Fever Pitch Page #2

But it won't be this afternoon.

Joke. If you're an Arsenal fan,

you get used to jokes like that.

I will.

Who d'you think played best?

Dunno. But Sammels was rubbish.

I don't think so.

Crowd didn't understand

what he was trying to do.

They were on to him

before he'd done anything wrong.

- I disagree.

- Oh, you do?

One afternoon at football,

you're Kenneth Wolstenholme.

Who did YOU think

played the best?

Might make an Arsenal defence

of them yet, Robert.

Yes, sir.

Em, sir, you going

to Highbury next week?

- Nah.

- Oh.

'Course I'm going.

Want me to get you

a programme?

It's cash in advance.

I've been caught too many times.

No, it's not that.

Em...

could I come with you?

That'd be a bit difficult.

To be honest,

between you and me,

- I go to the pub first.

- I could wait outside.

I stand on the North Bank.

You wouldn't see.

- I'd go down the front.

- Your mum'd love that.

She says I have to go

with a responsible adult.

Saturday's the one

day of the week

when I'm NO a responsible adult.

I turn into someone your age.

Not as sensible.

She won't have to find out.

I'm sorry, Robert, I can't.

Well, not this week.

Maybe some other time, eh?

Next season when

you've grown a bit?

Get you a programme.

Cash in advance unnecessary,

on this occasion.

To hell with it,

you can have one for free.

Thanks, sir.

Bollocks!

BOLLOCKS!

Nothing to worry about.

His handwriting's a disgrace

to the human race

but he's very bright

and enjoys the lessons.

He does. He's always

goin' on about you.

It's my enthusiasm for

Steinbeck's prose style.

Either that or something else.

The football, you mean?

Robert thinks they might

win the championship

for the first time since 1970.

Gotta get things

like that right.

Absolutely.

Did he tell you what happened

after football training?

He asked me if I'd take him

to the Arsenal.

Mr Ashworth, I'm so sorry.

He just seemed uptight about it.

His dad and me are

recently separated.

It was his dad

he used to go with.

- You don't wanna take him?

- Don't know anything about it.

I very much doubt if he'd care.

I can tell you everything

you need to know

in about five minutes.

She seemed to enjoy

the Elizabethans

but when we moved on,

she slipped back.

She dropped four places.

Was it four? No, six.

Which I found

a little disappointing

though I'm not sure

that she did.

No. She's got her heart set

on a hairdresser's

apprenticeship.

Right.

Thanks very much, then.

You come out the tube station,

cross over the street

and in that entrance there,

you buy unreserved seats, 7.

My ex can pay.

- He's a Spurs fan, isn't he?

- Yeah.

I'd go for 12 seats.

Sting the bastard

for all you can get.

Thank you so much.

You've been really helpful.

Hello, Mr Johnson.

How are you?

Evening. Suppose you're feeling

pretty pleased with life.

# Are you ready to be...

heartbroken?

Oh, f*** it!

# Well, you better

get ready now, baby

Would you like a lift?

# Get ready to bleed

You don't know where I live.

Yes, I do. Crouch End.

It's on my way home.

'Don't forget, I'll be back

'with all the top

sports stories...

'But first of all... '

How about you?

Arsenal.

Inside the stadium

or just nearby?

'Number one,

'Abigail's Party,

You really are Mr Popular,

aren't you?

All those queues at your desk.

'.. Live commentary

'on three races

from that meeting. '

Sorry.

'And the main one at 3.45.

'Now the main sports stories. '

What were you talking to

Robert Parker's mother about?

'.. Suspended Arsenal's

Paul Davis... '

Sh*t! F***! Bollocks!

I'm sorry?

Paul Davis.

Who's Paul Davis?

Arsenal.

Were we talking about him?

'.. Signed a four-year

contract... '

Sorry. I wasn't listening.

'.. Olympic headlines

from Seoul,

'Linford Christie's

given the all-clear... '

- Arsenal.

- Yes, you said.

No, I was talking

to Robert Parker's mother

about Arsenal.

God!

I'm in the wrong job.

Well, I'm in the wrong life.

I spent hours preparing

for a parents' evening.

No one could think

of two words to say to me.

Yet they queue for hours

to hear your pearls of wisdom

on next week's game

against Wolves United!

Yeah...

Just Wolves. No United.

Look, I'm sorry.

It must seem unfair.

Yes, it does, actually.

It's the next left.

Maybe you're too

uptight with them.

Maybe you should just...

be yourself more.

All those files and folders

and what have you.

That IS me being myself.

It's just here.

D'you want a cup of coffee?

OK.

You don't have to.

No, no, no. I'd...

Yeah, I'd like to.

What are these for, then?

They're not for anything.

They just look nice.

Are they yours?

No.

Jo's. My flat-mate.

It's her place.

She's away at the moment.

Can I smoke?

No.

You can stay the night, though,

if you want.

Not on the carpet.

I can't afford it.

You might have

the decency to run.

Then we wouldn't

be doing it together.

Cocky cow.

It's just a fact. Look.

OK! OK!

I HATE you!

I owe you a new carpet.

Well, maybe a new spare bed.

You shagged

the football hooligan!

I knew it! I knew it!

He's not a football hooligan.

So he HAS read Byron?

He's bound to have done!

It doesn't really matter

if he hasn't.

Who'd have thought it, eh?

"Iron Knickers" Hughes

ending up with a yob.

He's not a yob

and I'm not ending up with him.

You wanna bet?

Where are you off to?

I'm starving.

I was thinking of ringing

for a pizza.

Have you read Byron?

What?

Have you read

any of Byron's poems?

Yeah.

"The Assyrian came down

like a wolf on the fold

"and his somethings

were gleaming

"in black and old gold. " Crap.

What are those?

My... Arsenal boxer shorts.

They're not my best ones.

I was running out.

But you're willing to show them

to another human being.

I wasn't exactly

showing them to you.

What d'you wanna know

about Byron for?

Um... a bet.

Did you win?

I don't think so.

Stay in line!

Right, now push up!

Out! Out!

That's it! Good lads.

Offside, referee!

Offside!

Ref!

Oi, ref, he was miles off.

It's not M Y fault.

Too good a coach for this level.

What's the score?

One-all.

If you count that POXY GOAL

they just scored.

What's this, Cup or League?

Cup, quarter-final.

- How long left?

- Fifteen.

I wanted to talk to you

about a vacancy.

Rosie Hunter's

handed in her notice.

I wondered whether you'd be

interested in applying.

Head of Year?

Um... well...

Obviously not the most

attractive offer

you've ever had.

Come on, Ben! Get back with him!

Sorry, Ted.

I haven't fired you

with enthusiasm.

It's a lot of work.

What do I wanna

do more work for?

More money?

I've got enough to pay my rent,

enough for my season ticket

and a couple of records a month.

Got no family.

I'd like you to think about it.

Sorry. There's nothing

to think about.

Come on, Sam! Put it away!

YES!

Why aren't adults

supposed to go mad

about anything?

You've got to keep a lid on it.

And if you don't,

then people

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