Fixed Page #13

I MEAN, I LOVE THE LITTLE

F***ER, BUT NOW MY LIFE

IS OFFICIALLY OVER.

I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME

TO FLIP OUT ANYMORE.

YEAH, LISTEN, I HOPE YOU

PICK UP THE MINIVAN.

NO, NO, THERE WILL

BE NO MINIVAN.

- OKAY. FOUR KIDS? WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

- MOTHERFUCKERS.

YOU KNOW I GOT A CONSUL LINED UP NEXT WEEK, RIGHT?

I CAN'T STAND Y'ALL ASSES.

- HA-HA!

- WHAT HAPPENED TO US, HUH?

WE USED TO BE MEN.

WE USED TO BE PROUD.

SPORTS. COME ON, NOW.

ONLY SPORTS FROM HERE ON OUT.

AMEN.

AMEN!

AMEN.

[NURSE]

AW.

LOOK AT YOU, YOU'RE SO NERVOUS.

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,

IT'S A BIG DAY.

- [CHUCKLES]

- OH, YOU... LOOK NORMAL.

MM-HMM. WELL, YOU HAVE

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

THE DOCTOR IS:

VERY GOOD AND GENTLE.

COUNTING ON THAT.

OH, HERE HE IS.

MAN OF THE HOUR. OKAY.

SO, A VASECTOMY.

I HONESTLY THOUGH YOU'D NEVER COME BACK.

MOST MEN LIKE YOU DON'T.

WELL, I'M NOT LIKE

MOST MEN LIKE ME.

THAT'S CUTE.

OKAY, REMEMBER,

A VASECTOMY IS FOREVER,

ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'LL PROBABLY

NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD A REVERSAL,

SO, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE SURE?

DOC, I DO NOT WANT NUMBER FIVE.

FIX ME.

ONE VASECTOMY COMING UP.

OH, COME ON, ALLAN. DIDN'T I

TELL YOU TO SHAVE YOUR BALLS?

- OH, SH*T.

- NURSE, GIVE ME THE BLADE, PLEASE. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,

I LIKE THE OLD FASHIONED ONE.

WHAT, WHAT? OLD FA...

HOLY SH*T.

THAT'S LIKE A CLEAVER.

NO, NO! NO RESIDENTS.

GO FIND SOME OTHER

BALLS TO FONDLE.

REAL FUNNY.

ALLAN, YOU REMEMBERED TO TAKE

YOUR PAIN MEDS, RIGHT?

WHAT? NO!

OH, SH*T. NO, NO, NO,

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT,

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

WELL, I'M NO GONNA LIE TO YOU...

I LOVE MY WIFE.

I LOVE MY KIDS.

THIS IS GONNA HURT.

OKAY, LOOK AT THE CEILING.

[YELLS]

- QUIT IT.

- OH, YOU SON OF A B*TCH!

- THIS WILL TEACH YOU NOT TO HAVE ANYMORE CHILDREN.

- GODDAMN IT!

THE POPULATION'S 7 BILLION

IN THE WORLD.

RIGHT UP THE MIDDLE,

RIGHT UP THE MIDDLE.

I LOVE PLAYDATES!

I LOVE POTTY TRAINING!

THIS IS FOR YOU, BABY! OH!

WHOO-HOO!

HEY, HEY, GUYS,

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

[FAMILY CLAMORING]

[NURSE]

YOU DID SUCH A GOOD JOB.

- I'M PROUD OF YOU.

- OH.

- IT'S DAD.

- AND DON'T FORGET TO KEEP

THE FROZEN PEAS ON

THAT SPECIAL AREA.

- OH, YEAH. YEP.

- HEY.

[GROANS]

- HEY.

- HEY. HI.

HOW YOU DOING? ARE YOU OKAY?

- AW.

- NO, I'M FINE.

- [GROANS]

- NATHAN!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

ACTUALLY...

I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING.

MM.

[KIDS TEASING]

HEY.

IS HE GONNA BE OKAY?

PHYSICALLY OR PSYCHOLOGICALLY?

- OH. [CHUCKLES]

- AL?

- HERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR HIS POST-OP CARE.

- OKAY.

BASICALLY, JUST LET HIM LIE

ON THE COUCH FOR A WEEK OR SO,

CATER TO HIS EVERY NEED,

YADA YADA.

OH. REALLY?

THIS HERE IS THE MOS IMPORTANT STEP.

YOUR WONDERFUL HUSBAND

MUST BRING THIS SPECIMEN

IN SIX WEEKS.

OH, THE SPECIMEN.

- OKAY, WELL...

- HMM.

THAT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD.

EXCEPT HE MUST FIRS CLEAR THE CHAMBER...

20 TIMES.

20 TIMES?

IDEALLY, 30. OR MORE.

AND I'M SURE HE'LL APPRECIATE YOUR

ASSISTANCE WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

IT'LL REALLY HELP HIS RECOVERY.

THAT'S... INTERESTING.

OKAY. THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

YEAH.

- GOOD LUCK.

- WELL...

- 30 TIMES, HUH?

- WELL, DOCTOR'S ORDERS.

OH. GREAT, YEAH.

[CHUCKLES]

ALL RIGHT, KIDS, LET'S GO HOME.

YOU STAND IN FRONT OF ME. YOU

GUARD ME AGAINST YOUR BROTHER.

- HE'S A LITTLE WILD MAN.

- YOU, STAY ON MY SIDE, YOU.

[LUCY] HOW'S DADDY GONNA

PEE WITHOUT HIS WEE-WEE?

[NATHAN]

HE'LL PEE OUT OF HIS BUTT.

[ALLAN]

OH, GOD.

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