Fishing Naked

ACT THREE FINALE.

FBI, KILLS BIGFOOT.

ACTION.

GET ON THE GROUND.

I'M NOT BIGFOOT.

GET DOWN.

I'M NOT BIGFOOT. DON'T SHOOT.

GET DOWN.

WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE THE HELL

IS THE CREATURE?

OH, BOY.

WHAT THE HELL.

HEY, THERE, BUDDY?

LOOKS LIKE I CAUGH YOU IN THE MIDDLE.

OF YOUR MORNING BATH.

WELL, WHAT THE--NO, NO,

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'LL JUST HEAD FURTHER

DOWNSTREAM.

WHAT THE F***.

RUN.

HELP. HELP.

HELP.

BIGFOOT'S AFTER ME.

HELP.

BIGFOOT. RUN.

HEY, MAN.

I'M TYING A KNOT HERE.

DUDE, WE GOT TO RUN.

BIGFOOT'S COMING.

ACTUALLY,

YOU'VE GOT TO RUN.

I'M FIRST NATIONS.

I'VE GOT NO BEEF

WITH HAIRY MAN.

WHAT?

GET OUT OF HERE, MAN.

HELP.

BIGFOOT'S AFTER ME.

SON OF A B*TCH,

THAT HURTS.

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

YEAH, WE REALLY GO HIM GOOD, BRO.

ONE LESS WEEKEND WARRIOR

IN OUR TROUT WATERS.

MAN, IS THIS SUI GETTING TIRED.

YEAH, I CAUGHT I ON A STICK.

I ALMOST RIPPED:

THE WHOLE DAMN THING OFF...

... ALONG WITH MY BALL SACK.

I THINK WE'RE

GOING TO NEED...

... TO GET A NEW ONE.

NO, WE CAN PROBABLY

FIX IT UP...

...A FEW MORE TIMES.

MAN, THAT GUY

F***IN' LOST IT.

IT'S PRETTY AWESOME.

AND THAT LAST LINE

OF YOURS,

'YOU'RE TRESPASSING,'.

THAT IS HYSTERICAL, MAN.

YES.

YOU'RE A QUARTER WHITE,

MAN, LIGHTEN UP.

THERE'S NO GONNA BE ANY FISH...

... FOR THE NEXT FEW HUNDRED

YARDS, AT LEAST.

YEAH, BUT I GOT HIM

WAY BEFORE THE MEAT HOLE.

SO WE'RE GOOD

FROM THERE UP.

COOL, BECAUSE

GRANDMA WANTS ME...

... TO BRING HOME

A BUNCH OF FISH.

WHAT, NO CATCH

AND RELEASE, MR. PURIST?

NOT TODAY.

NOT TODAY.

DAVID?

DAVID.

ARE YOU HERE?

DAVID?

I HOPE HE REMEMBERS TO BRING

FISH BACK FOR OUR GUEST.

OH, SH*T.

DON'T LOOK AT 'EM.

WELL, THAT'S HIM.

THAT'S THE KID.

TELL HIM ABOUT BIGFOOT.

HEY, ART, WHAT'S UP?

NOW, TELL HIM

ABOUT BIGFOOT.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

WE JUST SAW A CRAZY GUY...

... RUNNING DOWN THE STREAM.

YOU LOOKED PRETTY CRAZY.

YEAH.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

STEVE JOBS.

OH, COME ON, KID.

THE CREATURE CHASED ME...

... FROM HALF A MILE

DOWN THE RIVER.

WHAT'D YOU CALL HIM,

HAIRY MAN?

WHOA, MAN.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

TELL HIM.

WHAT DO YOU SAY:

WE RELEASE DAVID?

NO.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO DOWN.

TO THE STATION...

I'M THE PRESIDENT...

... OF FIRST FREAKING BANK,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

AND IF YOU GIVE US A FULL

REPORT, I'LL...

... TELL HIM

WHAT YOU SAW OUT THERE.

I'M SORRY.

WE JUST SAW A CRAZY GUY...

... MESSING UP OUR FISHING.

LET HIM GO.

ALL RIGHT,

PROBABLY SEEN A BEAR.

IT WASN'T A BEAR.

OKAY. IT WASN'T A BEAR.

YOU TWO, TAKE OFF,

AND I'LL GO FIND BIGFOOT.

HAIRY MAN.

HAIRY MAN.

I'LL GET YOU SOME

DRY CLOTHES, SOME FOOD,

AND MAYBE A SEDATIVE.

WHOA.

HEY, SARAH,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

NOTHING WITH YOU.

HI, DAVID.

SARAH.

B*TCH.

DUDE.

SHE'S LIKE THE LAS SINGLE GIRL IN TOWN.

THAT'S BECAUSE

SHE'S A B*TCH.

THAT'S BECAUSE

YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

GOD, IT WAS SUCH

A GOOD DAY TODAY, BRO.

WE SCARED THE HELL

OUT OF THAT TOURIST.

UH-HMM.

IT'S JUST LIKE

I WAS NEVER GONE.

WHAT?

IT'S COOL TO SCARE

A COUPLE OF TOURISTS,

BUT NEITHER ONE:

OF US CAN AFFORD...

... TO GET ARRESTED, AGAIN.

RELAX, MAN.

NOBODY KNOWS IT'S US.

WE'RE NOT GOING

TO GET CAUGHT.

RODNEY, YOU SHOULD

KNOW BETTER THAN ANYBODY.

THERE ARE NO SECRETS

IN THIS TOWN.

LOOK WHO'S TALKING, SLUT.

HOW'S FISHING TODAY?

PRETTY GOOD.

OKAY. RODNEY.

I HAVE FIVE FIRST TIMERS.

THRASHING ON THE RIVER TODAY.

AND I KNOW I STILL GO MORE FISH THAN YOU DID.

BULLSHIT.

YOU KNOW, GENIUSES,

IT IS FIRE SEASON.

DAVID, WHY DO YOU

HANG OUT WITH THIS PUNK?

HE JUST MAKES YOU STUPID.

I'LL BEAT YOU STUPID, RC.

SIT DOWN, RODNEY.

I'M JUST F***ING WITH YOU.

HERE. WHAT IS THIS?

THAT WAS MY CHAI.

THANKS FOR THAT.

IT'S MOOSE URINE.

HI, GRANDMA OTTERTALE.

HI.

I'LL SEE YOU

TOMORROW MORNING.

I CAN'T.

HELPING MY DAD ALL DAY.

WHATEVER.

MORE FISH FOR ME.

YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA GET BORED

WHEN YOU DON'T CATCH ANYTHING,

AND YOU'RE GOING

TO BE HOME EARLY.

NO.

DID YOU CATCH:

ANY FISH?

OF COURSE.

DID YOU SEE:

ANYTHING INTERESTING?

NO.

NOTHING OU OF THE ORDINARY. WHY?

I'VE SEEN AN ORB

LAST NIGHT.

YOU MEAN ONE OF:

THE 'BRIGHT LIGHTS'

THAT PEOPLE TALK ABOUT...

... AFTER SPENDING

TOO MUCH TIME...

... IN THE SWEAT LODGE?

YES. IT WAS A GREEN ONE.

THEY ALWAYS COME FIRST.

NO ORBS, GRANDMA.

OKAY.

GOOD LUCK.

I BROUGHT HOME:

A WHOLE BAG OF FRESH TROUT,

AND WE'RE EATING

FROZEN FISH STICKS.

THEY'RE FOR COMPANY.

WHAT COMPANY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOOKING FOR ORBS.

COME ON, GRANDMA.

YOU HAVE TO EAT.

BEFORE YOU TAKE:

YOUR HEART MEDICINE.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY

YOU'RE SEEING ORBS.

I'M SEEING ORBS BECAUSE

SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN.

EAT YOUR DINNER, PLEASE.

OKAY.

I GOT IT.

HEY, ART.

DAVID.

HELLO, LOUISE.

HEY, ARTHUR.

DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?

NO, THANKS. I HAVE A LO ON MY PLATE TONIGHT.

UH-HMM.

DID YOU SEE ANY ORBS?

NOT LATELY.

I SAW A GREEN ONE

LAST NIGHT.

REALLY, WHAT TIME?

WHAT'S UP, ART?

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK...

... BILL WAS HALLUCINATING

OUT THERE TODAY.

I DON'T KNOW.

CITY GUY,

NOT USED:

TO THE FRESH AIR.

PROBABLY SAW A BEAR.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHA I THOUGHT ALSO...

... UNTIL HE MENTIONED

A HAIRY MAN, DAVID.

YOU SAW A HAIRY MAN?

NO, GRANDMA.

JUST SOME CRAZY TOURIS HALLUCINATING.

THOUGHT HE SAW HIM.

HE PROBABLY DID...

... BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY HERE.

YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU

AND RODNEY DO ME A FAVOR...

... AND JUST TAKE IT EASY

FOR A WHILE.

I REALLY DON'T WAN TO HAVE TO LAUNCH...

... A FORMAL INVESTIGATION.

GOOD NIGHT, LOUISE.

GOOD NIGHT, ARTHUR.

COME AGAIN REAL SOON.

NIGHT, ART.

GOD, YOU'RE RUDE.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

IT'S COLD.

SOMETHING'S GONNA BITE ME.

YOU ARE SUCH AS WUSS.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

BITE YOU.

THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE...

... BUT TROUT AND ME,

THEY WON'T BITE.

NO.

I'M NOT BORED, RODNEY.

WOULD YOU PREFER

A SPONGE BATH, PRINCESS?

YOU'D LIKE THAT,

WOULDN'T YOU?

GET IN THIS RIVER,

YOU STINK.

I DO NOT.

I CAN'T DO THIS.

WELL, HOWDY THERE,

STRANGER.

OH, HEY,

I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

UH-HUH.

HOW ARE THEY BITING?

FEW LITTLE ONES.

NOTHING TO WRITE

HOME ABOUT.

YOU MUST BE USING

THE WRONG PATTERN.

LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

WHAT? OKAY.

OF COURSE.

CADIS FLY?

REALLY?

DUDE, IT'S ALL NYMPHS

RIGHT NOW.

NYMPHS, HUH?

HERE.

LET ME SEE:

WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

HERE WE GO.

THIS IS OUGHT TO DO IT.

YOU DO LIKE NYMPHS,

DON'T YOU?

I LOVE NYMPHS.

GIVE ME YOUR ROD.

WHAT?

YOU CAN'T CATCH A BIG FISH

UNLESS YOU'RE NAKED.

SO IF I DON'T GET ANYTHING

ON THIS NEXT CAST.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE

MY SKIRT OFF.

OKAY.

TOLD YOU.

YOU DO THIS OFTEN?

WHAT?

FISH NAKED.

AMONG OTHER THINGS.

HEY, I DIDN'T--I DIDN' CATCH YOUR NAME.

AMY.

COME ON OVER:

AFTER YOU LOSE MY FISH.

NAKED HIPPIE CHICK TELLING ME

NOT TO LOSE MY FISH?

DAMN IT.

TOLD YOU.

ENJOY THE SHOW?

I WAS FISHING,

I WASN'T SPYING.

OH, RELAX, JEN.

IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME

SOMEONE WILL MASTURBATE...

... TO THE THOUGHT OF

MY WET, NAKED BODY.

AMY.

I WAS...

... RELAX, BOTH OF YOU.

TOTALLY INNOCENT ENCOUNTER.

NICE GEAR.

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