Fired Up Page #9

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- Thank you, Shawn.

- Awesome. Thank you.

- Okay. You owe me 127.80.

- You said it was gonna be 200.

- I cut you a deal.

- Wow, Poppy. Thank you.

That's actually human of you.

Don't get all ABC Family

on me here, buddy.

You're doing me a favor.

I guaranteed Staples 45 seconds

of airtime, so cheat out to camera.

And work this into your cheer:

"Staples now carries 30-percent

recycled copy paper.

Staples, committed to the

environment, committed to you. "

- Hey.

- Okay.

If I don't have the money,

it's my shoe in your ass.

- That seems fair.

- You look great. Are you in love?

Stay safe.

What's up, kid?

- Downey.

- Good to have you back.

Why didn't you tell me you're gay?

I'd have been totally okay with that.

- Paint with all the colors of the wind.

- Wait. You're straight?

Am I straight? Yes.

But what about your diary?

Then you asked for my beads

and stuck them in your mouth-

- I thought it was a bracelet.

- A bracelet in your mouth?

- I don't know.

- The closet door...

...is made of all kinds of wood,

brother.

What?

- All kinds.

- Okay.

God, that is so awkward.

The Panthers, clear favorites,

have really come to play today.

Fierce, brave, hungry, Panthers

Kill!

- Dude, they're kind of great.

- Yeah.

It's not about them, guys.

It's about us. Just stay focused.

We'll be fine.

Panthers out.

Oh, let me get that for you.

Drool much?

Panthers out.

Free paper, courtesy of Staples.

Staples, committed to the

environment, committed to you.

Do you have

No. But I have 50-percent recycled

a**hole paper. It's in the men's room.

It's free, gay bar, just take it.

Let's do this.

- Tigers!

- Let's go. Let's go.

- Tigers!

- Let's go. Let's go.

Now, the Tigers from Gerald R. Ford

High School in Hinsdale, Illinois.

This team historically ranks last

like their namesake president.

Let's see if they've

stepped it up this year.

Hey. Is this on TV?

Dude, this can't be on TV.

Don't worry. It's NBC. No one

watches network television anymore.

Look, it's Nick on TV, cheerleading.

Shawn too. They're cheerleaders.

I thought those dudes

were in the kitchen.

All you chumps think you got poise

You prance around like little toys

Sh*t.

My chickens.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Tigers!

Risky floor stunts, athletic tumbling,

tight formations.

Looks like the addition of those

two new guys is really paying off.

Oh, my God, that b*tch.

- It's not totally her fault.

- I was talking about Dr. Dick.

It sucks. Don't let it distract you.

We're gonna win.

No, we're not.

We're not as good as the others.

Yeah, we are. And there's

one way we can prove it.

- The Fountain of Troy.

- Yeah, right.

I thought that move

was prohibidimibidibabido.

Remember Lennon?

"Life's what happens when

you're busy making other plans. "

- This is it. Life's happening.

- It's not that easy, Shawn.

I never said it was. You can do it.

I know you can. I'll jump it with you.

I still just don't see them

qualifying for States.

They are just not in the same league

as the top teams here.

- Who's gonna catch me?

- Nick.

- Who's gonna catch you?

- Them.

I have total faith in them.

They're Tigers.

- But what if they don't?

- Bet big or go home.

You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.

- We're doing it.

- You sure?

We're doing a lot of talking.

This seems like a lot

of talking during the routine.

Lot of talking during the routine.

I'm the fountain.

Shawn, base. Nick, back.

Girls, catch. Shawn,

double-back handspring to end it.

- Got it.

- Ready?

Break.

Is this what I think it is? Are the Tigers

trying the Fountain of Troy?

This is the most dangerous move

in cheerleading. OMG.

That's prohibidado.

I told them in Spanish. How much

clearer could I have been?

Here comes the build.

Nice.

An awesome flying pose.

Here it comes, the final fountain.

And now for the final dismount.

Yes.

Perfect.

And the final flip out.

Here it comes, and...

Tigers!

Shawn!

Tigers!

That little sh*t.

My chicken sh*t.

Shawnzy. No, come here.

Come here, buddy. God.

Hey.

Hey.

Did we win?

Are we going to States?

No, we came in 19th.

I'm sorry.

Are you kidding? That's 10 places

better than we did last year.

If they didn't deduct points

for the Fountain of Troy...

...we might've made top three.

You nailed your triple backflip.

I nailed my double backflip...

...because a triple backflip

would've landed me in the water.

Yeah, I did do three.

That makes more sense.

- What was that?

- About three weeks overdue.

What the hell are you doing?

Kissing my teammate.

You wanna die today? I can take life

just as fast as I can give it.

First of all, you're not a doctor.

Second of all,

you're not my boyfriend.

What? Carly Fries, come on.

You're dumping me for him?

No, I'm dumping you, period.

And then I'm gonna be with him,

period. If that's okay with him.

Question mark.

Totally. Exclamation point.

Oh, puke.

Parentheses, bold, underline.

Carly Horse. Carly's Jr., baby.

Larry, Moe and Carly.

Carly and the Chocolate Factory,

sugar.

Carlsbad, Carly-fornia.

Why don't you run along now?

The longer you watch,

the sadder it gets.

- I'll show you sad.

- Hey, buddy.

Oh, Jesus.

- Nick.

- Nick.

That was for the Crocs.

You're not an old lady gardening

or a baby on the beach.

Okay? Now put on some shoes,

you're embarrassing yourself.

I'm just saying.

- You okay?

- Nothing a kiss can't fix.

Wait till tonight.

I'm gonna make a wish on these

and throw them into the sky.

I hope one of you ends up

in my ER one day, bleeding...

...I'll make you wait for days.

Unless one of you has Blue Cross...

...that's a PPO,

none of that HMO bullshit!

This is so cute.

The 19th-placers.

You're like the littlest pigs.

- How does it feel to still suck ass?

- You tell me.

Please don't hurt us. I was just kidding

about the whole rivalry thing.

Cheering doesn't mean that much

to me. I wanna be a paralegal.

I love your hair. Go.

That b*tch is crazy.

Way to go, Bianca.

I didn't know you had it in you.

There's a lot you don't know

about her.

You know that John Lennon

"life happening"...

..."risk it to get the biscuit"

stuff you said back there?

It didn't really make sense.

Well, it got you to do it.

No. You got me to do it.

Well, congratulations, kid.

You got what you wanted.

Thanks to you.

I couldn't have done it without you.

- Just shut up. Shut up.

- Is it hard for you to accept thanks?

- You want me to accept thanks?

- Yeah. Open up to me.

Here it comes from my mouth.

And you're welcome.

Diora.

Lose the clothes.

That's good. No.

- Read me something from your diary.

- What?

"Perchance to dream,

perchance to love a wind- Hair...

- the summer skies

as teardrops cascade from my lo-"

Oh, my God. My husband.

This is not what it looks like.

Looks like you're running

some naked drill.

Exactly.

- Carry on.

- With what? Kissing your wife?

Good one. Five, six, seven, eight.

I said, hey, Tigers! Yeah?

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