Feast of Love Page #5

Mmm-hmm.

(LAUGHING)

Uh...

What did you say?

How did you get out of that one?

I didn't, actually. I said yes.

What do you mean, you said yes? You...

You're going to marry him?

You're going to marry him.

You're going to tear this guy apart.

- You know that.

- Oh, come on.

That's what you do to the

nice ones, Diana. Come on, I know you.

- Oh, Jesus, David. I'm not that bad.

- I know every square inch of you.

Yes, you are that bad.

You and me, we're the same like that.

- We're mean and ill-tempered.

- Really? Well, not around Bradley, I'm not.

When I'm with him, I'm nice.

I'm actually a nice person, David...

- Really?

...some of the time.

Okay. Well, if you're so f***ing nice,

what are you doing here with me?

I don't know. We're having sex, I guess.

That's what we do, you and me.

We have sex and we drink wine.

We drink wine and we have sex.

Yeah.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay. All right,

so if you are going to marry this guy...

I am gonna marry him.

If you're going to marry

this Bradley person

shouldn't you at least

try to be with him exclusively?

You're the one

with the wedding ring, not me.

- Yeah, it's not the same thing.

- Yes, it is.

No, it's not the same thing!

You're going to enter into a marriage,

a first-timer.

You haven't even tried to be faithful

to this guy?

I was faithful to Karen

for 11 f***ing years!

I gave that marriage everything that I had.

- Oh, Jesus Christ!

- What have you given this guy, huh?

What have you given him?

Do you even love him?

- David, I'm done with this!

- Do you love him?

I find him exceedingly lovable.

Yeah, that's not what I asked.

- Do you love him?

- I don't know, David. I suppose...

Wake the f*** up!

What is wrong with you?

Get out of my house.

Get the f*** out of my house!

No.

You're gonna marry a guy that you're

not even sure you're in love with.

You deserve to be slapped. You're a c*nt.

I'm gonna walk outside right now,

because I think that would be best

for both of us.

- You're not dressed.

- I don't give a flying f***!

David.

Don't say anything.

Can we... Can we just stop for a minute

and, please, can we just talk about this?

I think it would be better

if we just don't see each other again.

- David, please don't say that.

- This is a mistake you're making, Diana.

This is a soul mistake.

JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: And do you, Diana,

take this man to have and to hold,

for better or for worse, for richer,

for poorer, in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish from this day

forward till death do you part?

I do.

You may now exchange the rings.

You first. Then me.

There you go.

By the powers vested in me

by the laws of the state of Oregon,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

Wouldn't it be wonderful

if we could do that

with everything we found uncomfortable?

Kick it off into a flower bed?

Hey, you in the suit.

It's a wedding, not a funeral.

What's the matter?

I'm just not feeling very festive.

- You know what might help?

- What?

If you faked it.

Come on, let's show them how it's done.

Come on.

(SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

Esther's amazing.

I'll have to agree with you.

Can I trust her with Oscar?

Mmm...

Hard to say.

I mean, she's a passionate woman

with needs, you know?

Hey, how come you two never had kids?

- I'm sorry, I just...

- We did.

A son.

Aaron died last year

of a heroin overdose.

Here. Come, sit.

His death was hard enough to accept.

Almost as hard was the fact that

we had no idea he had a drug problem.

I mean, he was a top student.

He was a doctor.

When the police called,

we were sure that this was a mistake.

He had, like, a secret life.

And I don't know why.

Every day I try to figure it out.

The first sign.

The moment I didn't see.

A bit of unsolicited advice for you,

as soon as you get married, have a baby.

And as soon as you've done that,

have another one.

- Have at least two. Okay? Two.

- Okay, two.

Atta girl.

Hey, I'm gonna ask you a question, okay?

All right.

Oscar and me really need parents.

Mine are dead,

and Oscar's only got the Bat.

Would you and Esther adopt us?

You know, unofficially.

That's cool. You need time.

Just think about it.

Ta-da.

Voila.

Thanks.

- Hey, you hesitated today. How come?

- When?

Just towards the end of the ceremony,

right before the "I do."

I did?

(SIGHING)

Can't remember.

(CHUCKLES)

- What a day, huh?

- Yeah.

Cheers.

(GLASSES CLINKING)

I love you, Mrs. Smith.

You know, sometimes I think

love is just a trick nature plays on us,

just a way of bringing

more screaming babies into the world.

You actually believe that?

Sometimes.

God, I think it's everything.

The only meaning there is

to this crazy dream we're all trapped in.

Well...

(CRUSHING CIGARETTE

UNDER SHOE)

I hope not.

Good night, sweetheart.

It's been lonely for you, I know.

And I'm sorry.

There's just the two of us now.

One day, there'll only be one of us.

It's an unbearable prospect.

That's why we have to love each other

as hard as we can now,

while we still have the chance.

I love you.

(CRYING)

Six weeks

and I still can't find half my stuff.

You didn't leave one of my boxes

on the truck, did you?

No, I don't think so.

Well, it must be this evil house

hiding my clothes,

trying to turn me against you.

Well, don't let it.

Here it is.

That looks a little big. Let me guess.

An ex-boyfriend's.

Sweetheart, there was no one before you.

You were my first.

On our wedding night,

you remember how scared I was?

Hey, are we supposed to bring something

to this party?

DIANA:
You are so... You're so

fashion-phobic. It's great. I love it.

With the tie on?

You're the best-looking guy here.

It looks great. Enjoy it.

- Thank you, dear.

- It's okay.

Well, listen, regarding this house,

I mean,

Chloe and Oscar need a place to live.

And if you find some great place,

I'll help them out.

We don't even have to let them know,

you know?

I'm on it.

- I think I found something.

- MAN:
David!

I found a house with a great neighborhood.

Michael, nice to see you.

- WOMAN:
How are you?

- Good, good, good.

That sounds good. You all right?

I'm gonna go get a drink.

Do you want anything?

Just a beer, please.

- Hey, Scott, how you doing?

- Hey.

- White wine.

- Thank you so much.

Diana Croce?

- I'm sorry?

- Karen Watson.

My husband, Dave, and I bought a house

from you a few years ago.

Oh, right. The two-story Georgian.

- Exactly.

- On Walnut Street.

- So you're still happy with the house?

- Oh, well, we love it. At least I do.

David's just so busy.

He's not around much.

I'm... I'm sorry. Could you excuse me?

I left the house, I asked my wife,

"Do you have the directions?"

She said, "I don't have the directions."

I'm like, "Well, I don't have the directions."

So we get in the car and start driving

and I use my little thing,

and I press the button

and put the address in

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