Feast of Love Page #4

I mean, he wasn't my student,

for God's sake.

He was my son.

ESTHER:
Look at me.

Harry, please.

You were a wonderful father. Nothing...

Nothing that you could have done

would have stopped him.

You don't know that.

We don't know

what might have happened.

Do we?

Oh, Harry.

DIANA:
You like it?

BRADLEY:
Yeah!

It's pretty much

exactly what you asked for, Bradley.

One bedroom plus a studio.

But the important thing to remember

about this place is...

The important thing

is whether or not you had fun last night.

- Yes, I had a good time.

- What's that, Diana?

- We always have a good time together.

- How come you never got married?

Can we just stay on track here, Bradley,

for a minute?

The owner will take a second mortgage,

which means

that you can get out of renting...

Is it because you never met anybody

as lovable as me?

Are you ever going to buy a house,

or are you just jerking my chain?

It's perfect.

Really.

I'll take it.

Are you serious?

Oh, my God,

I'm actually going to buy a house!

I love this place, really.

It's perfect for you. It is.

Words fall through me

And always fool me

And I can't react

Have I told you how grateful I am

you came into my life?

Come on. You would have

found a place sooner or later.

That's not what I mean.

Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat

and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice

you have a choice

You've made it now

That's all, folks.

That was amazing.

You're disgusting.

That's a disgusting habit.

Hey, how's your boyfriend?

He's fine. Thank you for asking.

Okay, I gotta know something.

Mmm-hmm?

What do you see in this guy?

(SIGHS)

Well, he's not stupid, or inconsiderate.

He's not obnoxious, or violent,

or boring, or annoying.

He's not a bad dresser,

he's not unemployed,

and he is not unhandsome, either.

An absence of disqualifiers

is a rare and beautiful thing.

Oh, and did I mention?

He's not married, either.

(TYPING)

Well, that makes me happy,

seeing you back at work.

ESTHER:
Oh, I thought you were

working on your book.

HARRY:
No, it's just a letter.

- You're extending your leave of absence?

- Indefinitely.

- But I thought...

- I changed my mind.

Honestly, I just don't feel like

I can be of much help to them now.

Don't be ridiculous. They're just kids.

All the more reason

to stay out of their way.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(TYPING STOPS)

(TYPING RESUMES)

Need help with that?

No, thanks.

How'd you pay for those?

You been selling my sh*t?

I'm not a thief.

- Where's my pillow, then? Huh, b*tch?

- What pillow?

My wife give it to me in Atlantic City.

Look, I don't know what

you're talking about.

I see right through you, whore.

I swear I never took anything

from your house,

except Oscar and he's not yours.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Pretty little face.

Sure be a shame to open her up.

Go ahead.

You'll go to jail

for the rest of your f***ing life.

(GASPS)

See you later.

You have enough stuff?

- That's actually nice.

- HARRY:
Bradley?

- You think?

- Where'd you get that?

Hello?

- Anybody home?

- BRADLEY:
Harry!

What are you doing here?

Well, I arrived about 28 years ago

and never left.

I live next door.

- Here?

- Yeah.

That's fantastic! We're... I...

- How did we never put that together?

- I don't know.

Stranger things have happened. A re-gift.

I'll use it to christen the fridge.

It also makes a good doorstop.

Hey, honey!

I want you to meet somebody.

I can't believe it! You know,

I love this street. I love this area.

Bradley, there's something

I need to share with you.

This house has a history.

Over the years, we've watched

happy young couples move in here

and before you know it,

they're at each other's throats,

and within weeks or months,

they're moving out.

Separately.

Now, this has happened

three times in a row.

Now, I'm a man of logic.

I think it's just coincidence.

But, Esther, my wife,

she thinks supernatural forces

are at work.

She thinks the place is cursed.

Hi.

Hi.

Diana, this is Professor Harry Stevenson.

- Hi, it's nice to meet you.

- Harry, this is Diana.

Nice to meet you.

My, my.

You're even more beautiful out of the rain.

Now, how is it possible

that you were unattached?

Well, I have impossibly high standards.

So, you think this place is haunted?

Well, my wife does.

Well, that's okay.

We're not afraid of ghosts.

Hey, what happened?

Did you see the video guy?

Did you talk to him?

- What'd he say?

- Yeah, easy, sleazy.

- What'd he say?

- Here, here.

That's it?

- Two hundred and forty bucks?

- Well, nobody's ordering it.

- What do you mean nobody's ordering it?

- It's not hot enough.

- What?

- That's what he said.

- It's totally hot. You said so yourself.

- Yeah, I know.

But, I mean, I'm just a little old girl.

You guys are too in love, he says.

You laugh and sh*t.

I guess when it comes to porn,

that's a drag.

This isn't enough for a place with a foyer.

Hey.

Hey, we all got dreams.

I mean,

I want to buy new tits and a hybrid.

Oh...

Tell your friend he's an a**hole.

Yes?

Hi. I left my bike out on the street.

Is it gonna be safe?

Laurel and Hardy says it is.

Tarot reading is $12, palm reading, $12.

Guaranteed prediction of the future $20.

Well, can't get the future for free.

Okay, honey,

what you want to know about?

I have this boyfriend, Oscar.

Handsome boy, almost pretty.

That the one?

Okay, we'll start with a palm reading.

You sit there.

When did this Oscar pass over?

Pass over? You mean die?

No, Oscar didn't die. He's fine.

He's just fine.

Well, we can always ask the cards.

I've seen better cards, I'll say that.

Honey...

It's important to take the future

with a grain of salt.

I want the truth, Mrs. Maggarolian.

Both Laurel and Hardy are telling me

that his future prospects are not so hot.

I didn't see that much of your future,

so I'm gonna give you a little refund.

Stop on your way home and get Oscar

a couple of cheeseburgers

and some French fries.

He'll love that.

If you really love him...

People can keep other people alive.

Trust me on that.

CHLOE:
Oscar?

Oscar.

- Oscar, wake up.

- What? I'm up.

Hi.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- What's that?

- I brought you cheeseburgers.

Oh, nice.

I was just dreaming about cheeseburgers.

Hey.

Marry me.

- What?

- Let's get married. You and me.

Really?

Yeah. Yes. Of course I'll marry you.

She's sorry she couldn't be here.

She's writing up an offer.

She's dying to meet you, by the way.

From what I've seen out the window,

she's quite a looker.

Oh, is she ever!

I mean, what the heck she sees in me I...

I don't know.

- Must be your inner beauty.

- Or all that free coffee.

Honestly, I feel like

I'm the luckiest man alive. I...

She is this force of nature.

I mean, she is so smart

and so sexy.

Totally unpredictable.

It's like living with a wild animal, or...

Never mind.

David?

Mmm?

Bradley asked me to marry him.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Bradley, the coffee guy?

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