Flirting with Disaster
She could be rich and smart.
Or she could be rich and stupid.
On the other hand, she could be
just poor and good-hearted.
Or she could be poor and mean.
I mean, I-I have no idea
what she's like. It's--
And there's my father, right?
I look at guys on the street every day--
regular guys
walking down the street.
And depending on my mood, I imagine
that any one of them could be my father.
This guy.
How about this guy?
Hi, Dad.
Then I have to picture
Okay, maybe they're not together now.
they had to hook up
in order to have me, right?
Mix and match, mix and match,
I can't help feeling...
that if I'd been raised
by at least one of my real parents...
I wouldn't be
such a nervous person, you know?
I might be living a completely different
life in a totally different city.
I could be married to a totally
different person with a different job.
I mean, how do I know? I don't.
Anything's possible.
Well, the mystery of your
unknown self is about to unfold.
Your mother lives
in San Diego, California.
Her name is Valerie Swaney.
Valerie Swaney?
I told you it wouldn't take long.
Can we arrange a meeting soon?
How's, um--
How's next month?
No, no. I told Nancy I'd do it sooner.
I-I've been driving her crazy.
Because you can't name your son?
I've just been distracted and tense
ever since the baby was born.
- A little unsteady?
- Preoccupied.
I heard a song 'bout
clouds and rainbows
I hum a tune
that sings like a dove
Found some words about anything
Anything but love
I paint a picture of my prison
With blue and grey
for the skies above
Framed and signed with a title
Anything but love
He had to go
but I won't miss him
I have got
better things to do
Like writing stories
and painting pictures
Of anything but love
Oh, anything but love
Anything but love
Nancy?
I'm in the bedroom!
Big news.
I got big news.
Hi, sweetie. You look great.
Why are you dressed like that?
Did you forget about our date?
Oh, my God! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- No. It's okay, you're here now.
- No, no, no. I feel so bad.
We're not gonna fight about it.
Look at you.
You look so sexy.
But I want to tell you
what I forgot.
- Take your shoes off.
- No, no, wait, wait. We have to talk.
- We have to talk. Talk.
- No. No. Honey, no talking.
No, no, we have to talk
about wh-why I'm late.
- Control freak, huh?
- No. Yeah, maybe I am a control freak.
- Control freak.
Don't!
- Nap time's over.
- Nap time's over.
Wait, wait. I'll get him.
I'll get him.
You don't have to put your pants on
to get the baby.
Honey, do you think
we're ever gonna have sex?
Definitely.
There, buddy, Yeah.
How ya doin'?
It's okay. Yeah, yeah.
You okay?
- We'll be out in one second.
- Oh.
I feel like I'm keeping you
from something.
No. No, no, no.
This is a priority.
Is this a bad time for your wife?
'Cause, you know, I could come back.
Not at all. We just need
a couple of minutes.
This is crazy.
I mean, all right, I feel guilty
'cause I missed the date.
I just gotta tell her. What am I
afraid of, right? This is stupid.
- Hey, here you go.
- No, no. This is good.
- What?
- This is good. You stay with Daddy.
- Keep his hands occupied.
- Oh, Nancy. Nancy. No, no, no.
Honey. Honey.
Can't we make another date, please?
Thi-- Sweetie, this is--
Sweetie, he's looking right down at you.
This isn't-- Oh. Oh, no, no. No.
No. Oh, no, no, no.
My real mother lives in San Diego.
- What?
- That's what I was trying to tell you.
I went to the adoption agency,
and they found my real mother.
Just like that?
You walked in, they found her?
Well, it was the second
trip, actually.
- Ohh.
- I know, I know.
- Honey.
- I know. So listen...
why don't you put something on
and come over and say hello to Tina.
- Who?
- The woman who helped
arrange everything.
This woman's in our apartment
right now? She's here?
Yeah. Well I-- You know,
I-I was trying to tell you before...
but you got all sexed up
and everything--
Well, I got sexed up
because we had a date, not because
I'm some kind of freak or something.
- I didn't say you were a freak.
Did I say you were a freak, honey?
- No.
- No, no. Come on, this is good, right?
- Hi. I'm Tina Kalb.
like this...
but Mel said he didn't
want to waste any time.
That's all right. Nancy understands
how important this whole thing is.
- Great. The baby's gorgeous,
by the way. It looks just like Mel.
- Ohh.
Thanks. Really? You really think so?
Everybody always says he looks like me.
Well, what do I know?
I'm just another 30-year-old woman
desperate for a baby of her own.
Your husband
doesn't want to have kids?
Yeah, I'm in the middle
of a divorce, actually.
I just can't seem
to part with the ring.
- Sorry.
- Oh, no. You know, it was
one of those death marriages--
you know, the kind where you
have to start making dates to have sex.
Well, I'm sure it'll work out. I mean,
I'm sure you'll meet somebody else...
and you'll be happy
and you'll fall in love again...
- and things'll just be wonderful.
- Yeah, I don't know.
at this point...
just to find an intelligent man
to impregnate me.
I'm sorry. I don't understand
exactly who you are.
Oh, didn't I tell you?
She's-She's doing the study.
to San Diego next week...
to document the reunion.
In fact, Nancy, I've got
some waivers that I need you to sign.
You see, there's such a dearth
of in-depth documentation...
into the psychological impact
on, for instance, you, the spouse,
as well as Mel's adoptive family.
- Ah, so you're a psychologist?
- Not quite.
I'm just finishing my doctorate.
Tina used to be a dancer.
Oh, those days are long gone. I--
Listen, I've gotta call the office.
Oh, there's a phone in the kitchen.
It's right there on your left.
- Got one right here.
- Well, next week?
- Yeah, yeah.
- God, that's soon.
Well, they're gonna pay for everything.
Isn't that great, sweetie? Honey?
After I had my baby,
I wanted my husband to stay home...
and help with night feedings...
not drag me on some plane
for San Diego.
I like travelling.
The baby's five months old.
I really think this is gonna get us
closer together.
Oh, honey, after you're married,
he feels like he's kissing his mother
half the time, anyway.
Our kissing is still nice, but he's
so controlling about the oral sex.
Well, have you tried
the warm water method?
- Are you kidding?
- No.
- You're kidding.
- No.Joe loves it.
- Hey.
- Oh, hi, Mel.
- Hi.
- Look what I found.
What did you find?
- What made you dig these out?
- Remember?
I don't know. I was just feeling
nostalgic for some reason.
That's so sweet. We found these
on our first field trip together.
Very sweet. Oh, congratulations
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"Flirting with Disaster" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/flirting_with_disaster_8335>.
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