Fever Pitch Page #5

where it ends with a big Hawaiian number.

It's like youre missing

all the ambience and all the fun.

- I know.

- The players are right there.

I have a meeting at 5:30 and had to

leave work at noon to meet you here...

- so my people aren't prepared.

- Right. Okay.

You know what?

I left work early...

so you're gonna have to figure it out

for yourself, and I'll call you later.

Wakefield.

That's a foul.

- What makes that a foul?

- See that foul pole there?

That's Pesky's Pole.

That's this guy Johnny Pesky.

Yeah!

Hey, what are you doing

on Saturday?

Mm, you tell me.

- You know what's really great about baseball?

- Hmm?

You can't fake it. Anything else in life,

you don't have to be great in-

business, music, art-

I mean, you can get lucky.

- Really?

- Yeah, you can fool everyone for a while, you know?

It's like- Not- Not baseball.

You can either hit a curveball

or you can't.

- That's the way it works, you know?

- Hmm.

You could have a lucky day, sure,

but you can't have a lucky career.

It's a little like math.

It's orderly.

Win or lose, it's fair.

It all adds up.

It's, like, not as confusing

or as ambiguous as, uh-

- Life?

- Yeah.

It's- It's safe.

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

- Hey.

- Hi.

What, did you buy out

the bookstore?

Actually, I bought every book

they had on the Red Sox...

because I'm tired of being

the most ignorant person here.

Now who is

Carl Yaz-a-strezem-

Yastrzemski.

- She's not a genius, this one.

- No.

Johnny Damon!

You got the sweetest ass in the league!

Very nice.

Do you believe in this?

"The Curse of the Bambino"?

- Hey, that's not funny. That's enough of that.

- But Babe Ruth was the Bambino.

That's right.

He played for the Red Sox.

They were great.

I mean, they were the Yankees.

They won the World Series

in 1912, 1915...

1916, 1918.

They were royalty.

The elite.

Al should know. He was there actually.

He's 136 years old.

He looks great for his age.

1919, their miserable, greedy pig of a boss...

decides to sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees

to finance a Broadway musical.

No, No, Nanette.

I would never ever see that piece of crap.

And since 1918, the Red Sox

have not won a World Series.

Yeah, the Yankees have won 26.

And the thing is the Sox don't just lose,

they raise it to an art form.

Tony C.,

best young player in baseball...

catches one in the eye at 22,

he's finished at 26.

Armbrister runs into Carlton Fisk,

costs us the Series.

Bucky friggin' Dent.

You remember the time

Roger Moret went catatonic?

The grounds crew had to carry him out

in a wheelbarrow.

Buckner.

Grady Little sticking

with Pedro in the eighth inning.

Ooh, stop it.

You're killing me here.

And that, milady,

is the Curse of the Bambino.

Number 19, Gabe Kapler.

Okay, I'm ready.

Let's go meet Mom and Dad.

Nothing.

- A laugh? A giggle?

- This is not a man's closet.

- What do you mean?

- You have one pair of dress shoes.

You're like a man-boy-

half man, half boy.

You should see the way

my sister's husband dresses.

He had a professional come in

and do his closet. It's like suit, suit, suit-

All right, okay, okay.

I see what this is all about.

You want your parents to like me

more than they like your brother-in-law.

No, it's not-Yes!

Is it so horrible that

I want my parents to like you?

Okay. I think we have enough stuff

in this closet. We can fool 'em.

He looks like a skunk.

You're the one that told me

to grow it out.

Well, what else could I say?

It looked ridiculous on you. A man your age-

Now, I understand that you're a teacher, right?

You were?

Yes, for 27 years.

- And, okay, now youre the principal, right?

- Mm-hmm.

And you-

Did you ever tell me what your dad does?

- I sell golf carts.

- Wow. Okay, that gives us nothing to talk about.

I don't really know much about it.

That's funny, 'cause every other guy

she's gone out with...

has tried to get

a free golf cart out of me.

No, I like golf. Great sport.

It's just I don't really get out much, you know?

- We love it.

- Yeah?

They play all the time.

We tried to get on the country club here,

but it's very difficult.

It's almost impossible. I had to call

the manufacturer of my golf carts...

- a guy named Dave Johnson, and said-

- Jensen.

- No, Dave- Dave Johnson.

- Jensen.

- Jensen?

- Hi. Sorry were late. He was watching the Red Sox game.

- How'd they do?

- No, no. La, la, la, la, la!

- Help me! Help me! Help me!

- What's wrong?

Oh, help me! Help me!

Help me! La la la la!

La la la la. La la la la.

Okay. Okay.

It was awesome.

Struck out the side.

Okay, it stopped.

It stopped. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

- Whew!

- Um-

- Thank you.

- Yeah. Ben tapes the Red Sox games...

so he doesn't wanna know

the score.

And he can't cover his own ears

'cause he's got lobster fingers, so I do it.

That's sweet.

- Hey, how'd it go last night?

- Fabulous.

Mr. Myerson wants to see you.

Oh, God. If one of the windows would open,

I would jump.

And your mom's on line one.

Hi, Mom. Hi. Listen, where are you?

Can I call you back?

What? You had a 10:00 a. m. flight.

- My Ben?

- Yes, he has been great.

He took us out to breakfast.

Right now he's washing your father's balls.

What?

- Here's one.

- Thanks, Ben.

He got us a 10:
00 a. m.

tee time at the country club.

How?

One of his student's fathers

has something to do with the sprinklers.

- Can I talk to him for a second?

- Oh, sure.

Benny? Lindsey.

Oh, thanks.

Hi, Linds.

Hey, what are you doing?

Took a sick day.

All right.

Well, I'll see you tonight then.

- All right. Bye-bye.

- Honey-

Uh, sweetheart,

don't talk in my backswing.

- Well, you were lined up wrong.

- I wasn't lined up, I-

Please, don't talk in my backswing.

You know better than that.

Just take a mulligan.

Lighten up.

- He's so short with me.

- I know. I know. But you know what?

- You talked in his backswing. Did you talk in his backswing?

- Yes, I did.

- Don't even look at him. Look this way. Let him swing.

- Okay.

Manny! Manny! Manny!

Oh.

She handled a project for a food

service company like yours a few months ago.

Gave them a model predicting

the impact of every possibility.

- Sounds like what I need.

- Morning.

You'll love her.

This lady is a dynamo.

Unstop... pable.

When she wakes up, I wanna see her.

Well, let's go for a coffee.

You know what's happening here?

You're being colonized.

- What?

- Colonized. It's like- It's like in the old days.

When the French and the English

would go into Asia and Africa...

and they'd raise their flags and they'd impose

their culture and they'd colonize.

It's like, Sarah, when you cut your hair off

because that guy liked short hair.

Wait a minute.

I mean, you guys are married.

Isn't that a part of it,

accommodating each other?

You know, how many kids

are we gonna have?

Where are we gonna live?

What pizza place are we gonna order from?

Doesn't it require

some pliability?

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