Flatland Page #7

to intrude into Flatland once again.

I come to proclaim that

there is a land of Three Dimensions!

Guards!

Stop that!

I am a perfect circle, a divine Sphere!

Listen to me you flatbrains!

- Hear my word!

- We've got him!

- Where is he? Look Out!

- HEAR MY WORD!

Where did he go? He's gone!!

My Lords, do not be alarmed.

We took care of the Chromatic insurrection.

I assure you this one will be even simpler.

The secret memories have

predicted everything we have seen.

The circle who claims

he's from another world,

all this was as our forefathers foresaw.

The priestly circles alone remember

how the same occurrence...

happened on the last two

millennial commencements.

How can you people be

so smart and yet so stupid?

- Just look at this...

- You are all required to say nothing

of these trifles outside this Cabinet.

Call for the Praetorian Guards!

These Soldier Triangles must

be put to death right away.

All of them!

There, that's done.

No trace, no harm.

These are serious times, gentlemen,

and must be met with determination and resolve.

My Lords,

the business of the Council being over,

I wish you all Happy New Year.

Attend to your Configuration.

- Attend to your Configuration!

- Ah, B Square.

I haven't forgotten you,

my dear assistant,

for the sake of secrecy, you too should die.

But since you've been loyal

and for the most part efficient,

I'll spare you your life and

grant you instead life imprisonment.

However, should you ever mention

what you've seen today,

you will be executed.

Attend to your Configuration.

And Happy New Year.

Guards!

Mr. President!

I promise I won't say a word.

- Not a word! Please!

- Hey! You don't know what you're doing!

There really is a third dimension.

- Listen to me!

- Give it up, Mr. Attorney.

- Let me go back!

- Let me talk to them!

- We don't have a lot of time.

- Please! He's my brother!

Your brother is expendable.

Round Table, Round Table.

Come in, Round Table.

This is Alpha Omega calling.

- Come in, Round Table.

- Roger Alpha Omega.

This is Round Table. Over.

I'm on my way back, Round Table. Over.

We hear you Alpha Omega.

How was the mission? Over.

I'll file a report as soon as

I get back, Round Table.

Until then, cue the triumphant Return!

- What's going on there?

- Oh, even in Spaceland we

have our problem children.

Stay there,

I have to write my After Action Report.

Welcome back, sir. Welcome home.

- We're all so proud of you.

- And the company!

Was your manifestation a successful one?

There were a few complications.

- Your messages, sir.

- On my desk, Mathilde.

I've got to send an e-comm report

quick to the board of directors.

What a cute drawing!

- What?

- The drawing. On your desk.

Where did you get it?

Did you bring it back with you?

A Square?

He's not a drawing, he's a Flatlander.

- Flatlander?

- That's never been done before!

I thought you were a cartoon!

- A cartoon?

- He can talk! How delightful.

- Isn't he cute, Millicent?

- I think it's disgusting!

- A cartoon?

- Something you can't do in Flatland.

- Can it think?

- Oh, yes. Though not very well.

- Smile for the camera, A Square!

- Is this allowed?

No previous Messiah ever brought

their chosen apostle back with them.

He's here, isn't he?

And my e-comm is now finished!

Can we show him around the office?

This will cause quite a stir!

- I could just eat it up!

- Ladies, it's not a trinket.

Its time here is limited.

Gravitational forces will

kill it if it stays too long.

- What?

- If you ladies will see that

I'm not disturbed for the next hour...

- After that, I want to meet with Marketing.

- Yes, sir.

Solids.

That's the first lesson and the last. Solids.

That's what we are and you're not.

You're not solid, not really,

because solid implies thickness.

Your thickness is microscopic.

Let's begin.

First, a cube is made up of a

number of square planes like yourself.

Now here's a pack of cards.

I put one down. Now a second, now a third.

See? I'm building a solid by a multitude

of squares parallel to one another.

And now the solid is complete,

being as high as it is long and broad.

We call this solid a cube.

- It hurts my brain.

- I'm sure it does.

Light, shadow, perspective...

you're not used to it

- Yes, sir?

- Send in a cube.

- Which one?

- Anyone.

Yes, sir.

I'm going to let you feel a cube.

That'll help you understand solids.

Let this Flatlander touch you.

Don't worry, it won't hurt.

And there won't be any side effects...

that we know of.

Dean in Sending, isn't it?

- Carlton in Receiving.

- Of course, of course.

Just stand here on the desk.

And you, A Square, you may feel Dean.

- Carlton.

- Sorry?

- Cube Carlton. Receiving.

- Right. Right.

A Square, please go over and

feel the generic cube person.

Not a plane. Not a plane. A solid.

Six planes. Eight terminal points. Angles.

A square moving parallel to himself in space.

Yes! I am a part of this...

This is bliss!

What wonder to know so much!

That's enough.

We can't go on like this forever, you know.

Thank you, Carlson.

Carlton.

- Now, lesson two.

- Your pardon, Great Sphere of 3D, but...

might I be granted a look at your insides?

- My what?

- Your stomach, brain, heart.

What the devil are you talking about?

When I was feeling the cube,

a light overwhelmed me

and I saw more and farther

than I've ever seen before.

Uh huh?

What I saw... or sensed... or felt... Was

that a dimension greater than yours existed.

Just as I am to you,

so you must be to someone else.

If your dimension is

greater and purer than mine,

then there must be a fourth dimension

even greater and purer than yours.

Good friend, philosopher, priest,

don't you see what you've taught me?

Some more spacious space,

some more dimensionable dimension,

- lies beyond this one.

- Time's short.

We've got a lot to do before you're

fit to proclaim the Three Dimensions

Please, sir, let me see your insides.

In the first place your request makes no sense.

In the second place I can't

turn myself inside out.

But you showed me the insides of Flatland

by taking me from the land of two dimensions

into the land of three.

Please, take me into a fourth dimension...

so that we can look onto the land of 3D

and see the secrets of solids!

And where is this land of

four dimensions supposed to be?

Doubtless you, O great Teacher of

dimensionality greater than mine,

surely you know where it is.

Damned if I do. There is no such place.

The very idea! Inconceivable!

Well, you taught me that when

I see a line in Flatland and infer a plane,

in reality I see a third dimension.

Not the same as brightness,

but one called height.

So it follows that in Spaceland,

when I see a plane and infer a solid,

I really see a fourth unrecognized dimension.

Just as the monarch of Lineland couldn't

turn right or left or see Flatland,

so I couldn't see Spaceland even

though it was all around me!

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