Five Page #5

C'mon, charge yourself up.

You're right.

You, too.

3, 2, 1 , surprise?

Come on.

Why'd we swallow that stuff?

Nothing's coming out.

- It's not working.

- I know, man.

lt was in a film:

your fingers in my mouth

and your fingers in my fingers...

Okay, I got it.

I can't hear

with your fingers in my mouth.

You gotta hit the glottis.

- lt won't work.

- It's gross!

What're you doing?

We're coming.

What's with you guys?

Why are you being weird?

Man,

we went out to the 'hood

to buy 4 kilos of weed.

I let it out. Sh*t!

Not hungry after all.

Bento

- It's Bento.

- What's he say?

He's not taking the weed.

No one's taking it.

We're f***ed!

We'll get the sh*t beat out of us.

You guys!

What're you on?

Can we talk seriously a second?

You're flipping me out.

What's up?

It's in the trunk.

I swear... That motha...

Turn the music down!

Sh*t! What idiots!

I don't believe it.

Why not drop the place right off?

I dunno, man.

Dad was pissed,

I didn't want you to be.

Why should we be?

Because you didn't pay the rent?

I didn't want you in a jam.

Like we're not in a jam now!

Why not say the rent was so high?

Because you never asked?

Cut the victim act.

Relax, Vadim. This is no time.

When's the time, then?

We're all in deep sh*t now.

Those dealers know where he lives.

Cut the paranoia.

For the moment we're not in danger.

We got a week

to sell the weed and pay.

Fine, great.

How d'you sell 4 kilos

with the old lady and the boxer out?

He takes us for daddy's boys.

He's right. That's just what you are:

rich kids who get a life by dealing.

If you don't want to be helpful,

beat it.

Sure I will.

I'm not getting shafted

for your crap.

You serious?

You didn't mind my paying the rent.

Yeah, right.

It's true, Vad. We're a team.

So what do we do now?

Try to take back the weed?

We're returning the dope

because we don't need it.

We're outta here.

Leave him alone.

Well?

Negative. No go.

- The keys, Tim.

- What'd he say?

- I got the keys?

- Not much. He just bitchslapped us.

My nose is bleeding.

- Who has the keys?

- That all?

No, and that he'd make us

eat each other's balls.

A 69, can you imagine?

Meaning?

I guess he'd put us

head to tail at the nuts.

You have the keys!

Shut up with your 69!

So we're sh*t out of luck.

We gotta sell the weed.

But to who?

We know no dealers.

Why not sell it ourselves?

In half-zips.

In what?

Half-zips. Don't know that?

- No, explain.

- It's simple.

We've got 4 kilos of pot.

That's about 4000 grams.

In fact, it's...

It's 4000.

Totally. If my math is right.

We divide it into half-ounces.

Into half-zips.

We cut it.

Actually, no. Cutting

is for hash,

but the stems make it harder.

But with a little scale we could...

Hang on, we don't follow.

Show us.

Maybe, yeah.

You coming?

Maybe it's easier if I show you...

Why do we dress like this?

Ever see a cop stop a guy

wearing tassel loafers?

Tim's dick hanging out - legendary!

Hey! How's it going on your end?

Not fantastic.

We've managed to pick up...

about 800, 900 at most.

It's a very weird party.

Julia vanished and I'm stressing out.

How much you got?

I'll count it and tell you.

I'm going to look for Julia.

Very weird scene here.

Hey, take it easy.

I found Julia, man.

And Vadim.

Man, she's making it with Vadim.

F***, man! Vadim showed up

and they're frenching like crazy.

You hear me?

Why hang up?

I gotta tell 'em how much.

We got cut off.

Here.

What's this?

Are you guys together or what?

Sort of.

Yeah, sort of! Since when?

I dunno. Who cares?

I care! How can you be so cagey?

Relax.

And if you could keep it quiet...

If you want. You're lucky,

I was just telling Nestor,

and we got cut off.

You cagey bastards!

Let's get outta here.

Like Chandler and Monica!

How cagey!

Not enough.

I hoped we'd sell more.

Vadim?

Come look.

- What is it?

- Look at this.

See what I was saying?

She's so radiant, that b*tch!

Look at this. I can't stand it.

You wanna squeeze the milk

out of those tits.

I'd make some lady cheese out of it!

What a pig!

- Julia is family!

- I know.

But she could get me hot.

Look at this.

You're such a pig.

What's the problem?

I'm going to bed.

It's Maia. At least answer.

I waited like a fool.

You'd better have an excuse.

Ali, it's Sam.

Remember, some customers

wanted me personally

to look after their car?

Text me or call

if one of them shows up.

Hang on. One was looking for you.

You know, that tightwad actress.

Whatsherface?

Yeah, totally.

She left her number.

Send it to me then. Great.

Barnaby is an old friend.

He's got a weird personality,

but he's a good guy.

Okay.

Check this out.

Sorry...

Framed panties!

Vera, Prague, 1993.

Svetlana, St Petersburg, 1988.

I wasn't even born

when he was doin' tons of chicks.

Doin', doin'...

Hey, a Y-front.

Lisbon, 2007. Pedro.

That's a quality. The guy's open.

Yes, a quality.

Sorry, gentlemen, I kept you...

Sit down, don't move,

take it easy.

First, thanks for coming, guys.

Thank you.

No, thank you for coming.

Here's the score:

I'm throwing a big party

for my only daughter's 20th.

Sophie's one of a kind.

I know from experience

what harm drugs can do.

So for that, I got to thinking,

and here's the concept:

I told her:

"Okay for a party, but I do the pot

"for you and your little pals

on one condition:

"You touch nothing else."

You can trust them.

Their weed is top grade.

I approve that dope 100 percent.

Well then, Fanny dear,

if you trust, I trust,

we all trust them.

We have trust. A virtuous circle.

Dunno why,

but I like your little

fucktard dealers.

"Fucktard" is a bit...

Instinct, man.

So, let's recap:

I gather there's about 150 guests...

Let me interrupt.

It's crap!

Bummer, it itches.

Sorry, I interrupted.

- No, I was talking.

- I interrupted you?

Sorry, I didn't interrupt.

So, about 150 people,

1 kilo to be safe, in that range.

Why don't we have

a weed catering service?

You'd be here

rolling blunts for the guests.

I picture you in waiter's livery.

Totally chic.

Totally chic.

- What's so funny?

- I dunno.

Hey, Fanny, you ought to settle down.

You're pretty stoned.

Not at all.

Fine idea.

If I could piggyback on that,

Tim's an excellent cook,

so for an additional fee

he could do

a sort of Maryjane buffet.

Like space food.

Space food!

Americano!

Hold it.

And we figured...

Sorry.

- The phone.

- Sure.

I'm listening.

Put the guy on.

I told you he was a bit...

weird.

Yeah... weird.

ls that how it is?

I'll mash you to a pulp.

You okay, Barn?

No, Barn's not okay.

That DJ clown just cancelled

a week before the party.

It's a disaster!

F***ing Pinocchio boy!

Allow me to interrupt.

You mentioned DJ, Pinocchio...

We have a friend

who's very cute, she mixes great

and I know she's free.

The guy hesitates, then...

Bingo!

Sure he didn't say "banco"?

Banco? Bingo? I don't remember.

So how much we got?

I didn't finish.

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