Finding Your Feet Page #2

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and I've decided

it's in everyone's best interest.

How very bloody thoughtful of you.

Sandra, I hope that with time,

you'll understand that

I never set out to hurt you.

Hurt me? How about bloody destroyed me?

[mobile phone clatters]

[sobbing]

[lively music continues]

- [music ends]

- [cheering, laughter]

Okay, everyone, let's take a break.

- Oh, I'll never get it.

- Yeah. Here you go, Ted.

Payment for your labor the other day.

What? Danger money, you mean.

Oh, put it away.

How did your Internet date go

at the weekend?

Well, let's just say,

I got more than I bargained for.

- Ooh, lucky you.

- No, he showed up with his wife in tow.

Turns out I'd clicked swinging

instead of swimming on my list of likes.

[chuckles]

[shuddering]

Ooh.

[panting]

[Charlie] These old locks are a bloody...

[Bit] You don't fancy changing the one

on my front door, do you?

[both chuckling]

Not in this condition, you haven't.

Gravity hits us all, Sandra.

The challenge is to make sure

our spirits don't drop quite as far.

Look,

I want to help you get back on your feet,

but you're making it very difficult.

I'm not like you, Bif.

L...

I can't just...

Open up like a lotus flower.

I know when we were growing up,

showing emotions was seen as a weakness,

but in my experience,

bottling them up gets you nowhere.

This is like a bad dream

that I can't wake up from.

Mike and I were supposed to be setting off

on a cruise around the Adriatic tomorrow.

Why don't you come down with me

to my dance class next Thursday?

It might cheer you up.

I've been made to feel

enough of a fool already, thank you.

[laughs] What are you talking about'

You're a great dancer.

That was a lifetime ago.

[Sandra] Where did you get this

I had Dad's Super-B film

transferred to DVD a few years ago.

I meant to send you a copy.

Do you remember Mum sewing all

that stiff, nasty net onto the petticoat?

Mmm. I remember it. It was like...

dancing in a cheese grater.

[laughs]

What was his name again'?

Gregory Powell.

I bumped into him a few years ago

in Guildford.

Camp as Christmas.

[Bit] No surprises there, though.

I look so happy.

[Bit] You were.

[thud]

[Sandra sobbing]

Come on, we're gonna miss the warm up.

I'd be happy to miss

the whole bloody thing!

[indistinct chattering]

[Bit] Morning, everyone Sorry we're late.

Oh, here she is Lady Never Sh*t.

You didn't tell me he'd be here.

Corrinna, this is my sister, Sandra.

She's going to be joining us today,

is that all right?

[Corrinna] Yeah, of course.

Find a space, ladies.

[laughs]

- Hello, I'm Jackie.

- Oh, nice to meet you.

- You staying with Bif?

- Yes

- How long?

- Not really sure,

just taking one day at a time.

Sandra's marriage has just collapsed.

Jackie's a veteran where affairs

of the heart are concerned.

Been married five times.

First one broke down

for religious reasons.

He thought he was God. I didn't.

[Corrinna] Okay, everyone,

time to get rid of the cobwebs.

It's the only thing

that's holding Ted together.

Yeah, that and this bloody Lycra.

[laughter]

All right. Okay, everyone, form a circle.

And everyone hold hands

with their neighbour.

- Sandra?

- [Corrinna] There we go.

All right, I think we all know what to do.

[muttered responses]

You put your left leg in

Your left leg out

In out in out you shake it all about

You do the Hokey Cokey

And you tum around

And that's what ifs all about

Whoa the Hokey Cokey

Whoa the Hokey Cokey

Whoa, the Hokey Cokey

Knees bend all stretch

Ra ra ra

[Corrinna] Okay, everybody,

find your partners.

Charlie, where are you, Charlie

It's time to waltz.

Zach!

I'll be the guy, you be the girl.

["Where do you go to my lovely"

playing]

[Bif] One, two, three.

One. two, three, two. two...

One. two, three, two. two...

One. two, three, two. two...

I can count, Bif,

[laughs] I know.

Again.

What is it, Ted'?

Just give me a minute, will you?

- Ted?

- It's all right. I've got it.

[sighing]

That was our wedding tune, Charlie.

[sobs]

Sets me... Sets me off every time.

You're spinning me too fast.

I'm getting disorientated.

I can tell.

Where are you going? Sandra

It's just some days, I...

I wish we'd gone together. [sobbing]

Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

I know. I know. I know.

Oh, I... just wanted to spend a penny.

Spend as much as you like.

Bug's down there.

Oh, man. All right, mate.

Come on.

All right, darling,

I'll see you on Saturday.

Okay, bye.

- Who is that?

- Nicola.

- Huh'?

- My daughter, your niece.

- Oh, of course.

- Where did I put my drink?

She's gonna bring Luke' my grandson,

up to visit me,

- so you can finally get to meet him.

- Oh, I'd love to,

but it'll have to be another time.

I've already got plans.

- Like what?

- I'm going on a date.

Aren't you past all that'?

Last time I checked, there wasn't

an age limit for getting your leg over.

Can I borrow your phone a minute

[muffled ringing]

There you are. [chuckles]

Cor, you've...

a bit of a tangle here, Lil.

[chuckles]

What is it, love?

Hey.

Do you want something?

I want to see Charlie.

You're looking at him, love.

I am Charlie.

Don't touch me.

All right, love. Um...

Why don't we... uh, go for a walk, eh?

Get a bit of air?

Eh?

Get off me.

Leave me alone.

That's a very snazzy hat Luke's wearing.

Pamela bought it for him.

Why is she buying him presents?

Mum.

I wish I could change what's happened

but I can't.

I know you're hurting, but...

I just want to have a nice clay with you.

Grandma, can you push me

I can. Yes.

Why aren't you living

with grandpa any more?

Um...

Remember when

Oscar broke your new Transformer

and you said you never wanted

- to speak to him again'?

- Yeah.

Well, that's sort of what's happened

with me and grandpa.

So, you'll come back

if he buys you a new Transformer?

Maybe.

[man] You're not going to leave me

out here in the...

[laughing]

Gerald, Gerald, Gerald. Come in here.

No, no, let's go in here.

[Bif and Gerald giggling]

[Bif] Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, one sec. One sec.

[I want to wake up with you playing]

[kissing]

[giggling]

What are you doing'?

Warming you up.

Don't worry about that.

I'm armed and dangerous. [chuckles]

Thirty minutes and I'll be good to go.

[softly] I'll get you there at ten.

[laughs] Yeah.

[muffled music playing]

[Sighs]

[laughter]

[Gerald] Oh.

[Sighs]

- Ahh.

- [both laughing]

Gerald?

[exclaims] Gerald

Gerald!

- You all right?

- I'm fine.

But I don't think Gerald is.

He was a lovely fella.

Funny, kind...

- Hung like a...

- Please.

- Too much information.

- [laughs]

I can't believe you're laughing about him,

poor man

Gerald clocked-off with a smile

on his face, Sandra.

That's all any of us can hope for.

Aren't you [stutters] scared of dying?

What's there to be frightened of'?

Well, the fact that.

that that's it.

As Mark Twain said,

I was dead for billions of years

before I was born and had not suffered

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