Fever Pitch Page #7

Maybe everyone

should want something

they've always wanted.

I don't know

what I've been thinking of.

How d'you mean?

We've both been pretending

that this is possible

and it's not, is it?

This wife and kids

and la-di-da life's great stuff.

It's not on, any of it, is it?

All it took was

one bad football result

and we're now back

to "life is sh*t

so what's the point?"

What IS the point?

I don't think

that Arsenal's home form

is a sturdy enough basis

for marriage and parenthood.

No.

Not even THIS season.

'.. Give him a surprise enema. '

'Sir Nigel?'

Hello?

'How are you?'

Oh, hi, Mum.

Yeah, just having a night in.

Yeah, I know. They were awful.

Yeah, yeah...

She's fine.

She... says hello.

Look, Mum, I've gotta go.

Supper's on the table.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Bye, Mum.

Mr Ashworth, the play

was supposed to start

five minutes ago.

We're waiting.

No good, Miss.

He's got the hump.

Have you had a row?

Shut up, Holly.

OK, everyone into the hall.

Quietly!

How did Arsenal

get on last night?

YOU have a look.

Ooh... sorry.

They drew two-two.

What does that mean?

Dunno. Apart from bad.

It means they have

to beat Liverpool away

to win the Championship.

Now, I've heard of Liverpool.

They're famous

for being good, aren't they?

Gary Lineker,

Peter Shilton, all that lot.

So Arsenal have no chance?

None whatsoever, it says here.

But do we really CARE that much?

Don't bounce it in here.

Miss Hughes.

Are you chewing?

No.

And finally, I probably

don't need to tell you

that the final

of the South Hertfordshire

Schools Cup Competition

takes place here

this afternoon at 4.30.

I'm sure you join me

in wishing Mr Ashworth

and the boys

the very best of luck.

Not that they'll need it.

I know that many of you

will be anxious to get home

to start your homework.

But... those who feel

they can spare the time,

and wish to lend

their vocal encouragement,

will be most welcome.

Thank you.

I think you stand

an extremely good chance...

How are we doing?

Losing one-nil.

Playing sh*t.

How long to go?

Almost finished.

Penalty!

Come on, somebody!

It's all down to you, Rob.

Good boy, Robert.

Rob!

You're useless!

Sorry, sir. You don't

need to say anything.

I wasn't gonna say anything.

I should never have taken it.

No one else had the guts.

Yeah, so I'm stupid

as well as useless.

Doesn't matter.

You've had a brilliant season.

It's not what I'm gonna

remember, though, is it?

Anyway...

Winning this afternoon

and Arsenal winning

tomorrow night...

- What would you go for?

- Tomorrow night, of course.

There you go, then.

What? You're telling me

Arsenal are gonna win

two-nil at Anfield.

Can't promise, can I?

There's a chance.

You've done your bit.

Missed a penalty.

If that's what it takes,

it's worth it.

Yeah, 'course.

# What can I say?

# She's walking away

# From what we've seen

# What can I do?

# Still loving you

# It's all a dream

# How can we hang on

to dreams?

# How can it really be

# The way it seems?

# What can I do?

# She's saying we're through

# With how it was

# What will I try?

# I still don't see why

# She says what she does

# How can we hang on

to dreams?

# How can it really be

# The way it seems? #

Good luck, sir.

You've got nothing

to worry about.

No chance.

Hope you get stuffed, sir.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

Off to watch the big match?

Yeah.

I just came

to wish you good luck.

Thanks.

The boys in my GCSE set

were trying to explain it to me.

You have to win two-nil, right?

- Yeah.

- It's possible, isn't it?

You've got no chance, sir.

Shut up!

Is it right you've

handed in your notice?

Yeah. I need more money.

Child support.

We could've managed.

Between us.

It'd be a bit awkward,

working in the next room

to the absent father

of your child.

Maybe.

Well, I'll be

thinking of you tonight.

Are you gonna watch?

I'm not sure.

My fifth-formers are having

and end-of-school party

and I've been invited.

But I'll try.

It doesn't matter.

It's only a stupid game.

'The teams occupying

'first and second place

in the Championship.

'The last match of the season

'for the League Championship.

'The Anfield roar welcoming

and intimidating

'as we join our commentary team

'of David Pleat and Brian Moore.

'Thank you, Elton.

'Good evening, everybody.

'Arsenal on the pitch...

'with bouquets of flowers.

'Which I think are... '

We should be there.

You were the one who said

it wasn't worth the hassle.

I didn't know

it'd be the title decider.

Anyway, imagine all those

Scousers celebrating.

I'd rather be down here

with my own people.

.. Person.

Thank you.

Oh, sorry.

# She's gone away,

# I don't know where

# Somewhere

I can't follow her... #

Thought you were

a football fan, Duncan.

That's why I can't

stand Arsenal.

- Sounds like an old joke.

- No joke.

- William?

- Hate football. And Arsenal.

Don't you wanna know

how they're getting on?

- No.

- Go on, I bet you do.

We wouldn't mind.

Mind if Miss Hughes

sticks the TV on?

She wants the football scores.

- I don't, really.

- Not much.

I wonder why. If you must,

but just to find out the score.

OK.

Still nil-nil, first half.

'Into that crowd it goes. '

There he is -

my mate, Mickey Thomas.

Shut up, Mum. He's useless.

I like him.

Shows what YOU know.

'They out-played them

'for most of the

Littlewoods Cup tie... '

Miracle of modern technology.

But it hasn't got

an aerial or nothing.

It doesn't need one.

'Positive charge by Adams

'but it falls to Whelan. '

Oh, hello, love.

I was wondering

who'd dare ring tonight.

'Arsenal have some

very big chaps... '

Your brother'll have

the phone off the hook.

'It'd be dangerous

to give away... '

No score. No, not really.

They don't look like they're

gonna let one in either.

Hold on.

'.. Tangling with Whelan.

'Michael Thomas

getting to the byline.

'Danger for Liverpool. '

Oh!

- No!

- Ah!

That was it.

That was our chance.

No, there'll be others.

You reckon? I don't.

'Arsenal within a whisker

'of getting the goal they wanted

'early in this game. '

Let's go out.

.. You're kidding.

No, let's go and get hammered.

Forget all about it.

I'm watching till the end.

Can't do that. Sorry.

'Just imagine the tension

'if Arsenal do manage

to snatch a goal. '

Sit down.

There's no point!

I'm off in a minute.

I'll just... stay till half-time.

'Everyone's looking

very closely at him.

'He's beginning to get

the mood of this game... '

I'll just see what

they've got to say.

Doin' OK, aren't we?

What's the use of OK?

Might as well

be losing eight-nil.

If you want to win

a game two-nil,

you've got more chance

if it's nil-nil at half-time

than if you're

eight goals down.

You're living

in cloud cuckoo land!

Join the real world!

In the real world,

it's nil-nil at half time!

Might as well be eight-nil.

Jesus, Paul,

you need medical help.

You've got some kind of disease

that turns people

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