Fear Page #2

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The opportunity to meet someone in here...

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nearly made me go mad

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I thought I couldn't take it much longer

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I was sure someone lived in here

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My victims

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I was afraid

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Daddy?

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Not of the law

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I was in a state of mind that excluded

every kind of logic

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I was afraid of myself

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Already earlier in my life,

I had been in great fear

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For example, as a child it was impossible for

me to be alone in a room

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My grandmother once locked me alone in a

dark room for a whole night

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I thought she was trying to kill me

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That I'd die of fear

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The only thing that helped me

were those sounds

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What luck I had

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What luck I had

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This house was perfect for me

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My plan would work

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Mommy

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Daddy is here

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Don't be stupid, he's long been dead

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As a child, I always had to fear for my life

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First my mother threw out my father

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Then she lived with another man

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My stepfather

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And she tried to kill me

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She wrapped me in wet diapers

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and put me in front of

the open window

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So I should get cold at the window

and freeze to death

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Sylvia!

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Sylvia...

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Sylvia...

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I was never safe with my mother

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She hated boys

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For my mother, I was only an attempt

to get a girl

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She didn't want a boy like me

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She developed a real infatuation

for my sister

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I didn't exist for her

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My sister could do with me

whatever she wanted

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My mother always just laughed

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But one time, I caught my sister alone

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I really gave it to her then

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I wanted to hit her until she was dead

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In her eyes I saw that she was afraid of me

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That excited me enormously

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Because my mother didn't want me,

I grew up at my grandmother's

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But she always just said that she

had to be ashamed of me

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That I was a shame for the whole family

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Because I was an illegitimate child

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She was incredibly religious

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...and to purge the guilt,

she sent me to a convent

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I didn't want to

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But I had to become a priest

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We students lived in that convent

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...and the nuns and priests had a farm there

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There were all kinds of animals there

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One afternoon, I secretly snuck into the barn

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...and used a knife until the blood gushed

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It was a pig

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It was afraid of me and squeaked so loudly

that the nuns came and caught me

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After this incident I had to leave

the convent

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For my grandmother, a world collapsed

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She was so religious...

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Now I was no longer allowed to become a priest

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After the incident at the convent,

my mother said

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that my family had to be afraid of me

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For her, I now was a monster

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She punished me by not letting

me back to my grandmother

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That was because my stepfather decided

to take over my upbringing

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But he hated me

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He was always good to my sister

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But He couldn't stand me

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She was never treated badly

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One time, he hit me so hard, that I had

to crawl on the floor

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My mother and my sister just stood there

and laughed at me

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I wanted to take revenge on my stepfather

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I wanted to kill him, out of rage

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Daddy

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But I was too weak

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So I had to run away from home

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I slept in the park

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There I observed a swan

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First I strangled it

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Then I cut off its head

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It was expelled from the flock and

didn't go back with them in the water

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It lived all by itself in a corner

of the park

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It liked humans very much

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But it was afraid of me

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I imagined, that I was taking my revenge then

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Everything went wrong

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Everything happened to fast

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I had it imagined totally differently

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Much much more dramatic

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At least now I wanted to stick to my plan

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First the mother should visit her dead son

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She should observe very carefully

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...how he no longer could move

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