Fierce People Page #3

Osborne invited me here

to meet a fat cat...

who bought a scholarship

to Princeton.

What's your excuse?

I'm an anthropologist doing

a study of primitive peoples.

You definitely picked

one twisted tribe.

I'm here.

You got any questions?

Yeah. Who's the guy

with the woman in the crown?

Oh, yeah. Gershons.

Hawaiian royalty.

The husband pulled strings

for Osborne over on Wall Street.

Hawaiians?

Why don't any of the Hawaiians here

look Hawaiian?

It's a**hole code for people

of the Jewish persuasion.

The natives don't want anybody

to know that they're anti-Semitic.

My age ended my position in life.

It warms my heart...

to see you all so...

- Grandpa?

- Daddy?

- Daddy!

- Sh*t.

I just wanted to see

if you'd miss me.

I really hurt my knees.

Herbert, my hat.

Maestro, if you please.

A pretty girl is like a melody

That haunts you night and day

Just like the strain

of a haunting refrain

She'll start up on a marathon

And run around your brain

You can't escape

She's in your memory

By morning, night and noon

She will leave you...

...and then come back again...

A pretty girl

is just like a pretty tune

Happy birthday, Maya.

Finn!

Finn!

- They were horrible

to you, right? - No.

Sexy liar.

I didn't know the Ishkanani

went for public displays of affection.

Maya, when did you start

dating the help?

For your information, Finn's mother

and my grandfather are old friends.

Paige, can you help me with this?

I can't seem to get it right.

- Bryce, you're not wearing

underwear! - I know!

It looks like a penis, only larger.

- Paige?

- Here comes my mother.

Hold this. Hi, Mommy.

Pay attention, Finn. There's gonna be

a quiz on this afterwards.

- Mom, spare us.

- Your mother is teaching Yoga...

to Happy Rockefeller. The stepson

was eaten by cannibals.

McCallum is over there.

- Ian and Dwayne look like relatives.

- That's very observant, Finn.

They're not the only ones of our tribe

with hair the color of cheese doodles.

- There's Pete, the bartender.

- Bryce...

Thank you, Jenny.

Take Jenny.

All their mothers were maids.

They used to call him

"Maid To Order McCallum".

Why would any maid

want to sleep with McCallum?

Not all of them did.

McCallum doped up Dwayne's mother

and dead-horsed her.

That's just vulgar.

I'm getting tired.

Not too many of those, Pilar.

Good night.

Herbert.

We can smoke.

Were you one of the doctors who worked

on my father at Sloan Kettering?

We both know I'm not a doctor.

I thought as much.

So how long exactly have you

been friends with my father?

You should ask him that.

If my father answered my questions,

then I wouldn't have to ask you.

Liz...

Hi.

I'll leave you to it.

I wanted to wait before this

next song to ask you to dance.

- You don't wanna do that.

- It's just a sip.

It's more vodka than Cola.

We let Pilar think we don't know.

So much for the slow dance.

- Let's cut a rug.

- All right.

Ready?

- Here we go.

- My God.

- Downshift to second!

- What the hell do you mean?

You gotta spend the night!

Mr. Osborne wants you at his house

for lunch tomorrow...

one o'clock sharp. Don't be late.

Finn Earl, sir.

Hi.

Hi.

You know, I hear a lot of rumors...

and innuendo

about your mother and me.

The only innuendo I know

is that you're nailing my mom.

Nailing your mom?

Don't you ever use that expression

in reference to your mother, you hear?

Your mother and I...

we're just friends.

What?

You bring us out here,

you give us a house...

but there's nothing between you?

Why should I believe you?

Sit down.

Sit down!

What are you doing?

Take a good look, sonny.

You're only gonna get to see it once.

You don't have any balls.

Precisely.

Surgical procedure

is called an orchiectomy.

The theory being that

if they cut off your balls...

it'll slow down your cancer.

My prostate...

You know what a prostate is, right?

It's a little thing, it's up your ass.

Mine, unfortunately,

was the size of a baseball.

I was in a coma.

My then wife gave them

the green light.

When I met your mother...

I was a eunuch.

You know what a eunuch is, don't you?

Well, if that doesn't satisfy you,

you can get the hell out of my house.

On the other hand, if it does,

we could have lunch. Your choice.

- Lunch.

- Good choice.

Herbert!

When they cut your balls off...

you'd expect your voice

to go up an octave.

But mine didn't.

I'm not trying to be a wiseass...

but why are you and my mother

such good friends?

Wiseass.

I didn't meet your mother

until a year ago.

The surgeons had just performed...

their dastardly deed on me.

I was pretty down.

- Hello. - And your mother

walked into my room.

Hi.

She was like an angel.

I dropped my cartridge.

I tell you what...

if you still wanna pull the trigger

after I give you a foot rub...

I'll give you your bullet.

Okay?

She saved my life.

Here. You're gonna need this.

It's a toothpick. Gold.

Gold toothpick?

"Dear dad, today I met the chief.

It's weird how wrong

you can get things in your head. "

Good morning, sir.

No, hold on a second.

Not like that.

That lower down the shaft.

Take this. Couple them together.

- Over?

- Wait a second.

Stand still.

What are you doing?

Imagining what it would've been like

to have been with you.

- How was it?

- It's not over yet.

I almost forgot, I've gotta move

our one o'clock to four.

That doesn't work for me.

Dick has invited me

to the golf luncheon.

The golf luncheon.

And that's important, isn't it?

Well, it is important to me.

I don't pay you to go to

golf luncheons with Dr. Dick.

I'm going whether you like it or not.

I'll have a severance check

dropped off for you this afternoon.

And thank you

for f***ing up my game!

Sh*t.

Don't do this to me.

How can someone

so exquisitely beautiful...

so intelligent...

and so complicated as you are...

get sucked in by a scared,

suburban phony like Dick Leffler?

I'm really trying...

to take my life seriously.

Okay.

Look...

you take the next two weeks off...

and you two lovebirds can have

my place in East Hampton.

Really?

Thank you! Thank you.

Just remember, this place isn't

as goddamn fabulous as it looks.

You ever notice the resemblance

between your grandfather and Finn?

If I thought Finn was one

of grandpa's bastards...

I wouldn't let him sleep

with my sister, would I?

Fortune time!

- What are you doing? It's my deal.

- Relax. Enjoy the show.

You're not going to do something

that I'm gonna regret, are you?

This is going to be fun.

- It's gonna be fun for everyone.

- It's never fun.

- No, Bryce.

- Last time he did this, people cried.

- You got me fired once this summer.

- You'll like this.

For Marcus Gates I predict...

in 20 years time,

you'll be senator...

from the great state of New Jersey.

- Bravo, Marcus.

- Senator Gates.

Well done.

What, we don't rate

a fortune of our own?

No, you both inherit

from the same trust.

See, they're cousins. Coal mine.

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