Flashbacks Of A Fool Page #2

The traffic was dreadful.

Joe Scott, Hollywood's hottest

young director, Ritchie Smith.

How are you doing? The script

is fantastic. Congratulations.

Mannie says you've directed

some music videos.

Did you look at 'em?

F***in' awesome, ain't they?

- You didn't send them to me.

- We didn't?

No.

Excuse me. Hello?

Yeah. What do you mean? I've been

trying to get hold of you for days.

Yes, I have! Now is not a good time.

Don't call me when

I'm in a f***ing lunch meeting!

I am serious! I'll talk to you later.

- Can I get another one?

- Why didn't you call the office?

That's the place to call, not when

I'm having lunch, OK? Call me later.

Sure. Bye.

Sorry about that. There'll be a tape

at your house when you get home, OK?

OK, let's order some food!

OK. This stuff looks good, huh?

I had a big breakfast.

I'm just gonna have a salad.

Yeah, so am I.

Hello?

Dave! How are you, my man?

No, that's great.

Sure, we'll talk later. OK, bye.

Let's order! Excuse me?

- I'm gonna have a green salad.

- Yeah, for me as well.

- Ritchie, want anything?

- Burger.

- Burger.

- How would you like that?

- Rare?

- He'd like it rare.

- Anything else I can get you?

- Ritchie, anything else?

No. No, thank you.

Thank you.

Sorry.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Sure.

OK.

Business. Things have developed a lot

since we last spoke, OK?

And since Ritchie started casting

seriously, he...

Since Ritchie started casting seriously,

he realises your character

isn't going the way he wants.

You know how things are.

You start casting, things change,

- dynamics change...

- Dynamics?

Yeah. You know, dynamics.

Dynamics between characters.

He wants to go younger.

Hello?

George!

How are ya?

That's great!

I tell you what you do, though.

You take the $35 million,

you go to Brazil.

You keep $34 million for yourself

and spend $1 million on a picture.

Only don't spend it on this one. This...

What the f*** are you doing?

- Are you trying to humiliate me?

- That's my f***in' phone!

Why didn't you say on the phone?

Why am I here?

I... Goddamn it, when did you become

such an a**hole? What date exactly?

I thought Ritchie might give you

another part.

- Have you read the script?

- Course I read the script.

- Have you read the script?

- Yes.

If you'd read the f***in' script,

you'd know there are only

four characters and three are women!

So which other f***ing part

do you think I might be right for?

No other f***in' part!

I don't think there's any part

in any script for you, anywhere!

No one's interested any more, Joe!

And you know why not?

Because you're not interested any more!

You have squandered every f***in'

opportunity you've ever been given!

Take a look in the mirror next time

you're snorting off it,

because you are a mess!

I am tired of pretending otherwise,

so I'm giving it to you straight.

It is over. You are over.

People are tired

of your pathetic behaviour.

They don't wanna be around it

any more. Neither do I!

So you know what I suggest? I suggest

you get yourself a new agent!

Cool dog!

- What?

- Brussels Griffon.

- Brussels what?

- Brussels Griffon.

- The Jack Nicholson dog.

- Yeah, the f***ing dog. Thanks.

- Hello?

- Where are you, Apple?

Hi, Joe!

Can you explain to me

why your dog is still in my car?

- I need a big favour.

- No.

- Would look after him for a few days?

- A few days? Are you insane?

I have to go away.

- You are not dumping your dog on me.

- I'm not dumping him on you!

- Just a few days.

- What's that smell?

Jesus!

Your dog has done a sh*t in my car!

Joe?

- No...

- Joe?

- Don't hang up!

- I'm losing you.

Don't hang up on me. Please!

- Can't hear you.

- Don't hang up!

F***! F***!

You like the dog?

Keep the f***ing dog.

Hey, Joe?

You know David Bowie

believes in aliens?

Yeah, I know.

You stink! You need a bath.

I had a bath.

When?

I...

Exactly. You never take a bath.

You stink.

Well, how often do you have a bath then?

- Every day.

- Every day?

- Yes, every day.

- What, does your mum make you?

No, I just like to be clean.

Every day's not clean.

Every day's weird.

- D'you remember that ginger girl?

- Shut up!

Come on.

Hang on, I can't even see!

Joe!

Joe!

Wait here.

Alright?

Go round the side.

- Wotcher.

- Wotcher.

Hello. You're late.

You missed lunch.

- Who are you?

- I'm Boots.

What kind of name is that?

I know you. You're the one who had

the epileptic fit at the cinema.

- Is that a glass of selfish, Joe?

- What?

- Boots, would you like a drink?

- Please.

- Milk?

- Yeah, please.

Joe, pour Boots a glass of milk

before you finish the bottle.

What film was it

made you have the fit?

Ring of Bright Water?

- The one about the otter.

- Yeah.

- Don't do that, Joe!

- What?

Put the empty bottle back in the fridge.

- Do you still have 'em?

- What?

- Fits.

- I haven't for a long time.

Well, you will. Once an epileptic,

always an epileptic.

Come on.

Kids grow up too quick these days.

Good God, is that child trying

to scrape the paint off the walls?

- What does "c*nt" mean?

- I told you not to say that word!

- You say it!

- I do not!

Say it again and you'll get a hiding!

- What the hell does it mean?

- Shut up!

If I tell you, do you promise me

you won't say it again?

It's a very bad word for your vagina.

- What's my vagina?

- The proper word for your moo-moo.

Go outside,

or I'll make you both into piccalilli!

- You off already, Boots?

- Yeah.

- How's your mum?

- She's alright.

- Give her my love, won't you?

- Yeah.

- Well, bye, then.

- Bye.

I don't trust that boy.

Always looking out the sides of his eyes

like some old dog

waiting to steal a bone.

Boots!

Is that woman still 'ere?

- Who?

- Mrs Rogers?

Bye.

Oh, God...

So they had to give me

one of them enemas.

Well, I was blocked up

like an old crypt.

And d'you know what they found?

A plastic toy animal. Probably been

stuck in me bowels for over 20 years.

- Oh, dear.

- I must have eaten it!

But, you know, I can't taste a thing,

not since I hit my head.

I always wonder what old people

looked like when they were young.

It just makes me sad.

Cos it's all gone,

and you think, "How cruel. "

I suppose if you

really concentrated...

...you might be able to imagine

the old people you know as young.

But it's really hard.

Cos all I can see

is that they're old, ill, ugly...

And their life's over.

When you watch

an old person sleeping...

...especially if they're very old...

...you think,

"Will they ever wake up again?"

Then they wake up very suddenly.

One second,

they're sleeping and lifeless.

Next second, they're turning on

the telly for the news.

"Have I missed the news?

Have I missed the news?"

When does a person stop keeping up?

Why don't you make a move, Joe?

What do you mean?

Don't you fancy me?

You can touch if you like.

My mum's next door.

She'll be busy.

She won't be in.

Are you gonna help me

with all them vegetables?

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