Fletch Lives Page #2

those ups and downs and ups and downs.

You should try

holding your breath.

Sometimes that works.

Belle Isle.

% We are calling%

% We are calling%

Belle Isle. % While our

heads are bending low%

% Can you hear%

% Our gentle voices calling%

% Old White Joe% %

Thank you, Betty Lee.

Look, Colonel, the folks

have come to serenade you.

They love you so much.

I love them too.

Give me that, boy!

Thank you, sir.

Quiet down.

- Uncle Frank?

- Yes, sir?

- You know my favorite tune.

- Sure do, Colonel.

Would you mind if I sat

in your lap, Colonel?

Please do, Betty Lee.

Please do.

The field hands would like to

dance for you. Dance for me?

Why, I'll dance for them!

Yes, sir! % Zip-a-dee-doo-dah

Zip-a-dee-ay%

% My, oh, my

what a wonderful day%

% Plenty of sunshine

headin' my way% You bet!

% Zip-a-dee-doo-dah

Zip-a-dee-ay%

% Mr. Bluebird's

on my shoulder%

% Ain't it the truth

It's actual%

% Everything is satisfactual%

% Zip-a-dee-doo-dah

Zip-a-dee-ay%

% Wonderful feeling%

% Wonderful day% %

You made it,

Mr. Notre Dame.

Mr. Fletcher.

I'm Amanda Ray Ross.

I spoke with you on the

phone. Oh, yes. That was you?

Great.

Do you have any luggage?

Just one piece.

Plannin' on stayin' long?

Just long enough to see Mount Rushmore

and squeeze in a little ice fishing.

I'm on the board of

the Pontchartrain Society.

We help preserve and restore

some of these lovely mansions.

We headed to Belle Isle?

- You must be dying to see it, Mr. Fletcher.

- Call me Fletch.

Your house is not quite as grand as

some of the others in the neighborhood.

It doesn't matter. It's the thought

that counts. Eighty acres, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Isn't it strikin'?

Your aunt tried to keep things

in their natural state.

She ever brush her hair?

- I can see you're disappointed.

- No, not at all!

A little spackling and some napalm,

this place would make a nice mausoleum.

Oh, my God!

Are you all right?

Oh! I was aimin' to fix

that today. How do you do?

I be Calculus Entterby.

You be Mr. And Mrs. Fletcher?

I be Fletch. Geometry Fletch.

She be Miss Trigonometry Ross.

Pleased, I'm sure. Your Aunt Belle

told me you'd be takin' over the place,

and I'm extendin'

my "condulations."

Right. You work here?

Your Aunt Belle and I,

we had an arrangement.

And I was hopin' we could

make an extenuation of it.

Help me get your stuff

out the car here. Come on.

You mind your step.

Our families go back

for hundreds of years.

Your great grandparents owned my great

grandparents and that's how it all started.

Did you ever hear of the

Emancipation Proclamation?

I heard somethin' about it,

but I don't recall exactly.

- It didn't get much publicity around these here parts.

- I'll bet.

Excuse me, sir.

Could you give me a hand?

R-Right here.

Just pull it towards you.

Just pull it.

Come on, come on.

Just pull it.

Just pull it on over.

That's it, that's it.

Don't scar the car.

Is there any electricity

or gas?

Everything works.

No cable TV, I guess.

If I'd known you was comin', I'd have straightened

out a bit and stocked your refrigerator.

No food?

No refrigerator.

We need to do some paperwork.

Want a lift into town?

What? And leave my estate unattended?

It's not yours till you sign.

I can make you some dinner,

ease the culture shock.

That sounds great.

Should I be doin' anything?

No, not really.

Uh, soon as you get that trunk

upstairs and have finished your nap,

I guess you could fix that step and jump

down, turn around and pick a bale of cotton.

And while I'm gone, see to it Miss Scarlett

stays away from the Union Army, will you?

More wine?

You're not trying to take

advantage of me, are you?

Not yet.

You need to sign these papers.

Do you mind

if I read 'em first?

Be my guest. Had you talked

to your aunt recently?

That depends on your view of

history. It's been 16 years.

Sign all three?

Please.

I was just wonderin' because she changed

her will three weeks before she died.

Well, lucky for me.

Why'd she do that?

I don't know. She was old. Seemed

to be under a lot of strain.

Dying always does that to you.

Congratulations. You know, you can make

yourself some good money out of this.

A Realtor contacted me with an

unusually high offer... 225,000.

- Dollars?

- Mm-hmm.

Let me ask you this:

If they're so anxious, don't you think if

I wait a little longer, they might go up?

- They might.

- And I just got here, didn't I?

No sale?

While you're thinking about it, what

are you gonna do with the land, Fletch?

I don't know. Raise chitlins... the

chitlin' market as high as it is.

They're mean little animals, but

their coats are worth a fortune.

$225,000?

What do you think I oughta do?

If I were you, I would

proceed slowly and carefully.

That's my specialty.

- Would you like some dessert?

- What do you have in mind?

How 'bout something sweet...

and Southern?

I borrowed your toothbrush.

Would've used your razor, but it looks like

you've been doing some gardening with it.

Gee, I can't believe

we slept this late.

Amanda? Want to drive

into Belle Isle?

I guess not.

It was good,

but not that good.

'Morning, Mr. Fletcher. If that's

your real name. I'm Billy Jo Hendrick.

Howdy.

What's your relationship

to Amanda Ray?

She was my attorney.

She was working on my briefs.

- You come into town, y'all just hit it off?

- So to speak.

Sparks just flew. That's

what you're gonna tell me.

Wonder why things like that

never happen to me?

Wonder why!

Were y'all usin' some drugs you brought

in from California by any chance?

Just some Beaujolais.

Beaujolais?

It's a pretty popular drug

made from grapes?

- You feel like makin' a statement?

- A statement?

"Ask not what your country can do for

you, ask what you can do for your country."

I guess you just wanna make

it hard on everybody.

Well, let's see how you feel after

some time in the tank. Y'all come.

All of us?

Just you.

- What's the charge?

- Pissin' me off.

Is that a felony or a

misdemeanor? That's it!

You're cleaner than most

of the ones we get around here.

You smell nice.

I expect you'll be popular.

Do you realize you have

to read me my rights?

Or at least find someone who

can read to do it for you.

A little gamy in here.

Not much ventilation, huh?

How's the chow?

You know, you really shouldn't wear so

much eye makeup. It makes you look cheap.

You're sittin' on my bunk.

Sorry.

Shut up!

Take your pants off.

Ah, I don't even know

your name.

Bend over.

Ben? Nice to meet you.

Victor Hugo.

You wouldn't happen to have a middle name,

would you? Everybody else here seems to.

- What are you in for, Ben?

- Molesting a dead horse.

Ooh, there's no crime in that.

That's your right as an American.

I'm tryin' to cut down myself.

His missus hit him on the head with a ball

pein hammer whilst he was eatin' sausage...

and almost choked him

to death.

Okay, beautiful, let's hope another long

night in the tank has sobered you up.

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