Fixed Page #2

I MEAN, I KNOW GROWN MEN

WHO ARE NOT THAT STRONG.

- AH. THIS WILL HELP.

- MM-HMM.

[LAUGHS]

MM-HMM.

YEAH, THAT'S BETTER.

WE CAN DO THIS, RIGHT?

THE THERAPY?

I DON'T KNOW.

CAN YOU KEEP:

YOUR MOUTH SHUT ABOUT SEX

FOR, LIKE, TWO SECONDS?

YES, I THINK I CAN.

I MEAN, WE HAVE THREE KIDS.

WHAT'S A LITTLE THERAPY?

PIECE OF CAKE.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.

- YEAH.

WE'RE PROFESSIONALS

AT THIS LIFE THING.

- DON'T YOU THINK?

- MM-HMM.

ALTHOUGH, I WILL SAY,

I THINK 12 SESSIONS IS...

NOT JUST A LITTLE THERAPY.

IT DOES SEEM A BIT EXCESSIVE.

I MEAN, DO WE REALLY NEED A THERAPIS TO TELL US TO GO ON A DATE NIGHT?

NO! GOD, I MEAN, WHY HAVEN' WE BEEN DOING THIS MORE ANYWAY?

I'M NOT SURE.

- MM.

- HUH.

I'M SURE AFTER TWO,

THREE SESSIONS,

- SHE'LL GIVE US THE ALL CLEAR.

- YEAH, THREE'S PERFECT.

ONE FOR EACH KID.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO

WITH 12 ANYWAY?

MAYBE SHE'S SAVING UP FOR THAT RESTING

B*TCH FACE REMOVAL OPERATION.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I MEAN,

WE COULD TAKE THAT MONEY,

WE COULD USE IT TO FIX YOUR CAR,

YOU KNOW? OR...

- PUT A DOWN PAYMENT ON A...

- OH, YEAH.

THAT'S... I WOULD LOVE TO

FIX THE CAR, YOU KNOW?

JUST... GET IT...

WORKING ORDER AGAIN.

IT'D BE AWESOME.

I'M SO GLAD

WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE.

- WE'LL GONNA BE OKAY, BABE.

- YEAH.

- YES.

- 100%.

[DR. LISA] YOU TWO HAVE

DONE SUCH AMAZING PROGRESS.

YOU SHOULD BE:

SO PROUD OF YOURSELVES.

YEAH, I FEEL LIKE

IN THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS,

WE ACTUALLY HAVE COMMUNICATED

ABOUT THINGS NOT KID-RELATED.

YES, WE HAVE.

[CHUCKLES]

- WE WENT TO OUR FIRST TWO R-RATED MOVIES,

- YEAH.

- IN I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.

- [CHUCKLES]

IN A THEATER. AT NIGHT.

WOW, THAT'S GREAT.

SO HOW DO YOU FEEL?

[MARIA] I MEAN,

IT FEELS GOOD, YOU KNOW?

I FEEL LIKE WE'RE ACTUALLY

- ON OUR WAY, RIGHT?

- YEAH.

NO, IT FEELS, YOU KNOW, GREAT.

YOU KNOW, EXCEPT FOR THE, UH...

- ALLAN.

- SEX.

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

A COUPLE MORE SESSIONS

AND YOU WILL BE FINE.

OH, YEAH, NO, I THINK...

YEAH, WE'LL BE FINE.

IT'LL BE FINE.

WE'VE ACHIEVED

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY.

- MM.

- AND, UH, COMMUNICATION.

- AND I FEEL GREAT.

- YEAH.

AND AFTER ONLY:

THREE SESSIONS, HUH?

[ALLAN] YEAH, WELL, WE COULDN' HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

- YOU'RE AN AMAZING RAPIST.

- THERAPIST.

YOU'RE A GREAT,

GREAT THERAPIST.

AND YOU'VE GIVEN US,

YOU KNOW, VALUABLE TOOLS.

AND THOSE HANDOUTS YOU GAVE US

WERE JUST... THEY WERE...

- VERY INFORMATIVE.

- ...REALLY GREAT.

- COLORFUL.

- PRETTY.

AND YET YOU ARE SURE THA YOU DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE

WITH THE 12 SESSIONS.

STILL A LOT MORE

THAT WE NEED TO WORK ON.

UM, YOU KNOW,

I'VE GOT SOME MORE HANDOUTS

AND SOME CLASSES

I'D REALLY RECOMMEND.

I ALSO WROTE A BOOK,

ALMOST PUBLISHED.

- OH.

- SO THERE'S A LOT MORE TO COME.

- YEAH.

- NOT AT $300 AN HOUR.

- EXCUSE ME?

- WHAT?

- [ALLAN AND MARIA LAUGHING]

- [MARIA] OH, MY GOD!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

HEY, LISTEN,

IF WE'RE GONNA SPEND 300 BUCKS

IT'S GONNA BE ON YOU AND ME,

BOTTLE OF BABY OIL,

A LITTLE CANDLELIGHT,

- SOME...

- OKAY.

YOU HAD ME AT BABY OIL.

COME ON.

[ALLAN]

I TOLD YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS.

I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA DO IT,

AND I DID IT.

I'M GETTING LAID, OKAY?

AFTER THREE SESSIONS.

SH*T. STILL COST YOU

NEARLY A GRAND.

NOTHING'S BRINGING ME DOWN

TONIGHT, PHIL, OKAY?

NOT EVEN YOU.

I STILL REMEMBER MY FIRS POST-THERAPY SCREW.

IT WAS SO GOOD.

I JUST...

IT'S BEEN SO LONG FOR ME.

I HOPE I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN

ANYTHING, YOU KNOW?

OH, YOU KNOW

YOU JUST JINXED IT, RIGHT?

WHAT? NO, NO, I DIDN'T.

I DIDN'T JINX ANYTHING.

IT'S NOT, UH...

IT'S NOT JINXABLE.

IT'S AN IMPOSSIBILITY.

EH, ACTUALLY,

THAT MIGHT'VE JUST JINXED IT.

JINXED.

LISTENERS,

WE ARE GONNA BE BACK

NEXT WEEK WITH SPORTS.

GUARANTEED.

- [RUSTLING]

- [ALLAN] OH, YEAH.

SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

OH.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

OVER MY HEAD.

THE OTHER WAY.

OKAY, WAIT, JUST...

WAIT, JUST, DIDN'T GET..

I'M WIGGLING.

[LAUGHS]

THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.

[BOTH MOANING]

ACTUALLY,

- I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

- NO, NO, NO.

- NO, NO, WAIT. NO.

- NO, NO, PLEASE.

- CAN IT WAIT?

- WAIT.

- CAN'T IT WAIT LIKE A MINUTE?

- I'M... I'M JUST...

I'M NOT ON THE PILL.

YOU'RE WHAT?

- WHAT? WHAT, WHAT?

- THE PILL.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- WELL...

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I'VE BEEN

KIND OF MOODY LATELY?

WELL, THE DOCTOR SAID

IT MIGHT BE THE HORMONES,

SO HE SAID THAT I SHOULD STOP

TAKING IT. AND, ACTUALLY,

- HE SUGGESTED THAT...

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

DON'T WE HAVE CONDOMS

FROM WHEN I WAS PUMPING?

- YES.

- YEAH?

- YES, WE DO.

- OKAY, GO GET THEM.

- WE DO.

- [PANTING]

- WAIT, SHH, SHH.

- [CLATTERING]

SH*T, SH*T, SH*T, SH*T, SH*T.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[MUTTERING]

- GOT IT!

- [GASPS] OH, GOOD.

SHH!

- OH, MY GOD.

- YOU GOT IT? GOOD JOB.

[MOANING]

OKAY.

IS THAT THING TOO OLD?

[ALLAN]

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S FINE.

IT'S FINE. THESE THINGS...

THESE THINGS LAS THROUGH A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.

[MOANING]

OH, OKAY.

- OKAY.

- [CHUCKLES]

- OH, JEEZ.

- ARE YOU OKAY?

- NO, NO, NO, I GOT IT.

- YOU GOT IT?

- OH, JEEZ.

- YOU NEED HELP?

[BOTH LAUGH]

- DO YOU NEED...

- I CAN'T GET IT.

HERE GIVE IT TO ME.

- YEAH.

- HOW THIS IT EVEN...

- THIS DOESN'T EVEN...

- THE OTHER WAY

IT'S NOT DOING ANYTHING,

IT'S NOT DOING ANYTHING.

IT'S BACKWARDS, BABE.

- HELP ME. HELP ME.

- OKAY, WAIT, STAY STILL.

- OKAY. I GOT IT!

- OH.

OKAY, I GOT IT. OKAY.

- I LOVE YOU,

- I LOVE YOU, TOO.

- OKAY.

- OKAY.

[MOANING]

OKAY, WAIT. OKAY,

HOLD ON A SECOND,

THAT'S LIKE A LITTLE CROOKED.

- OKAY.

- GOT IT?

- NO, IT'S GOOD. OKAY.

- OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY. OH.

- WAIT, SH*T, SH*T.

- NO, NO.

- I THINK IT BROKE.

- NO, NO, NO, PLEASE.

- NO.

- IT'S...

- I'LL PULL OUT, I PROMISE.

- YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PULL OUT, BABE.

JUST, PLEASE, WE'RE SO CLOSE.

THAT'S HOW NATHAN AND LUCY

GOT HERE.

WHAT, DO YOU WANT NUMBER FOUR?

- NO, IT'S FINE.

- [SIGHS]

IT'S OKAY, BABE.

NO, IT'S OKAY,

WE CAN JUST LAY HERE.

JUST LAY HERE:

AND SPOON A LITTLE BIT.

IT'S FINE.

- IT'S OKAY.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

- WHAT?

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

- NO.

- I KNOW I HAVE ANOTHER ONE.

- [LAUGHS]

- I BOUGHT THEM A WHILE AGO.

- ALLAN, YOU'RE BEING CRAZY.

- I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE,

I KNOW I'VE SEEN IT,

I'VE SEEN IT.

I CAN SEE IT IN MY MIND,

IT'S A...

IT'S A PURPLE... IS IT PURPLE?

IT'S A BLUE, IT'S A BLUE,

IT'S BLUE,

IT'S IN THE SIDE TABLE,

IT'S IN THE SIDE TABLE.

IT'S JUST, JUST ONE MINUTE.

WE CAN TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.

NO, NO, NO, NOT TOMORROW,

NO, TONIGHT.

AREN'T YOU TIRED?

NO.

[MUTTERING]

OH, MY GOD.

[MUTTERING]

OH, THE DRESSER, THE DRESSER.

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, THE DOCTOR,

HE MENTIONED THAT MAYBE

WE SHOULD THINK ABOU MORE PERMANEN WAYS OF BIRTH CONTROL.

WHAT? NO, NO, NO,

NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO... YOU'RE NOT GETTING

YOUR TUBES TIED, OKAY?

AND NO MORE O.R.S FOR US.

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

HE ACTUALLY SUGGESTED

SOMETHING FOR YOU.

HAVE YOU EVER, UH...

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOU GETTING A VASECTOMY?

FROM WHAT I HEAR,

THEY'RE KIND OF QUICK

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