Flower Page #4

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molest somebody.

I don't wanna see that.

What, you think he's just

gonna molest someone

right in front of us?

-I don't know!

-I don't think he will.

He's like a pro.

That's what you get

a subterranean dungeon for.

-Yeah.

Totally. Let's get out of here.

I don't believe this sh*t.

Are you serious?

You guys are bailing

on me already? We've been here

for like two seconds.

Well, it's taco night.

Look, shaking down

a child molester

is like our moral obligation.

We're the only thing standing

between Will Jordan and

a whole town of innocent boys.

If we don't act now,

then other little kids might

get butt-raped

like big Lukey over here.

And 15 years from now,

they'll be popping pills

and eating their feelings, too.

Do you really want that

on your conscience?

No, I don't--

I don't want anyone to be fat.

F*** me.

-Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

-It's all right.

-I didn't see you there.

-It's my bad. Sorry.

It's all right.

Just wondering whose dick

I got to suck to get

some cocoa puffs around here.

Know what I mean?

Well, I'm no expert,

but I would imagine

it's not in the freezer isle.

You're so smart.

Do I know you?

No.

Is Sunglass Hut at the mall?

-Cinnabon.

'Cause I don't

work at the mall.

-So, can't help you.

-No, okay.

I know where I know you from.

Where's that?

Bowling alley!

You're hot old guy.

Me and my friends,

we go there all the time.

We've been ogling your goodies

for, like, the last six months.

-Yeah.

Oh, my God. Okay. Thanks.

-It's a compliment.

-Great!

Hey, do you mind

escorting me to the cereal isle?

You want me to escort you

to the cereal isle?

Please.

So, do you have a job

or do you just bowl 24/7?

Yeah, that's me.

Never not bowling.

Actually, my buddies and I

have a league

on Wednesday nights.

And you openly

tell people that?

Well, I tore my ACL.

I can't play basketball.

Not ready to put on

golf pants just yet.

You guys have a team name?

We do. The Gutter-punks.

-Badass, dude.

-Okay.

You know what,

we're league champs

three years running.

-Cool.

-We've even had

our own shirts made.

-Whoa, very cool.

-It is cool.

I know, that's why I said it.

Okay, what do you do for fun?

Watch movies,

listen to music,

worship the devil.

You know,

typical teenage shenanigans.

What kind of music?

Like Justin Beiber and sh*t?

Some sh*t.

Do you listen

to Andrea Bocelli?

No, I like hip hop, actually.

Oh, okay.

Well, Macklemore's not hip hop.

Mackle-- No.

-Stuff you've never

even heard of.

-Oh, my God.

Dude, I know way more

about that sh*t than you do.

-Yes, I do.

-Okay, who's your

favorite rapper?

-Eazy-E, and may he

rest in f***ing peace.

-Eazy-E. Oh, my God.

It has nothing to do with that

movie that came out, does it?

Oh, f*** no, okay.

I know every single lyric

to gimme that nut,

-Every single lyric.

-That song is older

than you are.

-My dad.

Your dad?

-That's pretty weird.

Oh, this is your stop.

-Here we are.

-Cocoa puffs.

There they are.

-Thanks.

-You're welcome.

Erica.

-I'm Will.

-Hey.

-All right.

-Okay.

-Bye.

-Bye. See you

at the bowling alley.

Thank you

for using Jail Mail.

-Please leave your message

for inmate-

Ray Vandross.

at the tone.

Hi, Ray. Dad.

It's me. I'm just calling.

I haven't heard

from you in a minute.

Uh, I'm sure you haven't called

'cause you're super busy

doing whatever it is

that you do.

Um... Hey, that business

that I started with my friends,

I just wanna let you know,

we're killing it.

And, I don't wanna

get ahead of myself,

but I think actually I might.

I have enough to bail

your ass out soon, so.

-so... yeah.

I feel like they're gonna

cut me off 'cause I hear

that beeping thing,

but I love you,

and I miss you,

and...

Thank you

for using Jail Mail.

Your call is now complete.

Do you think it's weird

that Will doesn't

have a girlfriend?

Why is that weird?

He's into little boys.

No, but I was just thinking,

if I was a child molester,

I'd for sure have like,

a hot significant other to

cover my tracks and alibi.

You think he's hot?

I don't think he's hot.

He's a f***ing pedophile.

Granted...

He does have

a banging ass dad-bod,

but, I mean,

I don't wanna marry the dude.

You've been scrolling

through his photos for

the past hour and a half.

I'm looking for clues.

Don't be so f***ing weird.

I'm trying to help you.

I never asked

for your help, Erica.

Unfortunately, you don't

really have a say in the matter.

We're vigilantes, okay.

What would Batman

and Robin do

if they saw the Joker

sticking his finger up

little boys' a**holes?

Batman wouldn't be talking

about Joker's banging dad-bod.

Yeah, but Robin would.

-I know your secret.

You're jealous.

-I'm not jealous.

-Yes, you are.

-You're jealous.

You think that--

-No, I'm not.

-You think that I like Will

and it's eating you up inside.

-No.

I'm not f***ing jealous

of you wanting to date

a child molester.

I know you want

a piece of this.

Your mouth has like

10,000 venereal diseases, so...

Oh!

I love this song!

Makes me feel like dancing.

You wanna see me dance, Luke?

No, I don't.

Are you sure?

What?

I don't.

It's so fun though.

I guess.

Do you know this song?

Come dance with me.

No? It's a good song.

Do you like that?

One of those?

I don't wanna dance by myself.

It's kinda embarrassing.

Come dance with me.

-I can't.

-Come dance.

Do you like when I do that?

What about like

I-- No.

No? Have you ever

danced with a girl before?

Come on,

you know the answer to that.

Please.

I don't like this music.

Oh, I don't like this music.

I'll play different music.

Come on.

Come here!

Come on. Come on,

come on, come on. Let's go.

[music plays

softly over earphones]

Are you excited

to dance with me?

We'll see.

-Come on.

-You listen to

this kind of music?

-Never thought you'd be

into music like this.

It just came up on--

I didn't pick it.

I saw you double click on it.

F*** off, dude.

Just dance with me.

Don't be such a dick.

Look at me!

Look at me.

Just that...

You're like, squeezing onto

a f***ing giant airplane

right now.

You're pretty hard on yourself.

You can grab me.

I'm not gonna break.

I lost my dream

I lost my reason all again

It's not just me for you

I have to look out too

I have to save my life

I need some peace of mind

I am the only one now

I am the only one now

I am the only one now

You may not be around

You may not be around

Hi!

-Oh, Jesus!

-You scared the sh*t out of me.

-I'm sorry.

-I didn't mean to scare you.

-Yeah.

I forgot that guys your age

have a higher risk

of stroke and heart failure.

Are you gonna teach me

how to bowl or what?

You hang out here and

you don't know how to bowl?

Yeah, I'm in high school, idiot.

What else am I gonna do?

Well, maybe another time.

I was hoping to get in

a few frames before they close.

My name is Will

and I was hoping to get in

a few extra frames

before they close.

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