Fierce Creatures Page #7

have to close the zoo down.

What?

I can make a lot of money if I sell it

to the Japanese as a golf course.

- But Dad, I'm--

- Shut up.

And don't mention it to Willa yet.

Come on. Let's eat. I'm starving.

- Hello, Mr. McCain.

- Hello, Willa.

- Am I early?

- You're just in time. How's business?

- So great. I have so much--

- Good, let's eat.

- Do I look all right?

- Great, yeah. Never better.

- How'd it go?

- Really well. Let's go.

- Is that blood?

- Yeah, spider bite.

Come on. Let's go.

Terry? Terry!

There you are.

Terry-erries!

- Got him!

- Her bag!

Never again.

Not at my age.

Hello.

Hello.

What are you doing?

- Well, to cut a long story short--

- No, give me the long version.

Oh, right.

Well, I took the room next door--

just for the evening--

and just now I noticed that...

the interconnecting door wasn't locked,

so I strolled in out of curiosity.

You took the room next door?

- Yes, I wanted to...

-Just for the evening?

listen to some music!

Good news.

Customer pull-through--

way, way, way up!

And the feedback

has been sensational.

And I want to thank you

all personally for...

the enthusiasm you've shown vis-a-vis

our latest, new, innovative initiative.

You look fantastic!

You're no longer a bunch

of smelly old animal keepers!

No. As of today, you are official...

theme-zoo visitation

enhancement facilitators.

Now for the really big news.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen,

the coup de zoo.

If you'll just look this way.

- Look! A panda! How did you get it?

- It wasn't easy.

- It's beautiful. Look.

- Don't!

- Don't! Stop!

- It's a dangerous animal!

Stay away!

Back! Go on!

Get out, get out,

get out, get out!

You diabolical bastard!

You can't put an

animatronic animal in a zoo!

- Why not?

- It's not real!

So what?

It gave you a thrill.

People come from

all over the world...

who have never seen a panda

in their whole miserable life.

It's not a real thrill, is it?

It's artificial!

Having pandas in England

is artificial, for God's sake!

What do you want me to do? Put everyone

on a plane and fly them to Africa?

Africa?

- They come from China.

- Not this baby.

This was handmade in Belgium.

I don't want some cheap Chinese panda.

What's the matter?

What is wrong with you people?

I can't stand

all this negativity!

- Why aren't you pleased?

- Go home!

What does it take to get

appreciated around here?

This is a hit zoo, thanks to me!

People come here to feel

their connection with nature.

You don't get that

with electric pandas.

We're just giving them

what they want!

What about the quality

of the experience?

No, Rod says quality

has never worked for him.

Right! Everything he touches

gets tackier.

- That's the price of success.

- Vince!

I had an extraordinary

experience yesterday.

What sort of experience?

- With him.

- With him?

A sort of contact.

What?

- You couldn't understand, could you?

- Wait! Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

I think I do!

I don't turn you on anymore because

you've got the hots for a gorilla!

It's not sexual.

He's clearly more attractive

than I am, isn't he? Yes!

But let me ask you something.

How much does he earn?

How much does Mr. Gorilla

take home at the end of the week?

Not a lot!

A couple of bananas!

You know how much I'm worth?

Do you have any idea how much money...

I have made since I've been

at this stinking zoo?

1 .2 million dollars!

- Yeah! Think about it!

- What are you talking about?

I've made nearly 800,000

in sponsorship deals in cash...

plus consultancy fees,

plus commission on animal futures.

You've been stealing?

No matter what I do or what I wear,

I can never impress you.

- You're just like my father!

- This is going to close the zoo.

So what?

You and me, we walk away

with two million dollars.

The place closes. What a shame.

The Japs buy it--

Fore! '' Hore'' in one!

You know what you are?

You're pronoid.

'' Pronoid?''

It means that contrary to all

the available evidence...

you actually think

that people like you.

Your perception of life is that it's one

long benefit dinner in your honour...

with everybody cheering you on

and wanting you to win everything.

You think you're

the prince, Vince.

Well, let me tell you something.

You will put back every last cent...

into that zoo account

by 1 0:
00 tomorrow morning...

or I am gonna call your daddy...

and tell on you.

Hello.

Ready for dinner?

Fine, let's leave it.

Perhaps I should explain why I didn't

have any trousers on last night.

- It doesn't matter.

- No, right.

But you're wondering why the girls

didn't have any kit on either?

Look, I'm sorry, I--

I don't know what I've done

to upset you.

It's not you, Rollo.

I love this zoo.

I love zoo too.

The-- The zoo too.

It's all going wrong.

And now Vince has been stealing.

- Stealing?

- Yeah, and if McCain finds out...

I don't know what he's gonna do.

Okay, look. Let's find out

how obvious it is to Atlanta, all right?

First we'll see if the bank

reconciliation figures...

and the cash flow tie up.

Then we'll--

Thank you.

You know about this stuff?

I was in the police for 20 years.

It's not just hitting people on the head

with d*cks-- Sticks! Sticks.

Sorry.

Damn.

You see, it is pretty obvious to--

It is pretty obvious

if they know what they're--

Willa!

I'm putting the money back...

but only because

I have feelings fory--

Oh, Rollo, not again!

How do you do it? I'm gonna call

the zoo vet and get you fixed.

Get the bimbo

out of Miss Weston's office.

I can understand the gorilla,

but not Mr. Disgusting.

- Vince!

- What is it? He drugged you?

Do you owe him money?

Was it a dare? What?

He's very attractive.

Attractive?

Attractive? How can you touch him?

Look at that suit!

The suit comes off.

I just got an image of that!

You must be desperate!

- Don't speak to her like that.

- '' Don't speak to her like that!''

Oh, engaged already, are we? You broke

up with that lemur pretty quick.

Whose heart are you gonna break

next week? Some warthog's?

- Where are you going?

- I'm out of here.

- Leave me the money.

- I think not.

- Vince, it's not yours!

- It is too!

I stole it while you were two-timing me

with the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

I wasn't even one-timing you.

- We never had a relationship.

- You were in love with me.

- Oh, please!

- You just can't admit it, can you?

You better hand that back

if you know what's best for you.

What century are you from?

Paisley!

Are you insane?

I mean, what is the attraction?

Well, for one thing,

he likes animals.

- He doesn't just like 'em. He f--

- Miss Weston...

finds them very attractive.

Do you mind? We're trying

to have a board meeting here.

We've been delegated by an emergency

meeting of the Keepers Committee.

What emergency?

Last night Rod McCain said

he might turn us into a golf course.

- He did not!

- Yes, he did.

- I was in the cupboard listening.

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