Fear, Inc.

---

- ( footsteps )

- ( woman gasping, crying )

I told you I wanted

to cancel this thing.

Man:

Ma'am, you asked for this.

( metal scraping )

( panting, gasping )

( siren wailing

in distance )

Please, help!

Anybody!

Please, just--

please make it stop!

Okay, this is just

way too f***ing much!

Okay?

This isn't

what I asked for.

- Man:
Hold please.

- ( elevator music playing )

Seriously?

( door opening )

( gasps )

Ugh!

Ah!

Please cancel it!

Stop it!

( electrical buzzing )

( gasps )

( bell dings )

Oh, sh*t!

Whoa.

Every--

everything all right, ma'am?

Yeah, yeah, uh, no.

I'm-- I'm just, uh,

sorry, I'm just a little bit

flustered 'cause I-- I--

I basically, like,

paid for this thing

and then it just...

it turned out to be

a really bad idea.

Uh-huh.

But I'm just, uh--

I'm just trying

to get to-- to my car.

Yeah.

Listen...

if you see anything

strange out here,

my office

is right over there.

Don't hesitate.

'Kay.

All right?

Thank you.

Now, goodnight.

( door opens, closes )

( sighs )

( laughs )

Man on radio:

All right, I-- I don't have

eyes on her.

I haven't seen her.

Woman:

I-- I think she's headed

to the roof.

Man:

10-4, she took

the elevator.

- Where is security?

- Something's up with security.

- He just intercepted her.

- So she's headed to the car?

Man:

She's already in the car.

She's in the f***ing car?

( gasping )

( gasping )

( rock music playing )

No.

F***, no.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope, nope, nope.

Ah! God damn it, Sunshine!

F*** you!

F*** you, you 13-year-old

son of a b*tch.

Don't you got algebra

or something?

God damn it!

Stick our fruit

in mason jars

Snapping peas

in the backyard

I've been a year now

with my hands in the dirt

Blood on my fingers

can't show it hurts so...

- ( splat )

- ( tire screeching, crash )

Woman:

What the f***?!

I ain't gonna make it

if the workin' ain't done

- The workin' ain't done

till the setting sun ...

- ( imitating cheering )

Yes!

Come on.

Come on.

( music continues )

( groans )

Boom!

Oh!

Mr. Davis says

I got a sporting right hand

We gon' see him

next Sunday comes

Oh

I can't keep a livin'

Livin' this hard.

Woman:

Seriously?

Oh, babe.

Get in.

Doesn't look like

the garage has been touched.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I have had a very

productive day.

I just thought that this

was the perfect way to end it.

Joe, you said that you would

help out around here

while you were on

the hunt for a new job.

Oh, I am.

No, I am.

Babe, oh,

don't get pissed.

Uh, it's date night.

Date night.

Whoo!

You look great.

Hold on.

I'm coming over.

Woman:

It's not exactly

a candlelit dinner.

Joe:

I mean, how was I

supposed to know

it was gonna be

this lame?

Ah, check this out.

I guarantee you somebody's

gonna jump out and scare 'em

in three, two...

- Yah!

- ( couple screams )

Hey, look at that.

Genius.

Ha!

No, okay, okay.

You go first.

No, thanks.

( hums "The X-Files" theme )

( man screaming )

Ooh, looks

like someone has had

a long night.

Joe, that's very rude.

( distant woman screams )

Joe:

Oh!

Ah, ha ha.

Okay,

we'll, uh...

we're gonna be

moving on.

Ooh, I read

about this online.

Okay, this guy

right here

in the beautiful cape

was, uh, thrown off

the Great Wall

right after

they finished--

finished

construction.

"Beware, Emperor Qin Shi Huang

was murdered by a builder

while overseeing

construction

of the Great Wall

of China.

Anyone who takes

a photograph of his body

- is killed within a week."

- ( camera shutter clicks )

- Ah.

- Cool. Ah! No!

- Don't do that!

- Aw, it's so good.

I got the face

and everything.

Please delete it.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Joe?

- Uh-huh.

I think I already

know the answer

to this question.

- You do?

- But...

did you ever

get back to my dad

about that job?

Oh--

It sounded like

a great opportunity.

No, I did not.

- But...

- I told you.

I was just, you know,

I'm gonna find one.

I just don't

wanna settle

for the first

opportunity

that-- you know,

that comes knocking.

The main thing

is I don't wanna be taking

advantage of my parents.

Look, the main thing

is this place is kinda--

I mean, it was fun,

but it just kinda--

it also sucked.

You know,

it's just not scary.

Okay, it's not fun,

and it is scary.

If you weren't scared,

I don't know how scared

you want to be.

I wanna cry.

I wanna cry like the--

like the last time

I watched

"The Notebook."

I want to just be

ripped to shreds.

I want James Garner

to destroy me.

Oh, baby.

I just wanna be

scared a little bit.

I just wanna

shake in my boots.

I'm pregnant.

( laughs )

Does...

No, you're--

don't even.

Hey.

May I help you?

This ain't

scary enough, huh?

Sorry?

Sorry, I'm not

trying to be nosey.

I just overheard you guys

saying this wasn't scary enough.

Couldn't agree more.

( laughs )

If you ever wanna be

really scared,

just call that number.

Custom scares

just for you.

I promise

you will not be

disappointed.

Okay, man,

uh, thanks.

- You're so welcome.

- Okay.

Have a good one,

buddy.

And you.

That was normal.

- ( man yells )

- ( patrons screaming )

Nice and normal.

Baby,

I'm positive

that man didn't

steal your phone

or your wallet.

He was at our table

for less than two minutes.

Well, I had it

to get funnel cake,

and now

it's not in the car,

and between that time

a weirdo in a clown mask

who was paid

minimum wage

to scare children

for a living

came into our lives.

- So...

- You know what?

I bet you left it

on the counter.

I'll call

them tomorrow.

Hey, Joe.

Joe. Joe.

It's me, Bill,

from next door.

I know, Bill.

Well, we sure have

missed you at the last,

oh, uh,

let me think, uh,

six neighborhood

watch meetings.

I know.

Tuesdays are tough.

You know,

work and such.

Well, Joe,

just think about it

like this.

Work is important, yes,

but you know what else

is important?

Being part of a team.

A team with the most

important priority--

safety.

Yeah, it sounds

dramatic, Bill.

Oh, just think

about it, Joe.

Oh, I will.

Scouts honor.

Oh, wait,

I didn't know

you were a scout.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, my gosh.

This neighborhood's so nice.

Joe:

It is insane.

It's insane

that it's 90 degrees,

and it's sunny

on Halloween.

I mean, come on.

Babe, that's weird.

Right?

Wow!

Check out the gate.

Look at that.

You got to keep

the paparazzi out.

- Hi.

- A Prius?

You drive

a f***ing Prius?

- Are you-- hi.

- Hi.

Do you hate

your freedom, Joe?

Is that it?

I mean, do you have any idea

how many people have died

for your right to be

gluten free or whatever?

It's great mileage,

you f***ing a**hole.

Wow,

give me the tour

before all

the kale salad

- goes bad.

- Uh-huh, yeah.

Thank you guys again

for letting us stay with you.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, of course.

There's no sense

in spending money on

an expensive hotel.

Wow!

Oh, man.

Your life is different

than my life.

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