Filth Page #5

- But I don't know the guy, Ray.

Well, he seems to know you.

You wrote that f***ing shite

on the toilet wall, didn't you?

Did I f***! Probably one of

your f***ing boyfriends.

You disgust me.

Get your face off my cock!

Get off me, you f***ing cocksucker!

Don't even think about

defending Gillman.

Well, I'm gonna have to consider

my position on that one, Bob.

Bruce, things are bloody difficult for me at

the moment with this murder case nuisance.

On top of that, not only is there

a latent Nazi racist homophobe

but a bloody jessie boy in the hat

for the inspector's post.

Now, listen, are you referring to

Brother Inglis here? Cos if you are...

How can we have someone of his

disposition leading fellow officers?

Policy or no bloody policy,

I won't pretend I don't find the idea

of two men doing it to each other...

totally disgusting.

But that's by the way.

I still don't see what

that's got to do...

Oh, come on, Bruce.

How can you have confidence in a man who is

constantly undressing you with his eyes,

masturbating over images of you?

It'd just be a compromise.

Surely that's a bit caveman, Bob.

In some parts of the country the force

even advertise in the gay press now.

This isn't some parts

of the country.

This is Scotland, by Christ!

Me and Bruce play these

break-up/make-up games,

but it only makes our

hearts grow fonder.

In a sense we're always together,

because nothing...

Space, time, or distance,

can break our delicious communion.

- Here are your drinks, sir.

- Merci, Frulein, merci.

But heterosexual anal sex

need not imply an attitude of misogyny.

I read in one of Bunty's magazines that 20%

of heterosexual couples enjoy anal sex

- while only 50% of homosexual couples do.

- Whoa, ho, ho.

What, are you saying that half the

f***ing poofs walking about down there

don't actually do each other

up the f***ing arsehole?

Bruce, I was only telling you

what the article said.

Aye, and I'll tell you something else

about all that f***ing rap music, man.

It's all f***ing bullshit cos I

read this article, proper, medical.

It says that white women, right,

are 10 times more likely

to give blowj*bs than black women.

So where does that leave them?

Up the f***ing spout without a

blowj*b, that's where, pal.

Well, unless it's the white women

who they're referring to

who are actually

performing the fellatio.

Let me tell you something, Bladesey.

Only a white bird who was not

right in the f***ing head

would even think about

going with one of them.

It wasn't even a

country until 1865.

Fish market, the actor Hans Albers

and FC St Pauli football club.

Get into the f***ing index

and look up f***ing "fanny".

The Reeperbahn, the

red light district.

Need to take a picture

of what a c*nt looks like.

Can you put that in a bottle?

No. Don't touch it, Bruce.

You're not allowed to.

You've got to be able to

touch f***ing history.

No, you can't, Bruce.

Bruce!

Bruce! Bruce!

Bruce!

Is this a real prostitute?

Arschficken, me and her. 50?

- Arschficken. 50.

- Thanks very much.

Right, Brunhilde.

- My name's Clifford.

- Bladesey, don't go bareback.

I'm a Gemini.

Can I just have a glass of water?

Not at all. I've got something else

in mind for you.

Here, here, here, here, here.

Look at these two. Look at these two.

F***ing bufties. Disgusting.

Absolutely f***ing...

disgusting.

I've never seen the

attraction of it myself.

Cheers, pal.

Cheers.

Bladesey, just take your coat off.

You're overheating, man. Just f***ing...

Bladesey, I...

I need you to f***ing calm yourself.

You're really messing with my f***ing trip.

Calm your...

F***ing calm yourself, man.

Calm yourself. F*** off...

You're on your f***ing own, Bladesey.

F*** off!

Get your f***ing hands off me!

Piss off!

Carole.

Carole.

No. Where's Stacey?

Where's Stacey? Where's Stacey?

Hello?

Do you know what time it is, Bruce?

Get into work right now.

Right... Right, I'll be

in in, say, 25 minutes.

You wanted to...

see me?

Take a seat.

As you obviously know, Bruce,

Amanda took a lead role in the murder

investigation in your absence.

I have decided after some deliberation

that this should remain the case.

You have got to be f***ing joking me!

- I beg your pardon?

- Are you deaf?

I expect you to give her

your full co-operation.

Since you've been away the media

have taken an interest again.

Press relations is exactly the kind of

area that Amanda here is strong in.

Amanda, can you please brief Bruce

on the latest developments?

Yes, Bob.

Gus has already filled me in,

so there's really no need.

Gus isn't on the ball, Bruce!

OK, then, Mandy, fire away.

We're going to have to bring in

Gorman for questioning.

Not so sure that's a

good idea there, Mandy.

You see, he's a hardened criminal and with

a lawyer like Conrad Donaldson behind him

could go either way.

Nice cycling trip, Bruce?

Enough with the idle banter.

Shall we crack on with the case?

Maybe start by finding this blonde

witness you forgot to tell us about.

These are crafty bastards we're

dealing with. We need hard evidence.

I'll just go and get some, eh?

- Bruce, can I have a word?

- Course you can, sweetheart.

Do you have to refer to me

in that condescending way?

Mandy, you're taking

this far too seriously.

My name is Amanda.

You think you've got a chance of getting

this f***ing promotion, don't you?

Bruce.

- Someone here to see you.

- Maybe in a wee min...

We'll continue this later.

Maybe a wee bit of

privacy, eh, Peter?

I came last week,

but they told me you were on holiday.

I wanted to thank you personally

for everything you did for Colin.

Aye. Aye, well, I just wish

I could have done more to help him.

This is the man who tried

to save your daddy.

He helped when the others

just stood back and watched.

He's a fine man, son.

I'd like you to be like

him when you grow up.

They said it was

your favourite team's colours so...

I knitted it especially.

I just wanted to say...

Merry Christmas.

Say bye to the detective, Euan.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye-bye, pal.

Here, here, here... Don't...

Don't go. Um... Just...

This is...

This is just my...

It's my home telephone number.

And my home address.

In case you ever need any help.

For anything.

Thanks.

Do you know what

Drummond says to me?

She tells me that we've got

to bring in Gorman for questioning.

I just laughed in her face

and then I f***ed off.

- What do you think of that?

- Aye, nice job, mate.

- Aye.

- Yeah.

These young ones, Ray.

These f***ing young ones!

I'll get the drinks in.

Listen, Robbo, I've got

something to tell you.

I don't want you getting the wrong idea and

this is why I'm letting you know first.

Listen, I really want to get on

in the department, right,

but I've not got

enough experience, though, eh?

I don't know, Ray.

All depends on how good

you are, doesn't it?

I mean, I even thought about

applying for the inspector's job.

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