Father of the Bride Page #3

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You know, driving down here,

I tried to put myself in your place.

Your daughter comes home

after spending four months in Rome...

a-and I'm sure you couldn't wait

to see her, and she shocks you...

with the news

that she's getting married.

And to somebody

you've never met before.

I'm sure that

must've been pretty...

um, heavy...

to use a word

from your generation.

I just wanna say

that I'm an upstanding citizen.

I've-l've never been

engaged before.

I've, uh, never really

been in love before.

And, uh, I think Annie's

the greatest person I've ever met.

And I can't wait

to marry her and...

one day have children

and grandchildren.

And I'm gonna do my best

to be supportive of her dreams.

And she's a very gifted architect.

Um-- I'm just thrilled

that I met her.

I love your daughter.

And the feelings that I have for her

are never gonna change.

And I'm here to stay.

- Oh, honey.

- Mom.

I'm so happy for you.

That's okay, Mr Banks,

We don't have to hug.

- Well, uh, maybe later.

- I know.

Well, that was just, um--

That was just the best thing

I've ever heard anybody say.

- Oh. Good.

- Well, I meant it.

Listen, I want to take Bryan out

for a drive, show him around San Marino.

- Okay, honey. Good.

- Annie, it's a little nippy out.

- You might want to put on a sweater.

- Oh, Dad, it's okay. I'm kinda warm.

Still, there's a chill in the air,

and you've been on a plane.

- Dad, I'm fine.

- Annie, it is kinda cold out.

- It is?

- Yeah.

- All right, thanks. I'll get my jacket.

- All right.

Right then, I realized

my day had passed.

She'll always love me, of course,

but not in the same way.

I was no longer the man

in my little girl's life.

I was like an old shoe,

the kind we manufacture...

and get all excited about and then

after a few years discontinue.

That was me now:

Mr Discontinued.

Mom? Don't wait up, okay?

We might stop for a cappuccino.

Oh, okay, fine.

Well, good night, Bryan.

Good night.

Um, good night, Mr Banks.

Oh, you can call him George,

or Dad.

- George will be fine.

- Okay. Uh--

I'll say it next time I see you.

Drive carefully, and don't forget

to fasten your condom.

- Dad!

- Seat belt!

I meant-- I meant

seat belt.

Um, I'm putting your father to bed.

This has been a very big night for him.

- Bye.

- Okay.

- Well, good night.

- Have fun.

- Bye.

- Good night.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye. Have fun.

- Bye.

This is a great kid.

- It'll never last.

- Wanna bet?

Nina, Annie's much too spirited

for this kid.

He's totally wrong for her.

I give it two months, tops. One month.

This is the right guy for Annie, George.

I'm telling you, I feel it in my bones.

- I mean, we're two lucky parents.

We are.

- Lucky? Oh!

What about his laugh? It was such

a giveaway. It was so phoney with his--

- I thought it was totally sincere.

- Oh, please.

What about that little rehearsed speech

he gave? It was right out of a book.

How To Grease Your Future

Mother-ln-Law.

You're off here, George,

really. I thought it was

completely from his heart.

- Why do you think I cried?

- Good question.

I don't know why either of you cried.

I'm losing my voice.

- Are my glands swollen or something?

- Let me see. No. No, honey, no.

And what about

the way he kept touching her?

- What do you mean?

- What do you mean what do I mean?

- He could-- He couldn't

keep his hands off her.

- Oh, yes. Kind of like...

when we were engaged, except that

wasn't all you couldn't keep off me.

That was different.

And we certainly never

acted that way in your parents' house.

Ah! You want me to name all the rooms

we did it in at my parents' house?

That was different.

We were like two imbeciles.

- This is our child we're talking about.

- Our child? Oh, George.

You know, I still think you see Annie

as a seven-year-old in pigtails.

Well, you know, that just shows

how much you know about me...

because that is not at all

how I see her.

Right, a seven-year-old

with pigtails.

I mean, here's the thing: We have

no idea who this Bryan really is.

- Oh. Uh-huh.

- I mean, if that's his real name.

I mean, who knows?

You know, maybe he already has a wife.

You read about these cases every day--

you know, men who have wives and

families stashed all across the country.

I mean, he could be a professional

con artist who meets innocents abroad...

and gives them this song and dance about

being an independent whatever that was.

And then skips out after bilking them

for all they're worth.

- Wh-What are you doing?

- I'm getting ready for bed.

You know, then I suppose you're not

interested that I believe

I remember seeing someone...

who looked like Bryan's twin

on America's Most Wanted.

You're right.

I'm not.

George.

George, l-l thought he was great.

I liked him a lot.

And I'm really ha-- Ann--

George, will you please stop making

that face? I'm very happy for Annie.

I'm excited for her.

This is a big deal.

I think that we should

at least hug.

This is great news.

Oh, a wedding.

Father of the bride.

Can you believe it?

Forty-eight hours later,

the wedding was still on...

and we were on our way to Bel-Air

to meet Bryan's folks.

I don't know why we have to have

brunch with total strangers.

Because their son is marrying

our daughter and it's not

an unusual custom meeting the in-laws.

You know, that's another thing.

I hate that expression: in-laws.

What does it mean anyway?

We're legally bound to these people?

I don't wanna be "in-lawed," especially

to people who live in Bel-Air.

I mean, what kind of people

have brunch and live in Bel-Air?

Rich people.

They probably live in the one shack

in the middle of all these mansions.

- Nice mood, George.

- What? I'm in a good mood.

Okay, I think this is it.

Yeah.

- Nice shack, babe.

- Worse. It's the biggest house

on the street.

Now we're related to

pretentious snobs. Just what we need.

You look very handsome, George,

way too young to be in-lawed.

Well, it really shouldn't matter

how I look. We're not here

to win their approval.

Just because you

changed your outfit five times.

Oh, and you didn't try on

nine different shirts?

- Two.

- Two.

Two long-sleeve,

two short-sleeve.

- Hi!

- George, Nina, welcome.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

- I'm John.

- How do you do?

- Hi, I'm Joanna.

- Welcome. Come in, please.

- Welcome to our house. Come on in.

- Come in.

- Thank you so much. Well.

All I could think about

was the size of this place.

We could've parked our whole house

in the foyer.

Ah, what a nerve-racking thing,

meeting your future in-laws.

- Yeah.

- What a relief. You two

look perfectly normal.

Oh, well, I am.

I have to tell you,

we got so nervous about today...

about meeting the two of you,

l-l must've tried

on three different outfits.

- Oh.

- I changed my shirt four times.

- Can you imagine anyone

being that jerky?

- Oh, I know.

So, come on in. I thought

we'd have lunch in here.

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