Fear, Inc. Page #2

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Yeah.

You really

married up,

my friend.

- Hashtag blessed.

- Come on, man.

The "M" word.

Put a dollar

in the swear jar, man.

Ow.

No way.

Hey, honey.

They got tetherball.

( music playing )

I was born

in darkness.

- Oh.

- ( gasps )

I wonder

what we break first.

Your spirit

or your body.

Time!

Oh, you suck!

That's eas--

I was Bane.

I was doing Bane.

He got it.

I was a good Bane.

That was a good one.

It's time for another round

of irresponsible drinking.

Okay, I wasn't sure

I was gonna do this.

A buddy of mine

gave me a special

birthday present last month,

and, let's just say,

you can sneak

anything on a plane

with just a little bit

of peanut butter.

- Eck.

- As Bane:
Ben,

How dare you bring drugs

- into my house.

- That's Bane.

- Oh, Bane.

- As Bane:
Would you

like me to--

- that's Bane--

- That's Bane.

would you like me

to break your body

or your spirit?

- Oh, just hurt me.

- Oh, I will,

'cause this

is hardcore stuff.

Okay,

but in the meantime...

Chanting:

Shots! Shots! Shot! Shot!

- Oh.

- Oh, I never take shots.

- You ready?

- All:
Cheers.

- Woo!

- You're calling

the kids later.

Ahh, here I come,

the merchant of dirt

I'm here to convert

the worthless birds

that chirp

Come get your just desserts

and discuss your worth...

Uh uh uh.

You didn't say

the magic word.

Uh uh uh.

- Eddie Murphy?

- No.

And we don't have

any more time

I find myself

in truth and honor...

- Is that a cigarette?

- No.

When do you guys

think you're gonna

get married?

Oh, my God.

Pfft.

...For your

blue collar chains

Don't be afraid,

it's all make believe anyway

Yeah, we can leave

any day...

Kid, I sure heard

a lot about you.

What happened to Natalie

on that boat...

- Nothin' to do with me.

- Whoa ho ho!

Keep the faith

despite what you hear

people say...

Are you

goin' first or...?

No, I thought

it was your turn.

- Oh, sh*t, is it?

- It's your turn.

Okay, okay, okay.

Do you remember me,

Eddie?

When I killed

your brother

I sounded just like

this!

What movies

are you watching?

Christopher Lloyd,

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"

- Oh, there's wind!

- Going down!

- There's wind!

- Going down!

Winner!

Okay.

Favorite horror

movie death scene.

- Go.

- No.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

"Nightmare

On Elm Street."

Johnny Depp.

- Ah.

- Ooh.

Well, "Titanic,"

because she let go of him.

- Ha ha ha!

- What?

"Final Destination"

shower scene.

That's the best one.

Over Johnny Depp

being killed by his own bed?

Yes.

Or you just love

Johnny Depp.

- Yeah, that's it.

- Yeah, see?

Red Wedding.

"Game of Thrones."

Mic drop.

Not a movie.

What?

It doesn't matter.

Okay,

it's the worst thing

you could ever see

with your eyeballs.

It's horrifying,

right?

It's the better

death scene than any movie

that I have ever seen.

And I have seen

a sh*t ton of movies.

Yeah, and when Joe

was actually living

with my family,

every weekend my parents,

they would buy us pizza

and we would watch

a different scary movie

every weekend

like clockwork.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

"Friday the 13th,"

"Elm Street,"

"Halloween."

All the classics.

You know what I mean?

Just all of 'em.

I think that's what

started my love affair

with this time of year.

I mean,

you just can't beat

"Halloween."

I didn't realize

you lived with his family.

( Joe groans )

Yeah, yeah, you know,

well, don't, uh--

don't get all "Bambi" on me.

It's fine.

I'm fine.

I'm gonna--

I'm gonna go get

some party favors.

- Uh, God save me.

- Woo!

- What?

- What?

- What does that mean?

- Ah, every now and again,

he likes to take

the party up a notch.

- ( foliage rustling )

- Did you hear that?

I don't know.

( labored breathing )

Ben,

what is that?

I don't know.

- Ben, go.

- All right, all right.

Be careful.

( labored breathing )

( labored breathing )

Yeah, it stopped.

I don't see anything.

- Yah!

- ( screaming )

( laughing )

What is wrong with you?!

That's not funny!

That's not funny!

Holy sh*t.

That was incredible.

- Joe!

- What?

What?

Come on, man.

The "Halloween" talk?

The Jason mask?

I mean,

this was too easy.

- You're sick.

- You want a hug?

- Come on,

give me a hug.

- No, you're sick man.

You're a sick man

in the head.

Is that a real

butcher knife?

Come on,

give me a hug.

This has been

an ongoing theme for him.

He's been obsessed

with scaring me lately.

He even insisted

that we have our

weekly date night

at this haunted house.

- ( scoffs )

- That's not creepy at all.

It wasn't.

But, uh,

this dude that's, uh,

that's working there,

uh, who said something

about this company,

uh, I forget his name,

but, uh, apparently,

uh, they create

these custom scares for you.

Yeah, but you're

also convinced

that he stole

your wallet.

Which is ridiculous.

Wait-- oh, f***, wait.

Wait.

Custom Scare thing?

I-- I-- okay,

I am 99% positive

that that's the thing

that my boss just did.

Remember I was

telling you about that?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, the scare company,

or Fear, something, maybe.

- Is that...?

- Yeah, "Fear, Inc."

That's it.

Did they say how it was?

You're kidding,

right?

Yeah, people said

is was horrible.

You definitely

don't want to do this, okay?

You got a crazy look

in your eye right now

and someone as f***ed up

as you in the head

would not like it.

- Okay?

- Why?

Why did they say

it was so bad?

Was it not worth

the money or something?

First off,

unless your sugar mama's

gonna pay for it,

you can't afford

something like this.

Secondly,

they, like, hurt you,

like,

physically hurt you.

I'm sure emotionally, too,

but physical-- like the--

the company,

it's not legit.

And they--

they find people

that, like--

people like you

okay, who--

who, like,

are looking

for something

more intense,

and then they just use that

as-- as an opportunity

to fulfill their own

sick f***ed up fantasies.

What?

This is a f***ing

haunted house, man.

You guys--

you guys can't

be serious, right?

No, dude,

you're not get--

you're not

getting this through

your head, man.

It's not a haunted house.

Okay, I heard

that these guys

chased my boss

through a parking garage

in the middle

of the night.

Okay, I don't know

what happened,

but, like,

she hasn't been

back to work since.

It f***ed her up

that much.

Okay?

Well, on that

delightful note,

I'm going to go to bed.

I think you should, too.

It was really nice

to have you guys here.

- Thank you.

- Good night.

Sleep well.

Good night.

Give up, woman.

You guys good?

- Yeah.

- Are great.

- Cool.

- You gonna tuck us in?

- I can tuck you in, buddy.

- No, not standing there.

- Old school.

- I'm all weirded--

no, get outta here.

- No? I remember.

- No, go to bed.

- Corner tuck.

- Thank you.

( both laugh )

( music playing )

The night

is always young

I hold grudges

with the sun

They're fewer

and far between

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