Fever Pitch Page #6

Thanks, Ted.

Ted... I'm not planning

to make a habit of this

if that's what

you're worried about.

It's something out

of the ordinary for me.

Just be prepared, OK?

School Governors

can be a funny lot.

'.. Still Middlesborough nil,

'Arsenal nil... '

You're kidding. No way.

Can't afford anywhere else.

N5's not the only place

in the world, you know.

Sarah, you know

that's not true.

You hardly

hear anything, most games.

How often do they play?

Once a month.

- Something like that.

- Right.

Do they leave much mess?

No. Shall I leave you

to look around?

Thanks, yeah.

What does it matter

how close to the ground you live

as long as you can

come to the games?

When I was a kid,

I read this...

story about what used

to happen round here

on Cup Final days

if Arsenal were playing.

They'd have this procession.

The women and kids

dressed up in fancy dress

and led the men going

to Wembley to the station.

I lived in Maidenhead.

- What did we have there?

- Money, decent schools,

holidays abroad, enough food.

Yeah. You're right, yeah.

I was lucky.

But I was rootless, too.

I didn't have

anything like that.

Nothing I could be proud of,

nothing I can look back on

and feel sentimental about

except telly programmes

and pop music.

But it's different here.

Anyway... it's close to the tube.

It's 50 minutes

from the West End.

It's not far from school.

I'm not prepared

to indulge your fantasies.

The best thing for you

would be to get further away,

not a few yards nearer.

- It doesn't feel like that.

- Tough.

Is there a problem?

- No.

- No!

It's a lovely house. Really.

It's just the view.

'So George Graham... '

Tell me again what was wrong

with that place in...

Creighton Avenue.

The one with the garden.

'Despite all their control,

Arsenal... '

I'm talking to myself.

Somewhere a bit

further north, anyway.

Bounds Green?

'John Lukic prepares

to play it downfield... '

Watford?

'.. Into the

Middlesborough half... '

How about Darlington?

There's a team there.

'Goal!'

YES! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Helsinki. Helsinki United

are really good this season.

One Martin Hayes!

There's only one Martin Hayes!

One Martin...

So, Paul...

Confident?

Sorry, not about the job.

About what's going on

down the road.

Arsenal. My boy tells me

you're a fan.

Oh, right.

Well, er... so far, so good.

Season ticket holder?

Yes.

Whereabouts?

Er, North Bank.

Right, shall we, um...?

Who d'you think we should sign?

Think we need a new striker?

Er...

I'm delighted

we didn't get Kerry Dixon.

Ray... Ray, I think

we should, um...

Oh, sorry, Ted.

Once you get going,

it's hard to stop.

We know all about

your teaching abilities.

What extra-mural activites

are you involved in?

Paul's just coached

the Under-14s to the Cup Final.

My Nigel thinks

you should be England Manager.

Might be a more suitable

position than Head of Year.

I did the school play

last summer and...

Who've we got in the final?

Parkside?

Are they any good?

Pretty good.

And I've been very much involved

in the pastoral side of things

as a form teacher.

And we understand that, um,

you're an expectant father.

Um... yes.

That's one

of the extra-mural activities

you forgot to mention, Paul.

Chatting up

other members of staff.

MORE than chatting them up.

You've got good taste,

I'll give you that.

'As we reach the final Saturday

'of the League season,

'we're not sure of the destiny

of the League title.

'Arsenal are favourites... '

'Both sides must keep winning.

'Defeat for Liverpool

at Wimbledon this afternoon

'and a win for Arsenal

against Derby... '

Hello? Oh, hello, Ted.

'.. when they meet Wimbledon. '

No, just watching

Saint and Greavesie.

Yeah, home to Derby.

'.. At Anfield... '

Thank you.

'.. On May the 26th. '

Oh... Oh, right.

I wasn't really

expecting it, to be honest.

It didn't go

brilliantly, did it?

Oh, is she?

Well, no...

I think she'd make

a very good Head of Year.

Yeah.

Look, thanks...

Thanks for letting me know.

No, I'd have swapped it

for three points

this afternoon anyway.

Cheers, Ted.

When was the last time

you felt this nervous

about a League game?

I dunno.

1971, I should think.

Two home wins, could be

Champions Tuesday night.

Imagine.

What we gonna do?

Drink, I expect.

Can't think about it

in bed at night

otherwise I can't sleep.

Champions!

Take back everything

you said about me.

I will. Tuesday night.

This is the worst

day of my life.

18 f***ing years

and they blow it

on the last weekend

of the season.

Come on, Paul,

it's only half-time.

It's only one-nil.

Doesn't matter.

They've blown it.

Knew they would, didn't I?

Useless bastards!

I am sorry.

Yeah, thanks.

How are you feeling?

Sick.

I just wasn't expecting it,

not today, anyway.

They had to tell you some time.

Tell me what?

What have we been talking about?

What have YOU

been talking about?

The job!

The job?!

You think I'd be this upset

about a stupid,

poxy job interview?

We lost at home to Derby today.

We've blown it!

When are you gonna

wake up to yourself?

Wake up to myself?

I AM bloody awake!

I wish I wasn't.

I want to go to sleep

for the next ten seasons.

Seasons. I am sick to death

of hearing about bloody seasons!

We live our lives

in years, Paul.

January through to December.

Not all of us.

Yes, all of us. Even you.

Do you understand

what today meant?

You know how long I've

been waiting for this?

Yes, I do. 18 years.

Yeah, 18 years!

I've wanted Arsenal

to win the League

longer than I've

wanted anything.

I've been after

that Head of Year job

for about two weeks.

You think I'd care

about that more?

No, you care more about one team

scoring more than another.

You thought I came

to comfort you about that?

For a moment, yeah.

I credited you with imagination.

Thought you might understand.

It's only a game.

DON'T SAY THAT!

Please! That is the worst,

most stupid thing

anyone could say!

It quite clearly

isn't only a game.

If it was, d'you honestly

think I'd care this much?

Eh?

18 years!

18... years!

D'you know what you wanted

18 years ago?

Or ten? Or five?

Did you wanna be Head of Year

at a North London comprehensive?

I doubt if you've wanted

anything for that long.

And if you had,

and if you'd spent three months

thinking that finally

you were gonna get it

and just when

you think it's there,

it's taken away from you!

I don't care what it is -

a car, a job, an Oscar.

The baby.

Then you'd understand

how I was feeling tonight.

But there isn't

and you don't, so...

So what? So... f*** off?

Go home? Leave you alone?

Whatever.

There isn't anything

I've wanted for 18 years

because I was a kid

If I did still want the same

things, I'd have gone wrong.

I don't want

to marry David Cassidy,

have bigger tits,

do well in my mock 'O's.

I've stopped worrying

about all that.

Maybe there's a big bit

of you that's gone missing.

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