Finding Joy

---

( CLEARS THROAT )

"The sneaky thing called death

swooped in that year,

"Ambushing my mostly

unremarkable family,

Freezing us like statues

in a strong wind."

"In most cases,

defrosting can take

"An inordinately long

period of time,

If it happens at all..."

I'm... I'm sure that you

lovely ladies

Have read this many times,

So why don't we just

skip right ahead

To the Q&A session?

Yes.

Is this the spot

for the number 24 bus?

Uh...

( SIGHS )

Mike!

What?

The code is not cooperating,

and my belongings

Seem to have walked

themselves to the street.

Your mooching days

are over, Kyle.

I apologized.

It was a hideous rug

to begin with.

My mother crocheted that rug.

Where am I supposed

to finish my book?

All right.

Tony...

it's Kyle.

Kyle Livingston.

Uh, I-Listen,

I need a place

To lay my laptop

for a few nights,

And I was wondering if you...

I'd absolutely do this for you.

Are you kidding?

Tony? Tony?

Gabe! Hi!

I was wondering if I might

be able to couch-Crash...

your grandmother came on to me.

It's not my fault that

she finds me very attractive.

- So, can I stay?

- Pete!

- Amanda!

- Mr. Dowling!

Why?

Go home.

Why didn't I think of that.

Call me Ishmael.

Call me Kyle.

It was the best of times,

it was the worst of...

dude, you can't plant your

ass in the floor like that.

Yeah, well, this is

where my mailbox is.

You're basically standing in

my living room right now.

I'm... ( MUTTERING )

Just... first sentence.

First sentence.

( INDISTINCT COMMENT )

( PRIMAL SCREAM )

( SNORING )

Wait! Hey!

Hey, uh...

excuse me.

( REVVING ENGINE )

( SPEED DIALING )

( TELEPHONE RINGS )

Hi, Marshall.

No, I'm not dead,

But that's hilarious,

by the way.

Uh, listen...

I'm, uh, coming home

To, uh, finish

another book. Ahem.

In only have ten more days,

so I really need my room.

Uh... tell dad

to holster his shotgun.

( LIGHT CHUCKLE )

No, I know he doesn't

actually own a gun.

It's a metaphor for gun...

Never mind. Never mind.

Okay. Okay, bye.

( SIGHS )

( AUDIBLY STRUGGLING )

( SIGHS )

All right, honey,

I'll see you later!

Whoa!

Aah! Hell's bell bottoms!

Oh, Kyle, baby, I been waitin'

to meet you for years!

Come over here.

I'm Gloria.

I'm your dad's big squeeze.

You can touch these puppies.

I just had them done.

Are they gorgeous? Wow.

Oh, wow. That's um...

Gloria!

Yeah?

He's my...

it's weird.

And not in a good way.

Go on, go to work.

All right, I'm off to work.

You boys, you play nice now.

# anchors away, my boys #

# anchors away

( GLORIA HUMMING )

Hey.

( SNIFFS )

I see you, um,

went over to the...

canine side.

Thought you were

a cat lover for life.

I can't stand dogs.

You gotta walk 'em.

They're giving away

free trips to Hawaii

If you get enough

of these labels,

And Gloria got it in her mind

That we're gonna

go there one day.

Looks like you've already been,

With that winning

George Hamil-Tan.

I'm in this, uh, clinical trial

For this E. D...

Erectile dysfunction...

Drug, and one of

the side effects is, uh...

Is the tan. It's a bonus.

Yay for the side effects.

Hi, mom.

You look a little dusty.

I mean the urn.

( SIGHS )

( PLAYFUL ROAR )

Ohh! Ohh!

What is going on?

Please stop. Please stop.

Marshall. Marshall.

( LAUGHING )

My room?

Technically,

it's still your room.

Dad... expanded it.

Oh.

( WATER FLOWS )

It's awesome, right?

For Vegas.

Where is my desk?

Where is my chair?

I spent thousands of hours

molding that chair

With my butt!

Your stupid chair's

downstairs in the den.

He sold your desk, though.

You better get your, uh,

chair-Molded butt

Downstairs in about an hour.

Patsy's making dinner.

( BELL DINGS )

So, how was everyone's day?

Marshall's was super long.

I'm the number two

telemarketer in the county.

Sometimes I gotta work late.

Yeah, you're really

out there saving lives.

You must be exhausted.

Do you want to buy a house?

Hm? Or do you want

to live here

The rest of your life?

Oh, god, have mercy.

You can stay, though.

Thanks, grandpa.

Are you a hungry man, Kyle?

I made you one, just in case.

Thank you.

I'll be having my dinner

in my room.

Hey, uncle Kyle.

Hey...

Mel.

I know.

If anybody needs

to use the bathroom,

Either hold it in

or find a bucket.

You can get urinary tract

infections doing that.

Oh. Well, maybe somebody

should have thought about

The medical consequences

before they turned my bedroom

Into a filthy bathroom.

Do I need to get a signed

petition, you know,

To upgrade my house?

MEL:
Mnh-Mnh.

PATSY:
Mnh-Mnh.

( OBJECT CLATTERS )

Sh*t!

Daaahhh!

( OBJECT CLATTERS )

Ohh.

"Smile. Things may

get worse more slowly."

( PATSY MAKES

INDISTINCT REMARK )

MARSHALL:
What do you

want me to say? Huh?

It's our busy season.

PATSY:
In march?

A lot of people like to get a

jump on their holiday shopping.

Oh.

They tell me that you

left early again today.

You can't keep calling

my work, pat!

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, do you work

with the tramp, Marshall?

I work with a lot of tramps.

Oh, my god.

It doesn't mean I'm

diddlin' 'em! Jesus!

My name is tattooed

on your hairy cheek,

Not some ho!

Who is she, Marshall?

( LAUGHING ) You think I'm

some huge stud, is that it?

Look at me. Look at me.

I'm a mutt. Well, you're my

mutt, and don't you forget it!

I think he just came

back to torment me.

That is just silly putty!

Kyle is so sweet. Why don't

you just try talking to him?

Would you please leave him

out of our sex nest, please?

Okay. I just want you

to be a happy camper again.

Yeah, I will be if you'll

stop your yapping!

( GLORIA LAUGHING )

( RHYTHMIC POUNDING;

GLORIA MOANING )

( ALAN AND GLORIA MOANING )

( HIP-HOP MUSIC

PLAYING VERY LOUDLY )

( TURNS VOLUME DOWN )

ALAN:
Ankh! Leave it!

Uh...

Gloria!

Yeah?

Would it be okay with you

If I borrowed your

mannequin for a while?

Sure,

But she's got no holes in her.

I could introduce you to one

of my girls at the club

With a hole...

Holes.

And a head, too.

No, that... That is...

That is not what I meant.

You're a sly dog, aren't you?

You're just like your pop...

A bit of a prick

most of the time,

But, ooh,

Could he give sting

a run for his money

In the boudoir.

Oh, my god.

( HIP-HOP MUSIC

CONTINUES VERY LOUDLY )

She must have seen me.

Are you spying on

That person in the bathroom?

That's sick. You're

a sick peeping tom,

Aren't you?

No, no, I'm...

with a mannequin fetish.

Okay. That's weird.

But I guess everyone

is weird in some way.

Do you live around here?

I- I grew up there.

With Gloria and Alan?

They are wacked.

But you don't

hold it against them.

I live there.

It's weird I haven't seen you.

I would remember you.

You're cute in a

boy-Next-Door-Gone-Wrong

Kind of way.

What's your name?

Well, thank...

I'm Kyle. Hi.

I'm joy. My parents were

delusionally happy.

It's fab to meet you, Kyle.

Here. Give me

your knuckles.

( CHUCKLES FAINTLY )

I call that 69 knuckles.

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