Feed the Gods Page #2

---

high-pitched yelps upon

alleged Bigfoot encounters.

Other instances describe the phenomena

as a human-like whistling sound. "

How is it a fact if the existence

of Bigfoot isn't even a fact?

Uh, "fact number seven.

Communication by wood knocking may also serve

as a navigational aid in nocturnal conditions. "

Tendale.

Not many.

September 13.

My team and I reach Tendale

three hours behind schedule.

I fear Kris, our expedition

transportation coordinator,

vill discover the debt

incurred on his credit card...

after lengthy detour

sidetracked us while he slept.

We are looking

into the barbershop,

vere zee locals presumably

get zer hair fashioned.

Well, here we are,

surrounded by plenty of nature,

um, tourists, lumberjacks

and possibly Bigfoot.

Of course our mission is to...

find...

Morning, sleepyhead.

You did some exploring

as well, I see.

Not a single motel.

Or any food made

in the last 20 years.

Well, that should kill tourism.

Why the hell

did we agree to this?

Something, something, bonding with

your brother, something, something.

And, uh, who said that?

Couldn't tell you. The good ideas

were just flying back and forth.

Who knows what's what?

Uh-huh.

Kris! Ahh!

Will! Hey, everybody,

Will's here.

Who are you talking to?

Yeah, but that's not the point.

I saw something.

Oh. Brit, do you hear

that? Will saw something.

You're an ass.

Unbelievable.

Long trip.

So, Bigfoot owns

a bed-and-breakfast.

Yeah, maybe.

Oh-oh!

Holy sh*t!

Yeah, okay, that's live.

That's what the sign said.

Yeah. Thanks. Uh, rock-paper-scissors

to see who goes under.

I found another way through.

Here we are. This shitty,

a**hole cabin. But that's cool.

Wait a second.

Oh, my God.

Oh, that is awesome.

Dude.

Will.

What are you doing?

Yeah. Nothin'.

Really?

Yeah.

Hey.

Hi.

Hi.

Emma, this is my brother, Will.

Will, this is Emma.

She owns the bed-and-breakfast.

What's up?

Yeah. So, um,

we're gonna get our stuff,

if you're finished not doing

whatever it is that you're doing.

Yeah. No, that's... that's

perfect. Good. Thanks.

Let's do that.

Establish yourself

as pervert. Check.

Embarrass yourself in front

of local hottie. Double check.

Just a couple extra moments.

Oh!

Got everything?

So, how long are you guys

planning on staying?

- Um, probably just...

- Uh, up in the air, actually.

To the presidential suites!

Oh. Hmm.

You'll be sharing the top floor

with Wyatt and Shanna.

I hope you're

not light sleepers.

So I said, "Matthew, where did

you get those Skittles from?"

And he said, "I got... " Oh, Em,

can we use the fire pit outside?

Yeah. Of course.

Okay.

So, I said, "Matthew, where did you

get those Skittles from? They're mine. "

And here we have the inside

of our shitty, old cabin.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah, okay.

All right.

That's pretty serious.

What else have we got here?

What is that?

There's a cot in the living room

for your brother.

We don't usually get more than a couple

guests at a time, so I hope this will do.

He's not too picky.

He's barely house-trained,

actually.

Well, he'll fit right in

with the locals then.

- Where's your bathroom? - Uh, just past

the stairs and first door on the right.

Is she yours?

What?

Married, I mean. God.

I'm sorry. We don't... We just... I haven't

had this many guests in a while, so...

Guess I just like

to know who's who.

- So you run this place on your own?

- No. No, not exactly.

My Uncle Hank, he helps out

from time to time, but...

legally it's mine.

That's a lot of responsibility. Yeah.

Tell me about it.

Nobody appreciates it either.

Well, I do.

Because if I had to spend another

second in that car with my brother,

I would have swerved

into the opposite lane.

Well, I'll let you

get comfortable.

Just, uh, call my name

if you need anything.

Okay. Good night.

Kris?

When you said

it was up in the air,

how long did you mean we were staying?

Two, three days max.

Good.

'Cause I know this

was my idea and all,

but we have a life

to start starting.

Well, why don't we

get started right here?

Give those Aussies a run

for their money, eh, mate?

Outback's a dangerous place.

Little buggers will sniff you out and

eat you alive if you're not careful.

And you kill these things

with your bare hands?

No, mate.

This.

F***ers are vicious. I mean,

they'll take your arm off like that.

And these drop bears

kill people all the time?

Too f***in' right.

Shan, tell 'em about the one

that 'tacked your gran.

Took her leg off in one go.

Trousers too.

Huh.

Wow.

So what brings you guys

out here?

It's funny you ask that.

What brings us out here, love?

Bigfoot.

Bigfoot, mate.

Bigfoot?

Right.

Bigfoot. F***in' Bigfoot, mate!

Uh, so, the Sasquatch Watch?

No.

F***in' Bigfoot.

Met this old couple, ways back.

They said, "Head to Tendale.

That's where all the action is. "

Quite insistent, actually.

Quite f***ing insistent,

actually.

Don't... f***in' move.

Look at me.

Now you're gonna run.

In three,

two,

one.

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Did I get you? I got

him. I think I got him.

How long were you back there?

Yeah, Pete, how long

were you back there?

Come on. We gotta set sail

before hittin' the trail.

Oh, he's a poet, love.

Expensive poet.

Yeah, you're a f***in'

expensive poet.

Truck's at the gate. I'll

see you guys there in 10.

Uh, Pete?

It-It's Pete, right?

Is this some sort

of a Sasquatch Watch?

Why are you here?

Uh, we-we saw

our parents on, um...

Well, there was a videotape that was

shot here in Tendale... Videotape?

Well, yeah. It had our

parents on it and...

Can I see that tape?

Oh, why?

You think it's... You

think it's worth something?

I tell you what. I will

trade you the videotape...

if you take me

on the Sasquatch Watch.

Okay. Hand it over.

Well, I don't have the tape on me

right now. I'd have to ask my brother.

You know, he-he's got...

Sh*t.

I don't understand why the guy

needs the tape so badly.

Also worth noting, I'm sure

he can take you out tomorrow.

God knows there's nothing else

going on in this town.

I don't know either, Kris. I mean, that tape

is the only evidence we have of our parents.

Might give us some clues as

to where they were last seen.

And it's not in here either.

We'll just get some sleep, and

we'll look for it in the morning.

It's probably in the car.

The car. Yes!

And knock next time!

Jesus!

Is he going to interrupt us again? Nope.

It's a f***in' sham, Wy.

Bigfoot, right?

Could be in Europe or somethin'.

Is the concept of backpacking

across foreign soil lost on you?

When the country's

this big, it is.

Look, just enjoy the ride, Shan.

You might not get to go

Bigfoot hunting again.

Oh! F*** me.

All right, all right.

We are out of here.

And, uh, Will the Conqueror?

Next time maybe.

Ah, so help you God,

Kris, if you...

If you left it behind, I am...

What was that?

That wasn't wind.

Wind doesn't close doors,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes