Fletch Page #4

Reluctantly, he goes to the autopsy table, and the cadaver thereon, which is covered by a sheet, except for the mid-section.

58 TWO SHOT - FLETCH AND PATHOLOGIST

(Note:
from here on we never see the body.)

PATHOLOGIST:

(poking around)

Have you ever see a spleen this large?

FLETCH:

(trying not to look)

Not recently.

PATHOLOGIST:

Grab this, will you?

FLETCH:

Uh, I'm not really prepared. My hands aren't sterilized.

PATHOLOGIST:

You're not going to make this guy any sicker.

We hear a squishing noise as he grabs something large and wet and plops it into Fletch's hand. Fletch stands there holding something icky out of frame, looking uncomfortably up at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but at the cadaver or at the stuff in his hand. Meanwhile, we hear sounds of further incisions, and the deflating of an organ.

PATHOLOGIST:

You never really get used to the smell, do you?

Fletch's eyes roll up, and he falls to the floor in a dead faint.

59 INT. RECORDS ROOM - DAY - MINUTES LATER

Fletch is on a couch, beginning to regain consciousness. The Records Nurse hovers over him.

RECORDS NURSE:

Are you all right, Doctor?

FLETCH:

Where am I?

RECORDS NURSE:

You're in the Records Room.

FLETCH:

I'm fine.

RECORDS NURSE:

Can I get you something?

FLETCH:

Have you got a make-shift plywood pillory? Heh Heh, just kidding.

RECORDS NURSE:

Doctor Holmes went to get you some smelling salts.

He was quite surprised that you fainted.

FLETCH:

Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I thought

the dead man was my brother.

RECORDS NURSE:

Oh my God!

FLETCH:

It's all right. It wasn't him but

that spleen was a splitting image.

He sits up and sees that just outside the glass is none other that Dr. Joseph Dolen, talking with the pathologist.

FLETCH:

Oh, God, I think I'm about to hyperventilate.

Have you got a paper bag, or something.

RECORDS NURSE:

Yes, right away.

She goes to get the paper bag, and Fletch turns his back on Dr. Dolen to go through the file cabinet. By the time the Nurse returns, he's got Stanwyk's file.

RECORDS NURSE:

Here you are, Doctor.

FLETCH:

Thank you.

He puts the bag over his mouth and breathes deeply as he continues the conversation with her. (From time to time, we see Dr. Dolen in the b.g. looking over, but does not come into the records room or question what's happening).

RECORDS NURSE:

Is there anything particular you're looking for?

FLETCH:

My associates did a biopsy on this man recently.

(thumbs through file)

He's supposed to have a melanoma, or a carcinoma,

some kind of noma. Hmmm. I can't seem to find any record

of it.

RECORDS NURSE:

(taking the file)

Well, if he had one, it would certainly be in here.

(searches)

Wait. Here it is. Yep. Surgical removal of two moles.

Tissue was benign.

FLETCH:

That's it?

RECORDS NURSE:

(shows him the file)

That's it.

FLETCH:

(reading it)

This was last month. So Alan Stanwyk does not have cancer.

RECORDS NURSE:

I guess not.

FLETCH:

(very puzzled)

He'll be so relieved.

60 EXT. SANTA MONICA STREET - LATE AFTERNOON

Fletch pulls up in front of his building, a 1970's cinderblock apartment complex. Fletch parks his car halfway up the curb, gets out and spots a Mercedes coupe. He starts running toward the rear of his building.

61 EXT. REAR OF THE BUILDING - DAY

Fletch starts climbing up the fire escape of his building.

62 FIRE ESCAPE - DAY

Fletch reaches the second floor. He's huffing and puffing.

FLETCH:

Christ.

63 REVERSE

Attorney Charles Gillett is waiting for him on the second floor fire escape. Gillett smiles.

GILLETT:

Refusal to pay alimony is a jailable offense, Fletch.

64 MASTER

FLETCH:

What about breaking and entering?

(points to Gillett's coat)

Are you wearing anything under that?

GILLETT:

I did not break nor enter. I simply chose an advisable

location to await my client's delinquent husband.

FLETCH:

I hate to conduct business on the lanai. Why don't we step inside.

Fletch takes out a credit card and jimmies open the lock on the window.

65 INT. FLETCH'S APARTMENT - DAY

Fletch climbs in through the window, followed by Gillett. His small apartment is just barely furnished. A low basketball hoop is attached to the wall. Fletch takes a ball, offers it to Gillett.

FLETCH:

One on one?

Gillett shakes his head. Fletch does a reverse shot and misses, sending a plastic globe lamb crashing to the floor.

FLETCH:

And the foul.

Fletch takes a second, successful shot.

GILLETT:

You owe Wendy nine hundred and eighteen dollars.

FLETCH:

(still playing b-ball)

She doesn't need the money, for crissakes.

She's living with Monty. I know it.

GILLETT:

I don't know what you're referring to.

Wendy maintains her own residence.

FLETCH:

It stinks. I thought woman were independent now.

GILLETT:

Until she remarries, Fletch.

FLETCH:

Hey, shut up, okay? I just hate this.

GILLETT:

I empathize with your plight, Fletch. However,

you threw her out.

FLETCH:

She was sleeping with everybody. The cable TV

guy. You can't get lower than that....

GILLETT:

You should have proved that in a court of law.

FLETCH:

My lawyer was a bum.

GILLETT:

(smiles)

I agree.

Fletch puts down the basketball, picks up a stack of mail and rifles through it.

FLETCH:

I think he was sleeping with Wendy, too.

GILLETT:

You may be right.

FLETCH:

Are you serious?

GILLETT:

(shrugs)

That's history, Fletch. You owe us nine hundred

and eighteen dollars.

FLETCH:

Wait a minute! Our problems might be solved.

Fletch holds up an envelope with Ed McMahon's picture on it.

FLETCH:

(continuing)

I think I just won a million dollars!

He opens it and looks inside, feigning disappointment.

FLETCH:

(continuing)

Damn...lost again. Sorry.

GILLETT:

This is no joke. If some kind of payment isn't made,

we're going to have to contact the paper and garnish your wages.

Fletch sighs, takes out the envelope given to him by Stanwyk. He hands a thousand dollars to Gillett.

GILLETT:

Cash. I'm impressed.

FLETCH:

Found it in a cab. That's a grand.

Apply the difference to next month.

GILLETT:

Till then.

Gillett smiles and exits.

66 KITCHEN - DAY

Fletch opens the fridge. Inside are tow six-packs of Coors, a jar of Miracle Whip, a half a cucumber, and a brown head of lettuce. Fletch takes a beer and slams the door shut with such force that we hear breakage inside.

67 MASTER - APARTMENT - DAY

In a foul mood, Fletch leaves the kitchen, and wanders into the living room. It has the personality of an Abbey Rents.

He picks up the TV remote control. The television clicks on. Chick Hearn is with Jabbar, during a Laker pregame warmup.

FLETCH:

Thank God.

Fletch settles back.

68 TELEVISION

Hearn is gushing over Jabbar.

69 FLETCH

He watches contemplatively. He is bone tired.

70 TELIVISION

HEARN:

How about Fletch?

JABBAR:

Well, Fletch has been great. He's super-strong,

really clogs the middle for us, boxes out,

gets the bounds....

71 FLETCH

He smiles and nods, deep in fantasy.

72 TELEVISION

HEARN:

Now here's a key play in Tuesday night's game....

Hearn and Jabbar look down at a television monitor.

73 FLETCH

He's half asleep.

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