Father of the Bride Page #6

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you said 150 a head.

No! No!

- Good. I was about to kill myself.

- It's 250 a head.

- Get me Nina at work.

- She just called.

- I need the final headcount.

- She just gave it to me.

What is it? One-fifty?

$250 a head means for the four of us to

attend this wedding in our own home...

will cost $1,000.

Therefore, we are not

getting up from this table...

until we cut this list down

to the bare minimum.

Now, invite as many people as you want

to the church, pack 'em in...

build a grandstand if you want,

but we are not having...

more than 150 people in this house

on the day of the wedding.

-All right. Now let's start eliminating.

-Okay, Jim Pepper and wife.

- Oh, great. Start with one of my guys.

- Fine. We'll start with one of mine.

I'll cut Steve and Stephanie Turrill.

- They're very good

clients of mine. They're--

- Say no more. They're history.

- All right. Jim Pepper and wife.

- I've known the guy for 20 years.

You haven't seen him

in 15, George.

All right. I'll say

I lost his address.

Now here's somebody-- your cousin Betsy,

the poet/waitress/picture framer.

We can't cut family.

They know about the wedding.

I only invited one person: Cameron.

Mom said I could have a friend there.

For 250 bucks, you can see Cameron

after the wedding.

All right. Very good.

Five down. We're rolling.

All right. What about Harry Kirby?

We haven't seen him in ages.

- I don't know.

- Didn't Harry Kirby die last year?

Yes! Good!

Oh, uh, sorry.

- Who's Franck Eggelhoffer?

- What?

He's coordinating the wedding,

and then we're not going to invite him?

Exactly! Do you think

I'm gonna pay a guy 15%%%...

plus an hourly, plus an additional $500

to feed him and that assistant of his?

- Have you lost your mind?

- Can I put Cameron back on the list

if he promises not to eat?

You know, that's not a bad idea.

Who else can we ask not to eat?

My parents, your mother.

Why don't we just charge people? That

way we can make money on the wedding.

Annie. A--

I was kidding.

"How to give a beautiful wedding

on a small budget.

"Bake your own wedding cake.

"Find a good tailor and copy

a designer dress.

Have a friend take the pictures."

From that moment on, I decided

to shut my mouth and go with the flow.

My first move was to get

the old tuxedo out of mothballs.

Hey! Lookin' good, my man.

Get down! Hey!

What's new, pussycat

Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh

What's new, pussycat

Whoa, whoa, whoa

- Whoa, whoa

- George!

- Hey

- Annie, he's up here.

Pussycat, pussycat

I love you

'Deed I do

Yes, I do

Hey, what do you think?

Bought it in '75 and it still fits.

- Like a glove.

- Yes. It's just, it's a real way to go.

Um, maybe--

Maybe you could get a new tux.

Uh, we're all wearing new clothes, and--

What? Don't you think I look cute?

I mean, there will be a lot

of single gals there.

- I'll get it.

- Oh, oh.

Oh, by the way. Good news.

The church is free.

- Oh, finally something is free.

- I meant available.

Oh, I like that. It's very good.

Adorable.

Oh, they've done the shutters. It's like

kind of an I Remember Mama touch.

Oh, it"s very nice.

We change it all though. Let's go.

Franck and his crew had arrived to

finalize all the details of the wedding.

First was an audition for a band singer.

Volare

Oh, oh

Cantare

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

No wonder

Annie's happy heart sings

Bryan's love has given her wings

Hey!

Like birds of a feather

A rainbow together--

Just as I was about to say, "Don't

call us, we'll call you," I heard...

Howard, we'll huf to move out all de

furniture to huf any sort of room to--

Oh. Dis is a nice statement.

It's lots of fun.

Mrs Bonks, one kvestion--

Howard, uh, Franck was saying something

about moving out the furniture.

We have to move it all out

if we're going to fit

more than 200 bodies in here.

- But what if someone wants to sit down?

- We bring in chairs.

Well, if you're bringing in chairs, then

why are you moving the furniture out?

Mr Bonks, I do dis for a loving,

you know? Trust me.

A movink van must tek everything out.

It's an extra expense. Oh, sure.

Yah, yah.

Bot we need it. Annie!

Mrs Bonks. Come this way, please.

So, vhat do you think of the zinger?

- We do have other choizes.

- I'd like to see 'em.

Good. That'll be no problem.

My caterer, everyone, and my best friend

in the whole world, Hanck Kucinetzki.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

If I cud have a mewmunt of yer time

to discuss de monyo.

- "De monyo." "De monyo." Remind me?

The menu! Yes.

- No, the menu.

Onfortulley, Hanck doesn't

spake Anglish, so I will translit.

Franck, that'll--

that'll be a big help.

Dis is vhat Hanck sugjoost.

Fer the men kers, he vants to serf voll.

Oh, really?

I have a problem with that.

- With what?

- With veal. I keep reading...

there's a lot of inhumane treatment

in the way they treat the calves.

I read that too.

You're very chic. No voll.

So that leafs seafoot,

which is also chic.

Or fowl, which is not chic

but chip.

Cheap. Finally a word I understood.

My first and last piece of good news.

- Mrs Banks?

- Yes?

One last thing.

- What is he doing?

- We need more amps

to light the house and the tent.

- It's cheaper

than bringing in a new line.

- In terms of the florals out front...

we're gonna color coordinate

with the swans, right?

- Swans?

- I think it'd be wonderful.

- Perfect.

- We're having swans?

- Franck thought it would be great...

to have swans waddling around

the tulip border, you know,

as the guests enter.

- It would be really sweet.

- Nina, we don't have a tulip border.

- You will.

How much is--

Mr Bonks,

ve huff problus.

Hanck does not vant

no vay to prepare chuckun.

- He doesn't what?

- Franck, does the tent connect

through here?

I've been meaning to fix that.

You have to push, then pull.

Oh.

Oh, now les not panic

about anything. Les see.

Oh. Oh, that-- Eww. That's only

a sem. We cun fix that.

Now, Mr Bonks, please,

about the seafoot.

Hanck vants to know

if it's hokay or not hokay.

No, Franck.

Tell Hanck it's not okay.

If I have to move out

all the furniture and add amps...

and repaint the walls and get

a new tux and pay for swans...

then I'd like

the "chipper" chicken.

- Is that clear?

- I understood the "chipper" part. Yeah.

Hokay. Dat's it. Hanck says

he will think about dis.

Now, we do not vant

to louse him.

He is a ganius, and

ve need his mand. Hokay? So.

I'll see vhat I can do.

Hanck? Hanck!

I'm fine.

Anyway, where were we? Oh.

- Yes.

- I see you're starting to lose it.

But I have one more question.

Very minor. I'll say it quickly.

Parking attendants. Four is comfortable.

Three is acceptable. Anything less...

- absolutely terrifies me.

- Two.

- Two.

- George--

- Two.

Hanck says if you vant the fowl,

he vasn't interested. He passes.

He-- He passes?

ls he gonna do our cake?

Hey, Dad. How's it going?

Hi. I came to get my sneakers.

I left them in Annie's room last night.

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