's not panic about anything, let's see. Oh, that's only a

scratch, we can fix that. Now, Mr. Banks, please, about the seafood.

Hank wants to know if it's okay or not to cook.

GEORGE:

No Franck. Tell Hank it's not okay. If I have to move out all the

furniture and add amps and repaint the walls and get a new tux and pay

for swans, then I'd like the cheaper chicken. Is that clear?

FRANCK:

I understood the "cheaper" part. (Franck talks to Hank). Well, that's

it. Hank says he will think about this. Now, we do not want to lose

him. He is a genius and we need his mind, okay? So, I'll see what I

can do. Hank? Hank?

HOWARD:

I see you're starting to lose it, but I have one more question, very

simple, about the parking attendants. Four is comfortable, three is

acceptable, anything less absolutely terrifies me.

GEORGE:

Two.

HOWARD:

Two.

NINA:

George?

GEORGE:

Two.

FRANCK:

Hank says if you want the fowl, he isn't interested. He passes.

ANNIE:

He passes?

BRIAN:

Hey Dad! How's it going? I came to get my sneakers. I left them in

Annie's room last night.

GEORGE:

(VO)

I was beginning to feel like I was having an out of body experience. I

had to get out of the house, and fast. Nina said as long as I was

escaping would I mind escaping to the market and picking up something

for dinner. Sure. That was all I needed. A busy supermarket. I

needed to drive, mellow out, get my mind off the wedding.

SCENE 24

GEORGE:

(VO)

But mellowing out was not in the cards.

STOCK:

BOY:

Excuse me, sir, but what are you doing?

GEORGE:

I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight

hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns.

They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I

don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns.

STOCK:

BOY:

I'm sorry, sir. But you're going to have to pay for all twelve buns.

They're not marked individually.

GEORGE:

Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the

wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company

and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the

American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for

everything they don't need rather than make a stink!

MANAGER:

Get me security.

GEORGE:

Well, they're not ripping off this nit-wit anymore because I'm not

paying for one more thing I don't need! George Banks is saying no!

STOCK:

BOY:

Who's George Banks?

GEORGE:

Me!

MANAGER:

Why don't we just calm down now, sir.

GEORGE:

I'll tell you why "we" don't calm down, because you're not excited! It

takes two people for a "we" to calm down, doesn't it?

MANAGER:

Uh, that I don't know, sir. I'm just the assistant manager of a

supermarket. But I'll tell you this. If you don't pipe down and pay

for those buns, I'm going to call the police.

GEORGE:

Oh...right! Yeah! Uh-huh. Yeah. Right!

MANAGER:

That's right.

GEORGE:

Right!

MANAGER:

Hey!

GEORGE:

Right!

MANAGER:

Hey! Come here! Come here! Come here!

SCENE 25

GEORGE:

(VO)

That was the low point. Flipping out over four hot dog buns. I

couldn't figure out why I'd gotten so nuts. Why the wedding had me so

unglued.

OFFICER:

Banks. Your wife is here.

GEORGE:

Aren't you going to let me out?

OFFICER:

She wants to talk to you first.

GEORGE:

She wants to talk to me first?

NINA:

Hello George.

GEORGE:

Why do you look happy to see me in here, Nina?

NINA:

Happy? No. No. No. I'm not happy, George. You think I was happy to

tell everyone that I had to come down to the city jail and bail you out

for stealing hot dog buns?

GEORGE:

I wasn't stealing them!

NINA:

Ah!

GEORGE:

I was just...

NINA:

Ah! I'm going to have to ask you not to talk or I'll have to call

Officer whatshisname over there. You've been more than I can handle,

George. Annie's wedding is not a conspiracy against you. It's just a

wedding. People have them every day in every country in the world. I

know it's going to be expensive. But, we don't go to Europe. We don't

own fancy cars. I don't own expensive jewelry, so we can afford to

have a big wedding.

GEORGE:

Nina...

NINA:

I'll get you out of here on one condition, Banks. That you'll agree to

the following. Now repeat after me. "I, George Stanley Banks..."

GEORGE:

I, George Stanley Banks...

NINA:

"...promise to pull it together and act my age."

GEORGE:

...promise to pull it together and act my age.

NINA:

"I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, unbuttoning my top

collar button..."

GEORGE:

I don't unbutton my top collar...

NINA:

Oh, yeah? No...You mean, like this bit?

GEORGE:

...stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, and unbuttoning my top

collar button.

NINA:

"I will stop making faces in general and I will definitely stop telling

everybody how much this wedding is costing."

GEORGE:

I don't tell everyone how much it costs!

NINA:

He told you, right?

OFFICER:

Two hundred and fifty a head?

GEORGE:

Oh, well, thanks!

NINA:

"I will try to remember my daughter's feelings and how with every roll

of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness."

GEORGE:

I love you, Nina.

NINA:

Just repeat the last part for me, George.

GEORGE:

I will try to remember my daughter's feelings and how with every roll

of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.

NINA:

I love you, too. Let's go home.

SCENE 26

NINA:

Annie! Brian! Look! It's a present! It's your first present!

ANNIE:

Our first present. I can't believe it.

BRIAN:

Our second one should be here any minute.

ANNIE:

Wow! How do you know?

BRIAN:

Well, I asked them to bring it over.

GEORGE:

Oh, so this is when we give the presents? Great. Uh, good...I'll be

right back.

BRIAN:

Where's he going?

NINA:

Maybe he got a present for you.

ANNIE:

You know about this?

NINA:

I haven't got a clue.

SCENE 27

JOHN:

Look at this!

ANNIE:

This is for us? Thank you so much!

GEORGE:

Yikes. A whole car.

ANNIE:

Dad? Dad, did you see what the MacKenzies got us?

GEORGE:

It's unbelievable. And you thought you'd never have a new car.

ANNIE:

I know! What's that?

GEORGE:

It's...nothing. It's just a gift I was thinking of giving you guys.

It's something you said you didn't have but you want.

ANNIE:

Can I see it?

GEORGE:

Yeah. Well...it's not a big, big gift, of course.

ANNIE:

It's a cappuccino maker!

GEORGE:

It's supposed to be a good one. That's what they said at the store.

It's...uh...top of the line. It makes great foam.

ANNIE:

I couldn't love anything more.

GEORGE:

(VO)

My feelings exactly.

SCENE 28

MAN:

All right, Mr. Banks. Here you go. A forty long. It's gorgeous even

on the hanger! Now this is an actual Georgio Armani. The real McCoy.

Don't ask how I got it. But here it is.

SCENE 29

GEORGE:

Nina, we have great friends, you know that. I mean, these are not your

run of the mill salad bowls, these are primo gifts. (Copying Franck):

As a mutter of fact, I am so happy we have decided to surve the very

chic but expensive seefoot at our very fushnaboil watting. (To Annie):

Ah! De bootiful broide. Good news! You have received another very

loovely, too good to be true, silver tea set. What's the matter?

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